Thread of thoughts on venting & boundaries: if someone you're regularly venting and revealing your deepest secrets to repeatedly says or asks that you probably see a therapist, do not ignore that, do not dismiss it, do not miss what they are saying to you.

not everyone can afford a therapist, & this is not about that. people's ability listen to & supply free help or simply absorb your issues is limited, no matter how deeply we care for one another. laypeople are also not equipped with the skills to deal with larger, complex issues.

I've had to back away from good friendships after being the therapist-friend for a long time, & despite asking these people to seek therapy (they could afford it & I had plenty of recommendations if they wanted them), they outright said they preferred talking with me

that's not a compliment, & men need to take note of this the most. being cast as a 'manic pixie cool girl' to their tortured souls is a shitty thing to force on someone, especially when trespassing their boundaries.

for others, there needs to be negotiation of how much venting is tolerable, but when it's clear that the venting is keeping you in a holding pattern rather than pushing you to seek change or help... that's really not ok to keep dumping, taking zero advice, not figuring next steps

And I understand some situations are complex! Some situations are irretrievably impossible to extricate yourself from. I do get that. Everyone's boundaries are still super important, whether venting or listening/helping.

It's a sign of love to set boundaries. when someone says 'this is something you need professional help with' or 'i can't listen to this as much/anymore', respect that. Purposefully disrespect/trespaqssing those boundaries is a violent act, & essentially the antithesis of love.

additionally, don't then try to lecture the person who's been listening to & helping you for however long on anything. They're probably acutely aware of your situation, as listeners. Sit back, and instead listen to & hear them.

that's about it, really

(for now, probably)