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Ok here's the secret the other Jews won't tell you.
Santa is real.
But you say, Moty, of course that's insane! We all know Santa Claus is fake! Parents give their kids the presents and even if not, how could he get everywhere in one night?
Santa is real.
But you say, Moty, of course that's insane! We all know Santa Claus is fake! Parents give their kids the presents and even if not, how could he get everywhere in one night?
That's where time zones come in and why (((we))) invented Daylight Saving Time but only in some areas and not others. That gets rid of a lot of the obstacles, but obviously that still leaves a ton of people to get to.
Here's the thing. Santa doesn't need to go to every house. BECAUSE PARENTS ARE USUALLY ABLE TO BUY GIFTS! Santa only goes where he's needed. He's not just handing out gifts willy nilly to everyone! He takes care of children in need who can't otherwise receive their gifts!
This of course is only for kids who celebrate Christmas. He's not here to force Christmas on Jewish or Muslim etc kids. So that also knocks out a ton.
Point is, Santa Claus is 100% real. He's just not exactly the way you imagined because legends grow and evolve and in this case completely overcorrect.
He's a jolly fat bearded man who gives presents to those who believe in him and can't get them otherwise.
He's a jolly fat bearded man who gives presents to those who believe in him and can't get them otherwise.
He also punches Arian heretics.
A lot of them.
It's his day job.
But anyway, WAKE UP SHEEPLE! SANTA IS REAL! GROW UP AND LOOK AT THIS REALISTICALLY!
A lot of them.
It's his day job.
But anyway, WAKE UP SHEEPLE! SANTA IS REAL! GROW UP AND LOOK AT THIS REALISTICALLY!
PS: If you want to cite the Santa Believers sketch from SNL in 1994 with Alec Baldwin, Janene Garafolo, and Kevin Nealon as proof against since they didn't buy separate presents and clearly believed but had no visit, keep in mind that it is just a comedic sketch and not truth.
