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My personal rankings of @CNN anchors/reporters/frequent guests over the last 4 days (a thread):
1. John King (Magic Wall Aficionado) - The absolute fucking GOAT. Our fearless leader. My King. Says the same thing over and over yet I can’t get enough. Absolute WIZARD on the magic wall.
2. Anderson Cooper (Anchor) - Will call out your bullshit. Cute little glasses. Something about him feels like home.
3. Abby Philip (Correspondent)- Smiles through it all. Says my thoughts but even better. Super smart.
4. Joe Gloria (Nevada Election Official) - Pissed at EVERYONE. Can’t count votes for shit but thoroughly entertaining.
5. Kaitlyn Collins (White House Correspondent) - You can tell she’s had to put up with some BULLSHIT. Keeps telling us about Trump’s administration just falling apart. Inject that shit straight into my veins.
6. Jim Acosta (White House Correspondent)- Always telling us how much Trump is suffering. Can’t get much better than that.
7. Kyung Lah (Arizona Reporter)- Def risked her life the other night just to tell us that Maricopa County doesn’t give a shit, they’ll count when they want to count.
8. Dana Bash (Correspondent)- Apparently used to be married to John King? which has made some SPICY drama that I’m probably making up in my mind.
9. Kathy Bookvar (PA Sec. of State- sorry- Sec. of COMMONWEALTH)- I think out of everyone she’s the best at her job?
10. Jake Tapper (Anchor)- Looks like he’s HATING this and I am too so I can relate. Says some really sassy stuff about Trump so that’s why he squeaks into the top-10 here. This photo has been his face for the last 4 days straight.
11. Gloria Borger (Correspondent)- She feels like a Fox News correspondent who woke the fuck up.
12. Van Jones (Correspondent)- His glasses are far too small. I literally can’t stop looking at his little tiny glasses.
13. David Chalian (Who even knows)- Seems well-rounded. Started out as exit poll guy but now he’s math guy? Has kept his energy at a TEN since day one.
14. Kate Bolduan (Philly Reporter)- Always brings good news. Would have been higher if not for the way her last name is spelled (pronounced Baldwin).
15. (tie) Jeff Zeleny/Arlene Saenz (Biden team Correspondents)- They both basically just tell us that Joe Biden isn’t nervous.
16. Brian Todd (Allegheny Reporter) - Always wears his mask but RARELY knows where to stand.
17. David Axelrod (Correspondent) - Wise, weird, old man. Name sounds far more metal than he is.
18. Katie Hobbs (Arizona Sec. of State)- Trying her best but my girl is OVERWHELMED.
19. Chris Cuomo (Anchor) - Intimidates me greatly. I liked the episodes better when he fought with his brother about their mom.
20. Phil Mattingly (Magic Wall Backup) - He’ll never be John King but he’s trying his best. Does cute little banter about the death of our democracy.
21. Pamela Brown (I think she has the same job as Chalian? But she gets to sit down? Unclear) - Mostly talks about the recount in Georgia and recounting when we haven’t even finished counting STRESSES ME OUT.
22. Ben Ginsberg (Republican Election Lawyer)- Scares the SHIT out of me. They cut to him every 15 minutes, just for him to to say Trump has no case and to mumble something about working for Nixon. I don’t believe he’s slept/showered.
23. Wolf Blitzer (Anchor) - Feels like he’s trying his best to convince me he’s not a time traveler from like 80 years ago. Gets WAY too excited.
25. I apparently can’t add any more tweets. The rest are all worse/not as memorable. Mostly underwhelming white guys. I’m SURE I missed a fav, I’ll tweet edits as needed. But one thing is for certain: Rick Santorum is so far in last place it’s not even funny.
