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Amid all the horror of the year, a small frustration of mine: this is the year I've been most alive in my body, most excited to see what it can do, but the pandemic has cut me off from being able to follow my desires.
I went to a sex party on March 1st. On the one hand, I feel very lucky I got to enjoy that, experience both the beautiful and horrible things that happened to me that night; on the other, I know we were already spreading the virus then and we didn't know it. That scares me.
My body has changed in ways I barely understand yet. Different people help me learn new things about it. I love delighting in bodies with different people. It's a huge source of joy. I can't do it right now.
I'm experienced in having straightforward, consent-led conversations about sexual health and expectations before hooking up with someone. That's fine, good important. Now I have to have even bigger such conversations before even considering meeting up with someone to maybe kiss.
Yes, people are still hooking up in various ways. Yes, this increases pandemic risk. But yes, also, without a public conversation about how to reduce risk and harm, without leaders and papers being anything other than ludicrously coy about sex, the risk is so much greater.
Heteronormativity in rules and communication about lockdown and sex is a public health risk. The heterosexual family, bending the rules to be indoors together, is a much bigger spreader than two people taking good pandemic precautions to have sex in a car.
We're barely even talking about pandemic harm reduction in casual sex, but the principles are the same as for STIs. Can you have an honest chat with sexual partners about the risks and preventative measures you're taking? Can you set and maintain boundaries and expectations?
I've kept my life in far stricter lockdown than current Tier 3 measures for the whole of the pandemic: for myself, for the people I care for, and for my community of affinity, who tend to be much more at risk during the pandemic. And yes, I still want to have casual sex.
Can you both self-quar and trust each other before and after an encounter? Can you just not go to any high risk (but legal) places like pubs and cafes so that you can have a lower risk (but legal) hook-up? Are you prepared to cancel or rearrange if you or the world changes?
I'm still figuring out my own boundaries around sex, what risks I'm willing to take. My body is full of longing. I want to look after it, & everyone I care for. I'm frustrated by the pandemic, & I'm most frustrated by a politics that kills us while cutting us off from pleasure.
That was a good final tweet, but now I have to add a correction because I cannot type or proofread. "(but legal) hookup" should of course read "(but illegal) hookup".
Be safe and take care, lovers.
Be safe and take care, lovers.