News Update #6 from the People's Republic of Lockdown for Nov 6, 2027

Following an emergency meeting of ROSEMARY, the decision has been made to save lives and protect the NHS.

Cancer screenings, heart surgeries and other non-essential procedures have been cancelled...

...and replaced with regular clapping to celebrate brave frontline staff.

The Government is pleased to report that significant progress has been made in the battle against misinformation with over 30 prominent immunologists, virologists and other COVID deniers arrested...

...and referred for treatment at a re-education facility.

New polling shows that over 146% of the public now support lockdown, while 70% want it "harder, deeper, faster".

Opposition Leader David Icke could not be reached for comment on these developments as he was busy...

...burning down a telegraph pole.

An enquiry into discrimination against bleeders and menstruators has produced a damning report. "Sexism is rife in society and we can only tackle this by abolishing the concept of gender," said Sam Smith, spokespeople for the enquiry.

We...

...remind citizens to maintain social distancing of at least 10 miles from anyone who matters to them, stay at home and save lives. Anyone wishing to end their life is invited to travel to Switzerland to avoid ruining British statistics.

Travel Abroad. Die. Protect the NHS.

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