Read on Twitter
News Update #5 from the People's Republic of Lockdown for 1 Nov, 2027
An emergency meeting of THYME has raised concerns about public dissent in relation to the lockdown first introduced 7 years ago. To tackle this pressing issue, Alastair Campbell has been appointed to manage...
An emergency meeting of THYME has raised concerns about public dissent in relation to the lockdown first introduced 7 years ago. To tackle this pressing issue, Alastair Campbell has been appointed to manage...
...the Government's PR policy.
"COVID-19 is the greatest threat to humanity since Saddam Hussein failed to develop WMD. We're going to flatten the curve like it's Fallujah," Mr Campbell said.
To raise public awareness of the danger, deaths from skiing accidents...
"COVID-19 is the greatest threat to humanity since Saddam Hussein failed to develop WMD. We're going to flatten the curve like it's Fallujah," Mr Campbell said.
To raise public awareness of the danger, deaths from skiing accidents...
... drowning and squirrel attacks will be recorded as deaths with COVID effective immediately.
In cultural news, a BBC comedian has apologised for jokes made in 1987.
"This was a difficult period of my life: I was 3 years old and did not yet have a team to write actual jokes...
In cultural news, a BBC comedian has apologised for jokes made in 1987.
"This was a difficult period of my life: I was 3 years old and did not yet have a team to write actual jokes...
...for me. This is no excuse."
Finally, a largely peaceful body positivity protest took place in central London today. Casualties at the "Save the Whales" event numbered in the thousands as protestors clashed with gravity.
Stay home. Flatten the country. Protect the NHS.
Finally, a largely peaceful body positivity protest took place in central London today. Casualties at the "Save the Whales" event numbered in the thousands as protestors clashed with gravity.
Stay home. Flatten the country. Protect the NHS.
P.S. If you enjoy these, please retweet the top tweet. 
