remember:
DO NOT LET THE POLLS FOOL YOU.
and
DO NOT LET THE FOOLS POLL YOU.

the nearby TV says "biden is up nine hundred and twenty seven percent! he's expected to get so many votes that he'll win not only the 2020 election, but we'll be able to allocate the extra votes and preemptively declare him the winner of 2024 and 2028 and actually 2016 somehow?"

I narrow my eyes, say "hmmmm", and finish filling out my ballot. Not today, CNN.

Someone knocks on my door. They're wearing a mask vertically so it covers their mouth and right eye. They're holding a clipboard.

"HELLO SIR AND/OR MADAM, DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT?
I WOULD LIKE TO ASK WHO YOU ARE VOTING FOR THIS HALLOWEEN SEASON:
MICHAEL DUKAKIS OR A TUBE OF BUTTER?"

I slam the door shut.
I remember the wise words of foone.

not today, fools. not today.

a week later, CNN is showing the results, and the president is shown sad on TV, claiming the election was illegitimate.
former vice president biden... says the same.
Michael Dukakis is asked for his opinion on how he got the most 3rd party write-in-candidate votes ever

president-elect tube of butter again refuses to answer any questions, like "is a tube of butter even eligible to be president?" and "butter doesn't come in tubes, why is he a tube?" and "is he really a he? what gender is butter, anyway?"

one talking head on fox news argues that tube of butter is actually female, because butter is just churned milk and you don't get milk from the bulls, you get it from female cows

later it's pointed out you could make this argument for pretty much all people.
exceptionally few people are born from men or non-binary parents.

2021 ends up being at least 45% weirder than anyone was expecting.

gender is over as we're all women now, and the president is a tube of butter.

it still ends up making more sense than 2020 did

this thread was inspired by seeing this tweet: https://twitter.com/shinypinkbottle/status/1322672085190111232

but I didn't want to reply or quote retweet it because I was afraid I was going to make it overly silly and weird

and guess what

I was right

anyway, as rifftrax said...

and this clearly is just fictional. I already voted, last week.

I don't know why, when I give twitter an image that's 5:4 instead of the 16:9 it wants, but it's made of a 5:2 image evenly centered in a 5:4 transparent space, it consistently seems to thumbnail it with the 5:2 part TOWARDS THE TOP

WHY NOT JUST CENTER IT, TWITTER?

this is one of the reasons I voted for Tube of Butter anyway.

I'm gonna have to make a plugin for paint dot net that lets me click a button and resizes images to 16:9. sigh.

voters only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting

http://twitter.gov 

having worked for the government doing websites before, it's gonna be 2024 before we can get a working prototype of the new government-based twitter up and running.

it's not easy to rewrite the whole thing to run in java servlets, let me tell you

but on the plus side, you'll be able to log into http://twitter.gov  with your CAC card

and thankfully twitter will work a lot better on lower-end systems because of the old system requirements that say it has to run in "netscape" and "internet explorer" (ahh yes, the two browsers)

that was the case when I worked there.
in 2012.

keep in mind that in 2012, chrome had been out for 4 years
and the last real netscape release was a decade before

there were some netscapes from 2005-2007 which I don't think really count: they were rebadged Firefox releases made by AOL.

and also I know that "CAC Card" is technically incorrect. it's an example of RAS Syndrome: Redundant Acronym Syndrome.
CAC is Common Access Card.

It's a smart card used by the US government. I think it was designed for the military, but the civilian parts (and contractors) use it too.