KRBK ACE THREAD ;
by @EurekaTPK & @shiggay
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cw: angst, slight miscommunication, (unintentional) acephobia, panic attacks, triggering flashbacks, trying to pinpoint sexuality

Kirishima’s gushing about manly guys when Kaminari makes an offhand comment about how he’s so attracted to them, how gay, which is met by confusion by the manly man himself. He’s not gay! And he’s definitely not attracted to those guys. Why is no one taking him seriously?

I mean honestly, is it so hard to believe he’s just being appreciative of what they have to offer? He doesn’t want to be with them, he just wants to be them. And he thinks that should be rather obvious and easy to understand. So why don’t his friends get it?

Kaminari can’t stop laughing about it, Mina’s eyebrows are about to shoot off her forehead–Sero has a small smirk on his face and he can’t even bear to look at his best bro Bakugo.

Kirishima knows his face is heating up, knows that not a single one of his friends will possibly hear him out now.

Which is stupid, he thinks, because when has he ever lied to them before? Especially about something like this. This is serious! It doesn’t feel like his friends are just teasing him anymore, it almost feels a little.. demeaning.

Which is dumb, he knows, because they obviosuly don’t mean it like that.

He knows his bros well, and he can tell the difference between malicious and genuinely good natured laughter. This is good natured, yet somehow it’s not.

He never was against people assuming he was gay, he was sure many did–he loved his LGBTQ bros and he would never dream of being anything but supportive. Yet he wasn’t actually attracted to guys, he just liked manly things.

So maybe it was his fault that they were getting the wrong idea. He did bring up guys a lot and things that were tough and gooshed over muscles and- hell, the word manly was a permanent part of his vocabulary.

And okay, he might be a little too touchy with some of his bros. But, hey, what can he say? He likes to cuddle and his bros are always there to provide.

Does that mean he’s gay? That doesn’t feel quite right, he’s never been attracted to a dude in that way. He hasn’t really ever been attracted to girls, either, but the real strong ones always catch his eye.

Kirishima can’t help but appreciate a strong, manly body! It takes a lot of work for someone to get that buff, and Kirishima’s determined to be the first one to appreciate that effort.

Because he knows what it’s like and how much effort it takes to bulk up so he’s just gotta appreciate it when he sees it! It’s confusing, and honestly a little frustrating, that he isn’t really sure what he is.

He’s never had to think about it much before because he’s never been questioned on it. But now he is, and by his closest friends too, so what’s he supposed to say?

He has no clue. But he tries, anyways, because that’s all he can do. The other option would be to get up and leave, and Kirishima hasn’t decided to be that unmanly yet.

So he says it–he’s not attracted to men–as confidently and as boldly as he can, waiting for his friends' reactions. He’s not lying, they have to understand that. They should be able to tell, Kirishima’s a horrible liar.

And for a moment, he thinks they do. Because they all look at him and there’s a beat of silence as if they’re processing what he’s actually said and for that moment, he’s hopeful.

Kaminari looks focused, Mina’s head is tilted to the side, Sero has paused mid-drink, and he can feel Bakugo looking directly at him. It’s good, he thinks. But then he hears a laugh.

It’s Mina. She’s confused, he can see a flash of disbelief on her face, but it’s gone before the thought of holding back her assumptions can solidify. Instead, she giggles. It’s awkward, like she’s not quite sure what the proper reactions should be.

She manages to recover and figure out what she wants to say next, and from the pitying glance Mina gives Kirishima he knows she’s bringing up middle school.

“But, Kiri, you and Tomo totally kissed! Like, twice! I saw it, I swear,” Mina explains, almost like she’s suddenly trying to convince herself rather than just bringing it up to Kirishima.

And that only makes Kirishima more confused. Because, yeah, he and Tomo kissed. But it wasn’t like that. It was just.. a bro kiss. Yeah, a bro kiss that wasn’t supposed to have any connection to attraction at all and that Kirishima saw as completely normal. Well, until now.

Mina only looks more concerned by his reaction, and her previous projected confidence is gone. She leans over to Kirishima, close enough that the rest of the group shouldn't be able to hear her, and asks him the same thing. Again.

“Kiri, you’re gay, right?”

“I..” Kirishima swallows, suddenly Mina feels a little too close. “I don’t think so. I don’t know? I mean, guys look nice, I guess. I don’t..”

He shakes his head, he doesn’t know. Gay doesn’t feel right, but straight doesn’t either. He’s not either of those, he’s almost one hundred percent positive. But, he’s something isn’t he? And now his friends are all waiting for an answer he can’t really give.

Mina tries again, no longer attempting to keep her voice quiet. “I’m sorry Kiri, it’s fine if you’re straight. We didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that, we just– I just assumed.”

The rest of the squad isn’t laughing anymore. They look uncomfortable, and Kirishima’s terrified that he did something wrong. Maybe he is gay!

He does prefer admiring dudes, and he’s not sure how he feels about Bakugo but it sure doesn’t seem very straight–yet he’s not attracted to him. That’s the weird part.

“No! No, I’m not straight, I’m–” Kirishima smiles nervously, shaking his head quickly on his shoulders. He wants to break the tension, make this sudden awkwardness go away. It’s his fault the mood got ruined, he has to fix it. “I’m anything but that.”

And it’s almost hard to ignore the very obvious sigh of relief that comes from his right, where his best bro is sitting next to him on the couch. And he didn’t lie, he’s not straight.

He’s just trying to avoid the topic of being gay and hopefully him denying being straight will satisfy his friends enough to maybe drop the topic altogether.

It hurts, though, at the thought that his best friend was relieved at the knowledge that he isn’t straight. Kirishima gets it, he wishes he could let it slide–with the amount of cuddles they’ve shared in the depth of night, Bakugo probably assumed he was gay too.

He is always trying to touch his best bro, he loves Bakugo’s affection and he couldn’t imagine not having his bro’s shoulder to lean on. Yet his stomach twists painfully, he feels like he’s lying, deceiving Bakugo.

Kaminari has other plans, leaning closer and fixing Kirishima with a massive, shit eating grin. If he senses the discomfort, he’s ignoring it in favor of some more teasing disguised poorly as further clarification.

“Dude, so, you’re bi? Swinging both ways?”

Kirishima’s throat feels tight, and he quickly shakes his head again. They aren’t getting it, they aren’t understanding what he’s trying to say. Hell, he himself isn’t even sure what he’s trying to say.

He just knows that it’s definitely not that.

“What? No. I’m not like you,” he says, and quickly covers his ass at the slightly offended expression that appears on Kaminari’s face. “No offense.”

“So, like,” Sero finally cuts in, spinning his can of soda around in his hand, “Then you could be pan, right? Maybe that’s it.”

“Pan?”

“You don’t have any gender preference, you like everyone.”

Kirishima pauses. He does like everyone! It feels like pansexual should be right, that it should fit him–he doesn’t think he would care who he dates, if he ever does date.

If he did, he feels like it would be based on someone’s personality–not their gender and definitely not their looks. That could be pan, right?

“Maybe?” He’s hesitant, he feels weird about it but that label feels closer.

Yeah, maybe. At least he’s getting somewhere.

“Okay, wait, let’s make this shit easier,” Bakugo speaks up for the first time since the conversation started, making a whole new set of nerves wash over him. “Do you like me?”

Oh god, what kind of question was that?

“What? I– That’s not even–”

“No, like, my face. Do you like my face or whatever?” Bakugo corrects, and when Kirishima lets out a thankful sigh and nods, he continues. “Alright. Now how about Pinky, what d’ya think of her face?”

“I mean, you’re both pretty. I’m not seeing what this is solving,” Kirishima answers honestly, falling back against the couch and covering his face in frustration.

Kaminari shrugs. “If you find girls and guys hot, that sounds pretty bi to me.”

“Or pan,” Sero adds, now attempting to toss his soda can in the air and keep it spinning.

Kirishima’s about to respond, agreeing that they’re probably right and he’s pan–but he stops. He never said that Mina or Bakugo were hot.

Yeah, they are undoubtedly extremely attractive and he’d never say they were anything but drop dead gorgeous, especially Bakugo, but he never had considered anything but his best bro’s hands to be hot.

“No,” Kirishima says flatly, hands dropping away from his face.

He thought they were making progress, getting somewhere closer to identifying what he really is, but apparently not.

They were just misunderstanding him again. Putting words in his mouth that he hadn’t even said.

He’s getting a little irritated.

“No?” Bakugo questions, turning to face the redhead more. “But you said–”

“I said you were pretty, not hot,” Kirishima interjects, snapping his eyes over to him. “Hot implies that I’m attracted to you and I’m.. not. You’re just attractive.”

And suddenly all of his friends look completely and utterly confused again. He really wishes they would stop looking at him like that. Kirishima feels like he messed up, that he’s messed up.

“Tsk,” Bakugo turns away. His words catch up to him, and Kirishima’s heart plummets.

“Wait wait, I didn’t mean it like that–I mean, I meant that, but I’m not trying to insult you, man.”

Bakugo’s hands are clenched, his eyes are scrunched closed and Kirishima can hear the quiet explosions fighting to escape his fists.

“Dude, no, hey. I seriously didn’t mean it like that,” Kirishima says, his voice heartachingly soft as he reaches a hand out and places it on top of Bakugo’s smoking one. “I just don’t know how to explain it, it’s complicated, man.”

Kirishima hates this, the way this entire thing is playing out. He hadn’t intended to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially not Bakugo’s, but apparently that’s all he’s doing. If he was just normal, not so weird, then maybe they wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.

“Hey, Kiri,” Sero clears his throat, drawing the redhead’s attention back to him. “Would you wanna date him, or anyone for that matter?”

“Yes.” Kirishima’s still holding Bakugo’s hand, rubbing small circles on it as he tries to coax his best bro out of whatever frustrated internal struggle he’s going through.

He’s not really paying much attention to anyone that’s not his grouchy best friend, and is relieved when Bakugo’s eyes snap open.

“You want to date me?”

The relief vanishes.

“Uh, I mean,” Kirishima laughs nervously, face heating up quickly as he realizes what he just said. This is definitely not going according to plan. “Well, yeah bro. It’d be cool to date you, ya know?”

He wants to sink into the couch cushions, hide away between them so he doesn’t have to face this blatant embarrassment. What started as sexuality accusations has turned into him slipping up and spilling something he wasn’t ready to do yet.

He really wishes he would’ve just walked out earlier instead of staying to talk.

“Ignore that, you two can talk it through later.” Sero eyes them both before focusing back in on Kirishima only, leaning forward in his seat. “You wanna date, cool, okay. Now do you want to kiss him?”

Kirishima glances at Bakugo, who seems to be debating if he wants to give Kirishima space or tear Sero to pieces. Thankfully, it seems like he’s chosen the first option–even if he’s still glaring at their friend.

It gives Kirishima a second to gaze at his best bro, and to document the fascinating information regarding his best bro most definitely having lips.

He’s stared at Bakugo before, examined how his red eyes are so manly and vibrant. Kirishima’s seen thousands of shades of red, his own hair changes it’s exact hue almost every day, yet no one can hold a candle to his best bro’s piercing gaze.

He loves how Bakugo’s eyebrows furrow together when he’s angry, or concerned, or genuinely unsure about something. How Bakugo’s nose scrunches up before he yells, how his smirks are powerful displays of Bakugo’s pride and confidence and always send Kirishima’s heart racing.

There’s something special about getting to watch Bakugo react to the world around him, something special about witnessing all of his best bro’s unique reactions.

Did he want to kiss him? Well, he’d thought about it. It’s kinda hard not to when you’re with someone all the time and cuddle nearly every night. But just because he had thought about it doesn't mean he’s interested in it.

He’s kissed before, and honestly he’s not really sure what all the craze is about. It’s kinda.. gross? He’s not sure that that’s the right word, but it’s something along those lines.

He wants to be honest, blunt and to the point that no, he doesn’t really want to kiss Bakugo. But he also doesn’t want to see that hurt and rejected look on his best bro’s face again. He’s torn, more so than he has been during this entire conversation.

The only thing that tips his decision is the fact that he knows he can’t lie. Kirishima is a terrible liar. So, he tells the truth.

“No,” he mumbles out, looking anywhere but Bakugo’s face as he finally answers Sero’s question. “Uh, no, not really. I don’t.”

Sero squints at him for a second, before shrugging. “And I suppose it would be pointless to ask if you’d ever want to do anything more-”

“No.” Kirishima cuts him off fast, there’s no hesitation, and even if there’s a rush of panic that rises through him–he knew he said the right thing.

He hates that it’s the right thing, he feels sick, he didn’t want his feelings for Bakugo to seem fake yet in that moment it felt like his own truth is a lie.

Kaminari and Mina are staring at him, and he refuses to look at Bakugo. He tries to focus on Sero, wishing that he had a quirk that allowed him to tell Sero to stop, to not push, because all he wants to do is run and hide.

For as long as it takes for everyone to forget this conversation ever happened.

He tries to settle himself for a moment, take a deep breath and convince himself that it’s alright, his friends totally aren’t staring at him like they’re trying to figure out the next move in chess.

But then he feels Bakugo’s hand tense a little under his, and Kaminari’s soft hum from the side, and Mina’s pink hair tilting into his field of vision, and suddenly it’s all too much.

He doesn’t realize he’s standing up until his feet are already moving, carrying him away from the couch and towards the elevators, completely ignoring Bakugo calling out after him to stop.

But he can’t, he can’t stop. He has to get out of there and get out of there now. It’s all too much too soon and he can’t even seem to breathe.

He really wishes he could just say he was gay.

Collapsing in his room, he curls into a ball and tries to tune the day out. Tries to ignore the looks of confusion from his friends every time his eyes close, fails to forget the hurt he saw in Bakugo’s eyes.

His chest feels hollow, like someone tore out a part of him and replaced it with the feeling of failure.

He hates feeling like this. The last time he felt this sort of gaping pain was in middle school, when his quirk wasn’t enough, when he wasn’t enough. It hurts, and it feels like a weight is pushing down on him and something is tugging him up all at once.

He tries to think of something to calm him back down. Shark documentaries, cherry flavored popsicles, swimming relays in the pool, the smell of his favorite curry, Bakugo’s hands in his hair-

No, that last one has him choking up again. Throwing any progress of calming down out the window as he once again tries to rid his mind of the haunting expression on his best friend’s face.

It hurts.

His feelings for Bakugo hurt. He can’t even tell if they’re real, if they were just his illusions of a really good friendship. Maybe he truly was imagining his crush, because how can it be a crush if he doesn’t want to kiss Bakugo?

Kirishima’s seen romance movies, and he can’t think of a single one that doesn’t end with some dramatic kiss–he clearly was lying to himself. Was he so desperate to be Bakugo’s friend he tricked himself into believing strictly platonic feelings were somehow more?

He tries to recall Tomo’s kiss, hopes that the memories can be a reassurance that he is gay, somehow; maybe the fact that he kissed a dude makes him gay simply by proximity to another man’s mouth.

But he doesn’t like remembering the kiss. He doesn’t like remembering it because it makes him feel.. nothing. And that’s almost worse. No, it is worse.

It’s worse because he knows that feeling nothing about a kiss, regardless of who it’s with, is wrong and weird and definitely not normal.

He really just wants to be normal. He’s spent the past few years trying to surpass the minimum, but honestly he’d just settle for the word “normal” right now.

He just wants the ache in his chest to go away. The little tinge of pain that keeps winding tighter and tighter like a puppeteer’s strings. He can’t recover from this, he thinks. It’s too much and he can’t bounce back from this. Maybe for once, he isn’t really strong enough.

There’s a knock on the door.

“I don’t want to talk right now, Bakugo,” Kirishima manages, relieved that he didn’t break down midway through the sentence.

His heart aches, he wants to talk to Bakugo so badly but he can’t bear the thought of the truth–the fact that he’s broken and Bakugo deserves better. How can he even selfishly pretend to want Bakugo’s affection when he doesn't even want to kiss?

“It’s not Bakugo.”

Kirishima shouldn’t be disappointed, but he still is. Simply because he’s not ready for something doesn't mean he doesn’t long for it.

He doesn’t want to open the door, doesn’t want to move, but he doesn’t have it in him not to. He’d feel worse if he just ignored him and kept him shut outside. So, he pushes himself off his bed and uses the back of his hand to rub his eyes as he crosses the room to open the door.

“Hey, dude,” Sero smiles, and Kirishima can’t help but notice the soiled hint to it. “Can we talk?”

Kirishima wants to say no. He doesn’t really want to talk. Well he does, but he’s not sure he can without bursting into tears and his bro really doesn’t need to see him like that.

But he knows he needs to, he needs someone to be with him right now.

So he nods.

“Yeah. Yeah, come on in, man.”

Sero pats him on the shoulder, stiffly, then peels by him to sit himself down on the bed. Kirishima takes a seat next to him, tapping at his hand idly as he avoids eye contact.

There’s a beat of silence, neither guy has decided to initiate conversation. Sero manages to take the plunge, opening his arms in a reassuring gesture.

“Need a hug?”

Kirishima really doesn’t want to cry, but the tears are already pouring out of his eyes. He nods, silently, to avoid making a complete unmanly mess of himself, and falls into Sero’s arms.

Sero’s always been the best at this, hugs that is. Kirishima’s hugs were known by everyone to always be some of the warmest things on earth, but Sero’s.. Well, Sero’s always felt the safest.

Kirishima has had the pleasure of having a few good Sero hugs throughout their friendship, and he’s so glad he can have this one right now.

For a few moments, Sero doesn’t say anything, simply wraps his arms around his friend and rubs circles between his shoulder blades as the sobs wrack through his body.

His shirt’s totally getting soaked, but he really doesn’t mind that much, he’ll just wash it. But as the minutes pass, and Kirishima’s shakes get less violent, Sero finally decides to speak up.

“I’m sorry.”