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I don’t know why I can’t get this out of my head but I watched nothing but food network for two months this spring, there’s a failing restaurant impossible where the place serves big plates of greasy bone-in hunks of muskrat
the place is, as always, failing terribly, for a million reasons. but I mean, obviously, look, you’re literally serving swamp gristle. this isn’t a mystery. robert irwin, who is also obviously an extremely knowledgeable trained chef, seizes on the muskrat.
it isn’t really even a fair debate. it’s a plate of what looks like you get in a 16-bit video game when you hit an enemy with a rocket launcher. but maybe worse, because it’s the color of beef left out in the sun for a week. what I’m saying is it’s a really, really bad menu item
but the owner resists. she has to keep it on the menu. irwin says fine let’s do a pros/cons list. he writes: it smells like shit! it tastes like shit! it’s literally rat. she writes: people buy it. it’s profitable! it’s a local delicacy! it’s a lenten alternative!
they stare at each other. she thinks she’s made a great argument. he thinks he’s pretty much proved this beyond argument. she wants to keep it. he stares at her, a horribly failing restaurant owner arguing to serve a rodent, and cocks his head
at this point robert irwin, realizing he’s run into a logic barrier that absolutely no one could possibly hurdle, and that any further argument is a total waste of his time, says fine. keep it. what am I, a guy who knows how to run successful restaurants, possibly gonna say?
she keeps it on the menu. he stares at his shoes for a second but because he’s a professional and is on a time limit to finish a show, puts on a happy face, goes through the motions, and “fixes” the restaurant for the closing segment of the show. success!
and I can’t get this out of my head. it’s a fucking rodent. but you know what the owner was right, people liked to eat it. shit, loved to eat it. it’s just that those people got to decide what kind of restaurant she ran at the expense of losing people who didn’t want to eat rats
this will come as a big surprise to you but the muskrat restaurant failed https://www.delawareonline.com/story/secondhelpings/2014/09/08/wagon-wheel-known-for-muskrat-has-closed/15282117/
but you know what, at some point I’ve gotta robert irvine this shit. you want to eat swamp rats? you’re like, aware, it’s a swamp rat? ok. I can’t logically work through this with you. you’re on a different plane. eat your fuckin rat. we know how it ends.
