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Teeing up tonight's #fridaynightnavyknowledge thread
Gather 'round & let's talk about something as simple as ready room/wardroom movies...
Teeing up tonight's #fridaynightnavyknowledge thread
Gather 'round & let's talk about something as simple as ready room/wardroom movies...
In command I had one rule for the ready room when it came to ready room movies - no pR0n. They knew my values, knew my trip lines, and new our collective culture. It was shaping up to be a doozie of a cruise, fewer rules = better, but demonstrate good headwork.
This rule, or lack of rules, worked well. Adults were adults. I trusted them with $80M jets, I trusted them with movie choices. Then one day my XO fwd me an email he got from a senior leader in the squadron. There was a complaint about a movie playing in the ready room.
The complainant had walked into the ready room and saw a topless woman in a scene. The movie (I forget now) was PG-13 or R - but well within bounds of what I'd considered acceptable. The complaint rested on the fact that a few of my female officers were in the RR at the time.
The complainant, a male, felt it was offensive to the women that a topless woman was on the big screen in the front of the RR. Ok. So I started doing a little digging. I asked what movie was playing, again, nothing obviously out of bounds.
I discretely asked a few of the female officers if they'd had any issue with that, or any other movie, joke, song, or conversation that had occurred. I told each that it was important to me (the squadron) for us not to make each other feel uncomf or unwelcomed.
the answers were unanimous, "no, and what would make you ask?" I went further. I asked each of the Black officers a similar question, as well as the gay officer, and a few of the white dudes as well. Don't single people out for superficial differences.
each officer I spoke to told me, "no, and if I did, I would feel 100% comfortable speaking up." I asked if they felt like I'd (and their squadron mates would have their back/support their issue) - "yes, but again, why are we having this conversation?"
I next took the email down to CAG's office to let him know that I had what seemed like an informal CMEO complaint, what I'd already done, and what I planned to do going forward - that would include making NO changes to my movie "policy." He had zero issues.
I took the email and this story down to the ship's CMEO czar. her full time job was managing ship's CMEO program. For what it's worth, she was a Black woman. She told me I did not have a CMEO problem. She pointed out an obvious irony - ship's site TV played MUCH worse...
Then I called the complainant down to my stateroom where we had a conversation. I was pissed, but I didn't let it show. I genuinely wanted to have a conversation. I asked about the basis of the complaint and what he thought an appropriate remedy looked like. Shrugs...
I told him I wasn't angry he'd voiced his concern, in fact, I was happy he felt comfortable doing so, but.....then the conversation shifted to how to go about doing this. email to the XO was decidedly NOT the best way...
when in command, YOU own the culture of a unit. YOU'RE accountable for all that occurs. I told him that, in that light, and considering his position, I was owed a knock on the door, a phone call, a person-person conversation. Not a fwd email from the XO.
I reiterated that I was not angry about him speaking up, but the manner in which he handled it.
later that night one of the female officers stopped me & asked to talk. She asked who spoke up, I demurred. She wanted that person to know that she found it offensive someone thought she needed someone to speak up FOR her. She was MORE than capable of speaking up for herself.
solid point. there's a diff between advocacy, bystander intervention, and condescension. leaders need to have the emotional IQ to find that diff. it starts with communication.
we had a regularly scheduled AOM that night. I told the room why I'd been asking those questions earlier. I protected the identity of the complainant. I reminded each that we are nothing if we make one feel excluded or not-welcomed. They all looked confused - like "duh."
I told them I was making no changes to the movie policy, and that I still viewed the ready room as our (aviators) living room, hang out, sometimes-work space, and general chill place. There aren't a lot of those on a ship. this was our, make good choices, and protect it.
a few weeks later one of the women was sitting SDO (duty officer at desk in RR). A movie came on that started off with a long line of raw racial slurs. nobody said anything, nobody freaked out. without saying anything, she simply turned it off and put a new one on.
again, nobody batted an eyelash. she knew my values, her values, and our squadron culture. she correctly judged that be non-congruent and made a decision. I made mental note - we're doing ok.
