I am a #palliative care doctor.

I am caring for multiple patients dying of #Covid.

When I meet with families, I always ask, “tell me about your loved one- what do they love when they are not sick in the hospital?”

1/

I have recently struggled to ballast my own emotions when the response is, “oh, they are so social.”

I hear about the daily breakfasts with friends, the joy of meeting up with loved ones, the “never met a stranger”.

“Just last week we went out for steaks and he was fine.”
2/

As a clinician who cares for
not only the patient,
not only the family,
but the entire system as a unit of care,

I need to acknowledge the righteous compassion rage that I feel when I hear the story of

Was fine

Eating out

Got tested, “just in case”

Dying.

Dying.

In the moment, I do not acknowledge this rage.

I practice palliative care and meet that family and patient where they are...

Which is shock and alarm at how serious “this #Covid really is“.

“We had no idea!”
4/

It is beyond my understanding,

in the month of November 2020,

in the context of an ongoing global pandemic,

how it is possible for members of my community to respond to a life threatening illness from this pandemic with genuine shock and alarm.

5/

Grief? Sure.

But shock? Alarm? Incredulity?

Where. Have. You. Been?

(And to whom have you been listening?)

6/

My colleagues are exhausted.

My peers in #healthcare are dying with the dangerous work of caring for the dying.

We are lonely.

We are tired.

We ache, explaining to our children that our rules at home are stricter than friends’ homes.

7/

I doubt that this will change anyone’s mind.

Those who live as usual will believe what they wish.

I will go on ignoring the glaring cognitive dissonance in the room.

I will not lecture the dying on their folly.

8/

But I will be damned if I allow this rage to fester inside without saying:

#covid is still serious.
Protect your community and loved ones.
Please, please listen to Fauci.
#StayHome .
#WearAMask .

Please.