Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
—George Carlin

If it talks like a goose and walks like a goose, it’s a Nazi.
—Seth Meyers

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
—Oscar Ameringer

The thing that annoys me about Trump is that he took my show and brought it to the White House.
—Jerry Springer, 09/11/19

If women took up arms to defend their reproductive rights, the GOP would ban assault rifles yesterday.
—Steve Marmel

Unfortunately, we do not have a commander in chief, right now as much as we have a wannabe banana republic strong man.
—Retired Major General Paul Eaton

The world needs leaders of vision instead of leaders on television.
—Lech Walesa

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.
—H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920

An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person's main task in life—becoming a better person.
—Leo Tolstoy

Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
—Stephen Colbert on putting armed guards in schools

Q: How many NRA spokesman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: More guns.