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A non-exhaustive list of reasons why *directly* asking someone to put their pronouns in their bio, instead of generally asking people to, could wind up being harmful. 
1. The person you're asking may not be "out" as trans yet, and asking them to put their pronouns in their bio may add unnecessary pressure or cause dysphoria.
2. The person you're asking may not know yet what pronouns they want to use, and aren't comfortable announcing that.
3. The person you're asking may fear harassment based on backlash associated with the pronouns they choose.
4. The person you're asking may use some pronouns in some spaces, and other pronouns in other spaces, and would prefer to have a conversation about that privately rather than placing it in their bio.
5. The person you're asking is questioning their gender privately and only wants certain people to know this, and simultaneously doesn't want to misgender themselves in their bio.
6. The person you're asking is in an unsafe situation, and is cautious about public disclosure.
7. The person you're asking is "stealth" and is fearful that placing pronouns in their bio might signal to others that they are transgender.
I share this because for a long time, I would occasionally receive an email, message, or tweet, asking me why my pronouns weren't in my bio. Truthfully, it was because I wasn't 100% sure what pronouns I was okay with. I wanted folks to gender me on their own to see how it felt.
And for trans and gender questioning folks, there are valid reasons why public disclosure isn't safe or isn't right for us. And in those instances, it isn't anyone's business why they haven't included their pronouns in a visible way. It's YOUR business to ask if you're unsure.
Here's the kicker, too. Even when I had he/him in my bio... I was they/them'd CONSTANTLY. Primarily by other trans people! It didn't actually do anything to ensure I was gendered correctly.
(I'm okay with they/them now. But I didn't really get to have my own process around it.)
(I'm okay with they/them now. But I didn't really get to have my own process around it.)
It's totally fine if you post broadly, asking folks to include their pronouns in their bios (especially cisgender folks).
But reaching out directly to someone, telling them that they need to include them, is not giving people the agency to declare them on their own terms.
But reaching out directly to someone, telling them that they need to include them, is not giving people the agency to declare them on their own terms.
You really never know what someone is going through. So don't assume that someone isn't including their pronouns out of ignorance or forgetfulness.
If you really need to know, go ahead and ask. But let folks come out publicly in their own way, on their own time.
If you really need to know, go ahead and ask. But let folks come out publicly in their own way, on their own time.
