I asked female ordinands and curates:

If you could go back to the start of the discernment process and tell yourself one thing, what would you say?

Here are their responses:

I know it’s a cliché, but go with the flow. So much of discernment is having the rug pulled out from under you & that can sometimes feel scary and unexpected and you just have to go with it. I often said to God, “God, I have no idea where you’re going with this, but I trust you.”

Take two days off. You don't need to explain each and every activity you are doing - you'll have more to offer if you take time to enjoy your life!

It will feel as if you are turning yourself inside-out and offering your inmost self up for inspection. That might feel painful. But, like exercise, you'll feel better for it afterwards. And hang on to what you learn about yourself because you'll need it later.

There is only one God.

Be patient and trust God

I don’t know how to phrase it but know that no one can take your vocation from you. Even though they will try. But it’s between God and you. Isaiah 42:3

If I was to do it all again, I would trust my DDO less. Being let down by them when I trusted them 100% has been traumatic

Your vocational 'journey' and your experience of 'the process' will look nothing like you've been told it 'should'. That's OK, don't fret about it.

Don’t be too honest protect yourself. You can’t trust everyone and privacy isn’t lying. Sorry its bit negative.

1/3 Don't let the process turn your life into a series of events/experiences that demonstrate something about you. It's so easy to analyse everything through the lens of 'What does this say about me & my suitability for this vocation? How would I talk about this to an assessor?'

2/3 and the discernment process can actively encourage that way of thinking at times. Resist it.

Be aware that the process is very emotionally exhausting, and it's easy to lose sight of why you're going through it at all. Allow yourself to take a step back and re-centre yourself

3/3 around your faith. Enjoy the relationship you have with God, and know that that relationship is not up for debate or criticism as you discern what your vocation may be.

Don’t dismiss/diminish it, or allow others to dismiss/diminish it, but equally, don’t hold onto it too tightly because it is from God and of God, so there is no choice but primarily to trust him with it.

*'it' being vocation.

Again possibly a bit negative but has helped me through a roller coaster journey. Remember the people involved DDO, BAP advisors are wise but not infallible. Trust God to work it out though

1/2 Be on your guard. Most people will have good and generous intentions, but you are uniquely well placed to assess how safe and secure you are in any situation.

2/2 Yes, you should expect discomfort and challenge, but you are part of God's creation so safety and self care are part of your duty to care for creation.

Be aware that those who have been put in place as 'experts' to guide you are human and will quite probably have their own agenda. Trust your own judgement too.

You are discerning a calling, not judging whether you're good enough.

You can run but you can't hide!

Do not worry! And enjoy the ride...you'll have a great time and a lot of laughs on the way

You'll gain confidence as you gain experience, but don't think that this means you'll feel confident all the time, you won't. We only ever do what we do because of God, and because of God's grace and strength, never on our own.

The God who called you to this WILL complete the work he is doing in and with you

It’s okay to take your time and if need by take time out

Accept the whole calling thing as being a source of life - like a tap, rather than as a draining plug hole.
Be yourself.
Don’t over prepare mentally for a No scenario. <— me until my spiritual director stepped in!

God knows the journey but the old white men you meet might not. You know who to listen to.

1/2 You will find this journey very emotional but the reason is not because you are fragile but because you are doing something scary. Also, you will find that the emotional sensitivity that you thought would disqualify you from ministry, is a characteristic that God values.

2/2 You will not realise this until halfway through training when you finally notice that plenty of other people around you are crying. In fact, you will discover, that you are not always the most emotional person in the room!

1/2 Value talking to ‘normal’ people who already know you in your life as much as any ‘religious’ person like your priest or DDO. It’s a process of discovering and articulating who you are, and the people who know you have knowledge and experience of you that

2/2 could provide great insight. So reflect as you go with them as much as you do with the officials and yourself.

God is delighted at your faithfulness in exploring this whether or not he is calling you to ordination

It’s happening! Don’t doubt gods ability to love and move mountains for your ministry to be made manifest x

Keep a log of things as they happen (big stuff, not the eensy teensy tiny bits) & how you react to them. You will be amazed at how your feelings change about certain things, and some things change in their importance to you over time and it is helpful to keep a record as you go.

That the cost of vocation is not just to you but has a BIG impact on your family too

It’s going to feel awesome. It’s going to feel devastating but you and God have got this!

You really won’t be the same person at the end and that’s good.

And most importantly you’ll need your non church friends more than ever!!! (Which feels counter intuitive)

He’s got this and you!

1/3 If it’s God’s call then it will happen. Hang on and trust, but also feel empowered to hold your own boundaries if necessary.

I went through the process and they wanted to send me to BAP but said I had to move churches.

2/3 My OH was the vicar and we had 4 small-ish children at the time. It just felt wrong for all of us. So I stopped the process for a few years and did a Theology degree. New avenues/opportunities opened up the second time round and

3/3 different people in the diocese had a more flexible approach and I had peace. So glad I trusted myself even in the face of an influential person putting quite a bit of pressure on for me to continue first time.

You really don't need a cool 'moment of calling' story or lots of feelings to reference, your obedience is enough

It's going to be a momentous roller coaster ride but you will come out the other end in one piece although it might not feel like it at times. God is your seatbelt

Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be feeling xx

Sometimes you need to be a bit pushy.

1/2 When I find myself thinking 'hey, I didn't sign up for this!' I go back to my original sense of call, that I responded to God's call without reservations, and with a certainty that he would enable me to find the inner resources for all that lies ahead.

2/2 Joshua 1.9 comes to mind. Probably a good thing that I didn't know the full extent of what that might involve!

1/2 Don’t compare your journey with other’s. God is calling you as you and not a replica of people you may admire or hold in high regard. Take advice but trust what God is saying to you and ask him to help you articulate that.

2/2 It seems obvious now but I let my self-deprecation get the better of me on occasion. In fact I still do!!

1/2 Remember who has called you-God himself and remember tbat you are his belived child who he loves and with whom he is well pleased, regardless of how others see your calling.
I also remember at our first formation group at the start of my training all of us sharibg our stories

2/2 and quite a few people saying: I never thought God would call someone like me" There is no one model or type of person God calls he calls each of us in our incredible and wonderful varieties!

That what looked like a mountain when it was all on front if me looks like a hilllock in my rear view mirror. And how precious that time was...

Don't do it

Don’t be afraid

It will all be ok, it will work out because God has called me to this.

To let go of all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ in my head. I’ve come to see my sense of calling as an invitation which I have accepted. God would love me just the same if I hadn’t.

Doors will be shut in your face, but don’t worry as God’s timing is perfect.

Don't forget to dance - make space for joy!

Don’t just work hard! It’s important to have the social relationships and experiences of formation too

1/2 There is no mould you need to fit, you don't need to be qualified - God called you, you may get nervous about some of the things you need to do (like preaching) - but God called you. You may have challenging life circumstances, but God has called you to shine

2/2 where you are - as you are... God called you. And if God is for you....(even though you may face giants and what seem like impossible walls).... who can be against you? Trust that God who has started a good work in you will bring it to completion.

1/2 It's ok to be terrified at the thought of what ordination might mean for your life and your family - it's important to be real about the potential cost. But it's even more important to trust the fact that, even when it's not easy,

2/2 there is a special kind of rooted peace in faithfully following where God is leading you. And that peace will only grow as you inhabit the space that God is clearing for you.

You don't have to feel called to be a vicar in order to feel called to be a priest. They are not interchangeable terms. Priest is a vocation, vicar is a job title for some priests.

It's ok to ask for what you need.

Don't keep running until you can't run any longer... saying yes to God is a wonderful thing (speaking as someone who first started exploring ordination 22 years ago and was ordained priest last month!!)

Be true to yourself and your calling. Let God be the one to transform and mould .... for me, keep my mouth shut more often! X

1/3 Interesting - find myself aware that I have seen too many people badly damaged in the discernment process in different dioceses who are not able to be part of this group. I think my words would be remember you are first a daughter of the king

2/3 - and your calling is to be transformed into the likeness of Christ. While ordination may be the way God calls you as that is how he can grow you within the context of the body of Christ best, it maybe that it is the process of discernment that is the calling.

3/3 And please please remember God’s church is bigger than organisational church of which you are a member - which like all institutions is fallen - and that church induced trauma is a reality.

I got sent this yesterday. Speaks volumes to me.

1/2 2It’s ok to be yourself.

I was surprised to be recommended because I was quiet at the BAP meals and had very little to say in conversations. This didn’t matter. On my Form I had written that people’s initial impression of me is of someone who is shy and reserved.

2/2 The Panel agreed. What was on paper tallied with what they saw and showed self-awareness. Good, huh?

Always listen for God to speak through your doubts and fears; his voice will be the one that speaks words of kindness and truth.

After God calls you, you will feel like you’re in a far from transparent process. There are hidden hurdles to jump before church will accept and progress vocation. Be proactive if you can, or prepare for the long haul.

You will get there!