I'm dreading winter.

4 months of lockdown - yes, it will be. I was thinking that anyway, but Sunak's extension of furlough until March has confirmed it.

Resumption of the queues outside supermarkets. But in the cold and dark this time, not on a pleasant spring day.

And nobody ever fucking says a word to me on Twitter.

Someone else says they're going to be alone on Twitter - 8K likes.

I get nothing but crickets and tumbleweed.

Screw the lockdown.

Screw it. Screw it. Screw it.

I don't care anymore.

I'm seeing my mum. I don't care if it's legal or illegal.

I don't give a fucking shit.

I've had enough. I'm not listening to these nonsense rules a second longer. Everyone else on Twitter can if they want, but I'M not going to.

I know how the north feels, although I've always been sympathetic to them to be fair.

Now the south has been dragged into this utter nonsense.

So many shops and businesses will go under.

And for what?

For a virus that won't be contained because it's a fucking seasonal virus and it's fucking winter and because we don't have ANYTHING else besides lockdown.

I'm classed as clinically vulnerable and got an email from the DHSC the other day.

I don't give a fucking shit.

I haven't shielded. I've been going to pubs and restaurants all summer long with my mum. Yeah, we took a chance.

We never got the coronavirus. I guess we were one of the lucky ones.

You know what, if my luck runs out I don't care.

Living alone, never having anyone to see or anyone to come to see you is a living nightmare of loneliness and depersonalisation.

You don't feel like a human being.

This summer gave me a brief return to normality, even though I was still depressed and scared for the future.

My mum is 80, she doesn't have many years left and didn't want to waste it being a prisoner indoors.

The middle class wankers, with their cosy family lives, have tutted endlessly at old people like my mum who had the temerity to want to enjoy the remaining few years left of their life instead of spending it like a prisoner indoors.

Fuck you.

It's different when you've got a family. And a big house and a garden. I live in a flat where the only view I've got is of cars and nothing else - not even a fucking tree or blade of grass in sight.

Meanwhile my brother sat out in his garden every fucking day.

During the first lockdown that is.

He, his wife and his children got to see a robin raising its chicks in a nest in the hedge.

I got nothing but indoors and fucking Twitter.

Fucking Twitter condemning every who left their homes and went to the park.

I don't care about your guilt-tripping this time.

I will be seeing my mum. And, if possible, other people too. My brother for example (not the wanky Brexity one).

You can shove your pandemic up your fucking arse.

If I get symptoms then I will isolate.

Not a millisecond earlier.

I don't care what you think. I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.

If I get Covid and it kills me (unlikely tbh, but I am classed as clinically vulnerable, am entitled to a free flu jab, etc.), then so be it.

It will solve all my problems, that's for sure.

The only thing I fear is the PROCESS of dying. Dying of Covid is not fun, that much I do know.

But fuck it, short of dying in your sleep, every method of dying is slow, horrible and agonisingly painful.

And unavoidable. We all fucking die one day.

And my death will be lonelier than most.

I've stared down that barrel so many times already.

You stop caring. About anything. The only thing you feel is pain. But even worse than the pain in some ways is the numbness. And the depersonalisation. You don't even feel real.

The things which tether you to the human race I don't have or very little of - relationships, work, etc.

Lockdown just severs that completely for some people.

And the smug middle class idiots just assume that's fine.

Of course it's fine for you, with your supportive spouse, your children that you love, and your furlough. I'd probably be an unequivocal supporter of lockdown if I was in that position too.

As it so happens, I just think it's not only utterly shit, it was actually avoidable.

This government has no other means of handling the virus apart from lockdown. It borrows heavily to support furlough, which taxpayers will be paying for for the next 30 years - you don't think the Tories will sacrifice a single penny themselves do you?

The Tories don't care about our lives. That's why they are happy to use lockdown as a blunt tool whenever it looks as though the NHS is going to be overwhelmed.

This could become a yearly thing from now on. In fact without a vaccine it almost certainly will be.

Do you realise how contagious this fucking thing is? Denmark having to kill 15m mink because it's running riot in mink farms and passing to humans.

We'll NEVER get rid of it. We just won't. Europe ain't prepared to be as ruthless as Asia on that front.

And even if it was, what about America, America, India?

This virus is a permanent new addition to the world. A vaccine would help, but won't be the magic bullet - too many people won't get it, virus will evolve to bypass it, etc.

And lockdowns are the worst possible way of dealing with it.

It's too late for Covid-19, but the world urgently needs to tackle the conditions which led to the appearance of Covid in the first place. It will not be the last fucking virus to appear intensive animal farming.

And one day a virus as contagious as Covid but with a 30% death rate may appear.

Believe it or not, we were relatively lucky with Covid. Nasty disease but low mortality rate.

I'm just rambling now.

All I know is most of the world has utterly fucked up its pandemic response. Will we learn from experience? I doubt it.