Sharing this in the hopes it helps others who are feeling the same way to see they’re not alone. Some thoughts I’ve had on friendships in the pandemic. Ignited by a specific event but the process examining my feelings took me through feels helpful.

I really hate this feeling that by trying to follow health guidelines, by trying to be responsible, by trying to stick to bubble limits, it’s my fault my friendships are changing.

I know some of my friends are seeing each other in person. There are mentions of dinners and posts about small parties or games. But also no invitations.

I likely wouldn’t go because it’s hard to do anything like that and still follow bubble guidelines. But I can’t say that knowing I’m not even being invited doesn’t sting.

And I get it. Why would they want to invite someone who’ll decline b/c they’re concerned about following health guidelines. Then they have to question and possibly confront if they’re not following guidelines. And that won’t make them feel good. So why would they send an invite?

Navigating these different levels of comfort and different levels of guideline-adherence in friendships is difficult and there are feelings of loneliness, exclusion, shame, guilt, and frustration that impact everyone involved.

I can’t—and don’t—hold grudges about it at all. But that pain of noticing how friendships seem to be fading, that feeling of having to choose between being responsible and maintaining connection, is so real in this time.

Coming to terms with the fact people you care about are making choices you wouldn’t make is a huge part of this pandemic. As easy as it is to call out, there are times when maintaining a friendship is more important than being right.

It’s hard to shift the bedrock on which a friendship is built/maintained. When you can’t dance at a club, what happens with those friends you only see when dancing at a club? When I play an online game, I think to invite those I’ve played with before, not those I go to clubs with

I should do more to specifically reach out to people with whom our friendships were built/sustained in physical spaces. Curate more occasions of online connection and hope they’re interested. If I’m not hearing from them, I should be specific in invitations and make that effort.

To be fair, that doesn’t change the loneliness or left-out feelings when they make those choices. But I’m not some sort of powerless, ‘woe is me’ victim either. And I know I’ve made choices myself that others wouldn’t have over the past few months, too.

To, to sum up, this weekend just reminded me how much this pandemic totally sucks and how we need to find ways to work through it as we work to end it.

(Also, why couldn’t this realization have come three days ago when I had my therapy appointment and a licensed professional to sort through it with me? lol )