It's Friday night

Everyone else is asleep

Lockdown is still in effect

So, as a neuroscientist, I'm going to watch the classic Star Trek episode 'Spock's Brain', widely regarded as one of the worst ever, and tweet my findings

Here goes

#StarTrek #SpocksBrain #SciComm

Ship thing incoming. Everyone looks tense. Standard Star Trek so far

#SpocksBrain

Spock: "Atmosphere... conventional nitrogen oxygen"

I like the idea that there are unconventional ones available. Premium nitrogen oxygen? Bespoke? Gluten free?

#SpocksBrain

Woman just materialised and knocked out everyone on the ship with her arm panel that has 3 buttons. She also has a short skirt and thigh-high boots

I've now got a mental image of ET wearing that, and I'm not enjoying it

#SpocksBrain

Woman alien intruder stole Spock's brain! And left him in sickbay, on a medical bed. Which is nice of her, I guess? But I do love this dialogue

Kirk "Is he dead?"

"He's worse than dead... his brain is gone!"

Fact check: those typically amount to the same thing

#SpocksBrain

You can tell Spock's brain is gone because he has some gold mesh over his forehead

I forget this was the 60s though. And what DO you do for someone whose brain has been nicked? We still don't know. Believe it or not, it rarely comes up

#SpocksBrain

"How could he survive?"

"Every nerve ending of the brain must've been neatly sealed. Nothing ripped, nothing torn, no bleeding"

Thing is, if you remove someone's brain, it's not the severed nerves/blood vessels that kills them. It's the 'removing the brain' bit

#SpocksBrain

Although, admittedly, if you left the brainstem and surrounding regions, there'd be enough left to maintain basic physiological functions, so the body wouldn't die. Not right away, anyway. Maybe that's what's happened and McCoy is sparing Kirk the details?

#SpocksBrain

"That incredible Vulcan physique kept the body functioning until the life support took over"

It's my understanding that Vulcans, having evolved on a high gravity arid world, are indeed very hardy. So, this checks out I guess?

#SpocksBrain

"Autonomic functions"

Ding! Accurate terminology used correctly. 10 points to McCoy

#SpocksBrain

"...but there is no mind!"

No, McCoy. There's no brain. So, no mind. That's a given

I don't know if he's labouring a point needlessly or if Kirk is known to be particularly slow on the uptake with medical matters.

#SpocksBrain.

"Spock's body is much more dependant on that tremendous brain for life support"

...mate, you JUST said that his Vulcan physiology makes him more hardy. Not even 'earlier', it was in THIS EXACT SCENE!

Pick a prognosis and stick to it, McCoy!

#SpocksBrain

"It was taken out. It can be put back in"

Given his 'reputation', this isn't a brilliant line from Kirk.

#SpocksBrain

Just now

"I can't tell you how long I can keep him alive, there's no guarantee"

Now

"If you can't find his brain within 24 hours you can forget the whole thing, Jim"

McCoy really isn't one for sticking with a prognosis, is he.

#SpocksBrain

Inspecting alien planet and their industrial development

Kirk: "Earth equivalent approximately... the year 1485"

That's... alarmingly specific. I suspect Kirk did a thesis on that year. I bet every other planet they find is equivalent to 1485

#SpocksBrain

The planet which is primitive, in an ice age, is showing signs of advanced technology, and they're all having trouble with this concept

Despite being from an interstellar organisation that has space travel and extrasolar colonies. Come on, guys.

#SpocksBrain

"But... WHY do they want Spock's brain?"

They've been looking for it for 16 hours and Uhura is the first person to consider this? She doesn't get paid enough

I mean, I know none of them get paid, it's a post-money civilisation. But still.

#SpocksBrain

"If I guess wrong, Mr Spock is dead. Spock will die"

...yes Kirk. That was pretty clear from the first statement.

#SpocksBrain

Ah, classic 60s-era 'cavemen'.

#SpocksBrain

Two redshirts on this away mission (not including Scotty), they just had a battle with the primitives, neither of them died.

Well, they haven't died 'yet'.

#SpocksBrain

"The others. They bring pain. And delight." And this large hulking man doesn't understand the concept of 'women'.

I feel like this is about to go all crudely-handled 60s-era gender politics analogy, and I'm really not happy about it

#SpocksBrain

Oh god, McCoy's turned Spock into a radio controlled flesh puppet.

See, it's the future, who knows what medical advances have occurred that would make this plausible. My main beef is that his controller only has 8 buttons! Human(oid)s do more than 8 movements!

#SpocksBrain

Psychologically speaking, McCoy, as ship's doctor should have given Kirk a heads up, for the sake of his mental health if nothing else

"Jim, your best friend and closest confidante? I've got him rigged up as a mindless meat robot. So, maybe brace yourself"

#SpocksBrain

"There's enough power to push this planet out of orbit"

"What the source?"

"Either a nuclear pile 100 miles across..."

My physics is a bit rusty, but I'm fairly sure that still wouldn't be nearly enough to dislodge a whole planet.

#SpocksBrain

Elevator opens. First thing Kirk sees is a woman. She looks panicked, he shoots her. Stun setting admittedly, but still

Feel like the woman isn't the danger, here

#SpocksBrain

McCoy is doing a tricorder-based polygraph test on a woman from an unknown species, and is very confident that she's not lying

There's just too much there to take apart. It's a whole melange of scientific bollocks

#SpocksBrain

Not sure Kirk has to grab the confused, scantily-clad woman he's interrogating so firmly. Guess he's the sort of guy who likes to go the extra mile

#SpocksBrain

"You'll get nothing out of this one, Jim. Hers is the mind of a child"

Pretty sure McCoy didn't do any scans about that, it's just what he thinks.

#SpocksBrain

"The primitive creatures warned us about the givers of pain and delight, and the frightening consequences of being captured by them"

Not sure if Kirk's talking about the alien race or he's just spent 5 minutes browsing the men's rights activist threads on Reddit

#SpocksBrain

"She may not remember [what she did], or even really know. Dissociation may be complete"

See, this is why this is weird. That's a totally legit scientifically valid thing for McCoy to say there, so clearly there is some expertise involved here.

#SpocksBrain

"There's no sun, but there's light". This is said by Scotty, and he sounds confused when he says it.

He's clearly not a real Celt, because that's not unusual for us, that's the default.

#SpockBrain

In a society dominated by women...

Kirk: "Your controller! Yes, I would like to see him".

300 years into the future, unconscious bias training still hasn't caught on.

#SpocksBrain

"Brain and Brain. What is Brain?!?"

Yup, I had this exact meltdown during my 3rd year exams

#SpocksBrain

Shatner's agonised writhing is... well, it's something.

#SpocksBrain

"I never believed the human organism could take such pain" says McCoy, after having experienced said pain, and is currently acting more like someone who's stretching out after a moderately intense massage.

#SpocksBrain

"There's no sign of engineering genius in any of those women". OK Scotty mate, give it a rest. So your wife left you because you work too much, there's no need to let it consume your whole personality.

#SpocksBrain

"I noticed the delight aspect of this place... but that too was STRICTLY UNDER THE COMMAND OF THE WOMEN"

Kirk has, shall we say, 'issues', with the concept of women in authority. Let's hope he doesn't get put in charge of a super powerful star ship or anything

#SpocksBrain

"I think that science may provide an answer"

"Agreed, Captain"

"And it does"

[Kirk turns and delivers gut punch to guard, scrap ensures]

I'd criticise, but I've seen grant approval meetings get bloodier than this

#SpocksBrain

[Kirk delivers double-handed punch to hulking guard]

"Science will triumph!"

Yeah, I'm OK with this.

#SpocksBrain

"My medulla oblangata is apparently hard at work pumping blood, maintaining normal body temperature..."

At this point, the random nuggets of accurate neuroscientific exposition are more disorientating than anything, for me.

#SpocksBrain

[Disembodied voice Spock] "The skill to install a brain does not yet exist in the galaxy"

I approve of them acknowledging how insanely difficult such a thing would be.

#SpocksBrain

The 'dextrous movements with only an 8 button controller' scene I was expecting just happened, and I resent it

#SpocksBrain

Strong 'coercing a woman to accept a violation' vibes here, and it's rather unpleasant

#SpocksBrain

So there's a device full of head spikes that can implant complex knowledge into the average brain, so they become experts at stuff

Feel like the Star Trek people may have a legal case against the Matrix franchise

#SpocksBrain

[Now enhanced leader woman] "Without me, Spock would be dead. I did the surgery that allowed his body to survive"

[Kirk and McCoy thank her]

But arrogant? "Yeah I robbed your house, but I wiped my shoes before walking on the carpet, so you owe me"

#SpocksBrain