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Here's some random therapy footnotes for you:
The difference between high self esteem and low self esteem is when something is miscommunicated, a person with low self esteem will think it was their fault. High self esteem will consider it a miscommunication (or in some cases, the other person's fault)
At the same time, blame doesn't matter. Fault does! It's important to learn from mistakes and not repeat them. But nothing is gained through blame
If you remove yourself from a situation, do you see your footprint in it? Kohut wrote this was the essence of empathy and that almost all emotional life comes from the relationships we have--with ourselves, other people, and physical/mental objects
People often confuse embarrassment and it's difference between learning a new skill with the judgment of others. This comes from the socialization we experience when were young, because that's when were beginners at most things, and the judgment we received from others when we 1
Didn't complete a task the way it's meant to be completed. As an adult, you (hopefully) learn that you're going to look silly doing something for the first time. Does that perceived judgment from others, which is an internalized mechanism from youth, stop you from trying?
And if so, why? What does it cost you, as an adult, to look silly? Why do judgments stop you from trying new things?
Part of this is that brains are much more "locked in" to patterns as we get older and we've kept that idea of perceived judgment without challenging it
Part of this is that brains are much more "locked in" to patterns as we get older and we've kept that idea of perceived judgment without challenging it
Which goes to another major footnote: without observation, people continue the patterns of behavior they've done all their lives--in some occasional cases, doing the exact opposite to a fault, i.e.: a boy who grew up with a temper learns 1
to hide anger and sees any expression of anger as a regression. Almost all feelings are spectrums and we're better at expressing/feeling some more than others. Some are better at identifying/expressing sadness, some are better at feeling angry, etc.
What we don't work on, the stuff that goes unchallenged, is the stuff that we repeat throughout our lives because we haven't learned to see it as the spectrum. We see it as an on/off switch.
Ok, good luck making sense of all that.
I'll add one more thing, which is something I've said a number of times: narcissism is good. We learn from self perspective. We learn by looking at how others react to situations and putting them in situations that we ourselves have been put in.
People who are aware of their ego (more the "self," not freudian ego) are aware of how to use narcissism as a tool for learning and bettering themselves. People with narcissistic personality disorder have little idea of themselves, are constantly in search of it from others.
This is why I laugh at horse whispers
If you got any questions about any of this, feel free to ask, I'm going to bed soon tho
