Older, by/in moments. Taking a moment to write, paint, reflect, and look after myself.

The world has many more pressing issues in this moment than the personal reflections I'm having at the moment. But something I feel a strong need to put into the ether is: work as well as you can with others, but never relinquish yourself to them.

Events over the last few weeks have led me to think about when I was a young musician. My choice to not move to London; to not give in on making totally improvised music; to not stop working on play, on love, on my city. Those were foundational moments.

I learned to say "no" to things. This does not sit well with the general mindset of the jazz musician. Our careers are seemingly validated by always saying yes.

But: improvising is choosing and paying attention. Sometimes you have to pay attention, and choose to say "no".

And if you cannot choose, pay attention. My choice to stop performing live only came after I paid attention to my life.

Pay close attention to your life.

I say this not as a sage (Odera Oruka) but from experience of the contrary.