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This hearing is wild. The judge is like, "You attached none of the required documents and even so, this is a catastrophic fuckup on your part." https://twitter.com/KlasfeldReports/status/1324402059559477248
"Your entire case is that a person told another person something, but we don't know anything about either person, what they said, or if any of it's true." JUDGE CYNTHIA STEPHENS FOR PRESIDENT 2024
Also the Trump lawyer in the YouTube simulcast is in front of some kind of green ... sheet, so, do your thing, Internet.
This judge is so done. "You're alleging in your lawsuit that something illegal happened, you have no proof, the people involved aren't who you say they are, COME ON NOW."
Shorter Heather Meingast: We have no ability to give the president a win here because he's lost, and their documents are word salad, plus the time to fight about this bullshit was six days ago, dumbfucks.
DNC lawyer who looks like Fish from Ally McBeal but it's hot: We can't let them observe something that isn't going on anymore. Also THEY'VE SUED THE WRONG DEFENDANT oh my god.
He's trying to be nice but he just said "there's no right to view surveillance video of voters casting ballots" like I tell my kid she can't eat Halloween candy for breakfast.
I am heavily paraphrasing all of this, I am not a journalist, I make dick jokes on the internet, please do not bother these people because I'm translating their legalese fuck-yous into literal ones.
But this is a direct quote: "THEIR CLAIMS ARE UNSUPPORTED BY THE LAW AND THEY NAMED THE WRONG DEFENDANT." Marry me, man named Kevin Hamilton I've never seen before ever but now love like my own family.
JUDGE CYNTHIA THEE STEPHENS: "I need some help from you since the party you are asking for help from doesn't actually have the power to do what you're asking them to do, you fucking doughnut."
Let this hearing usher in an era of Donald Trump and his creatures being treated like just the most ridiculous idiots. Let it be done.
As @illusory_tenant points out, Trump's lawyer's name is THOR HEARNE, go home writers, you're drunk.
Judge Cynthia Stephens, First of Her Name: "You're asking for stuff that either can't be done, isn't required of anyone to do, wouldn't help your dude, and also nothing went wrong that you have any proof of."
If there's a transcript of this hearing I'm getting it tattooed on my spine. It's just the most deliciously humiliating thing I've ever seen.
Judge Cynthia Stephens, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons: "The request for relief is going to be denied based on you all being dumb as hell, wrong on the law, and ugly as sin."
"The relief being requested is unavailable because you stupid assholes filed at 4 p.m. instead of when you were out in front of the press screaming WE'RE GONNA SUE."
And we adjourn the most satisfying ass-kicking I've ever seen in a courtroom, that was magnificent, I love everyone in this bar.
Guys, here's the actual video, it took about 10 minutes for the Trump case to fall apart, you can spare it for every delightful second:
