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Watching men of all races, creeds, and economic backgrounds choose to subsume America to the grotesque criminality and tyranny of Trump necessitates a stern and in-depth reevaluation of how we teach and perceive of masculinity.
So let's talk about what masculinity is and isn't.
So let's talk about what masculinity is and isn't.
Masculinity is not a scarce resource, endlessly ebbing like sands through an hour-glass, or a terrifying performance like spinning plates on sticks, demanding that a man race from one demonstration of expected behaviors to another.
That's not manly.
That's just fear of others.
That's not manly.
That's just fear of others.
Masculinity is not a contest. We are not dogs in a pack all sniffing at the ass of the agreed-upon alpha. There is not a finite number of "alpha males," nor is one's masculinity enhanced by hitching one's wagon like a hanger-on to some perceived stronger man.
Each can be strong.
Each can be strong.
Masculinity is not measured by one's control over women, whether that is expressed in domestic abuse or in demonstrative dismissal or dominion of women, or in public policy that subsumes women's choices and bodies to government dictate.
Masculinity is not threatened by women.
Masculinity is not threatened by women.
Too many men look at the discrepancy between the successes they feel they ought to exhibit and the realities of their lives... and feel RAGE. They aren't rich enough, sexy enough, strong enough, loved enough.
They lash out at the ghost of a perceived birthright and hurt others.
They lash out at the ghost of a perceived birthright and hurt others.
These men, so prone to say "Fuck Your Feelings," are themselves consumed by and drowning in their own feelings.
They pretend strength because they feel weak.
They objectify because they feel objectified.
They gravitate to disruption because they feel success is out of reach.
They pretend strength because they feel weak.
They objectify because they feel objectified.
They gravitate to disruption because they feel success is out of reach.
To these men, meritocracy is both an illusion and a terror.
The promise of a rigged system that favors them without their effort is enticing. They NEED a sexist world, they think, because otherwise how will they ever have the things (wealth, women, etc.) that make one a man?
The promise of a rigged system that favors them without their effort is enticing. They NEED a sexist world, they think, because otherwise how will they ever have the things (wealth, women, etc.) that make one a man?
These men gravitate toward Donald Trump, not because he is some strong self-made man (they know he's not), but precisely because Trump is the embodiment of the most broken masculinity still made triumphant.
He doesn't work or work out or earn anything.
They want that ease, too.
He doesn't work or work out or earn anything.
They want that ease, too.
But masculinity isn't ease, and it isn't achieved at the expense of others.
Masculinity isn't "earned" at all, and therein lies the paradoxical joke on all these terrified men:
Masculinity is inherent. It's just who you ARE, gentlemen, when you strive to be your best selves.
Masculinity isn't "earned" at all, and therein lies the paradoxical joke on all these terrified men:
Masculinity is inherent. It's just who you ARE, gentlemen, when you strive to be your best selves.
Masculinity is not measured by what a man takes from the world, but by what a man builds in the world.
Masculinity is not achieved by tearing others down, but by building them up. A strong man does not fear others' strengths. He has more than enough of his own to share around.
Masculinity is not achieved by tearing others down, but by building them up. A strong man does not fear others' strengths. He has more than enough of his own to share around.
Masculinity is not threatened by strong and free femininity, but glories in strong and free femininity. The strong man loves strong women firstly because he loves freedom and strength themselves, but also because he loves challenge, growth, change, innovation, and new horizons.
Masculinity and femininity are not rivals for power, but intertwined partners helixing forward through the universe, each to be free and fully-formed, each supporting and lifting the other, each made better by the health of both itself and the other.
Men need women to be free.
Men need women to be free.
Masculinity is not afraid of itself, but serves as a framework through which men can address and overcome the fears that are true to all humans.
It is manly to cry.
It is manly to laugh.
It is manly to struggle and grow.
It is manly to love intensely and be loved intensely.
It is manly to cry.
It is manly to laugh.
It is manly to struggle and grow.
It is manly to love intensely and be loved intensely.
It is not manly to harm or hate others out of fear.
It is manly to heal others out of genuine love.
The strong man does not whine or play the victim, but finds his purpose in making others' lives better. He becomes more whole and more powerful by giving of himself, paradoxically.
It is manly to heal others out of genuine love.
The strong man does not whine or play the victim, but finds his purpose in making others' lives better. He becomes more whole and more powerful by giving of himself, paradoxically.
The boys we're raising need to learn to be men.
The men who are walking around broken, doing such damage to themselves and others, need to be fixed.
We begin by acknowledging the problem and earnestly seeking to build men into what they ought to be: strong, free, generous, true.
The men who are walking around broken, doing such damage to themselves and others, need to be fixed.
We begin by acknowledging the problem and earnestly seeking to build men into what they ought to be: strong, free, generous, true.
And yes, it is terrifying to too many men to address the causes of their own unhappiness.
Help them be brave.
Help them be true again to what they ought to be.
Too, too many can't do it on their own right now. They're lost.
No, this isn't fair to us all, but it is necessary.
Help them be brave.
Help them be true again to what they ought to be.
Too, too many can't do it on their own right now. They're lost.
No, this isn't fair to us all, but it is necessary.
