Read on Twitter
This was my Brother. He died 20 Oct 2015. He ended his own life.
It has taken me a long time to write this post, and it has been deleted many times, I hope this time I get it done.
It has taken me a long time to write this post, and it has been deleted many times, I hope this time I get it done.
He was 11 years older, this made our relationship difficult, no matter what I did, he had been there before. And to a young kid had done it better.
To him that must have been a hell of a change when we were both adults, to find someone who resisted him being in charge so much.
To him that must have been a hell of a change when we were both adults, to find someone who resisted him being in charge so much.
But to me it was trying to redress the balance. We both served 20+ years each, and our careers were very different.
But no matter what, he was always older and more experienced until he left.
That was difficult for us both.
But no matter what, he was always older and more experienced until he left.
That was difficult for us both.
And why is that important, because the pressure of being the one in charge, the older one, it makes talking to someone harder. Would you share your struggles with a JNCO if you are a WO?
That is how he felt when he was struggling.
That is how he felt when he was struggling.
It was self imposed, but to him that feeling of struggle was real. Shame is, to me, one of the most powerful emotions. It's the one that keeps me awake at night, thinking about what I could have done differently in many parts of my life.
And it's shame which closes us down, stops us talking and being open with each other. It is such a hurdle to get over, it can make small things seem insurmountable.
They aren't, but they do feel it, and that feeling is what controls us.
They aren't, but they do feel it, and that feeling is what controls us.
His death wasn't down to PTSD it was down to shame. He was ashamed he was struggling. He was ashamed of how and why, and I didn't know that until it was too late.
But it's not just a one sided story.
But it's not just a one sided story.
While my brother had been struggling so had I. My personal life had been falling apart, because of my behaviour, I had got myself into a very dark space. I had, more than once, considered how to end my life and had convinced myself it would be better for others if I wasn't there.
What ultimately saved me was the death of my brother. And that is a guilt I live with.
It forced me to examine what I needed to do, I engaged in therapy, speaking to someone open and honestly helped. It helped me communicate better, to confront what I needed to.
It forced me to examine what I needed to do, I engaged in therapy, speaking to someone open and honestly helped. It helped me communicate better, to confront what I needed to.
My wife to my eternal gratitude helped me when she didn't have to. This helped me, beyond what she will ever know.
The last time my brother and I met was 2 years before his death. I had no idea the next time I would meet him would be identifying his body with a police officer. Sitting in a room holding his hand as I broke down.
You can't ever imagine that.
You can't ever imagine that.
But we do know our friends and family, we don't ever know everything, but it's important to have them know they can be open. Go for a brew often, when people come in close your terminals, if we do that more often, people will share with us.
If they share, listen, and keep listening. It's not always someone at the edge of a bridge, it's sometimes someone sharing they are having a crap time.
Early intervention is the best, by far.
If we get it right, there will be less people at the edge of a bridge.
Early intervention is the best, by far.
If we get it right, there will be less people at the edge of a bridge.
