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It’s time for my daily PTSD ramble!
Let’s talk about the tendency for trauma survivors to crave abuse/retraumatizing events
Let’s talk about the tendency for trauma survivors to crave abuse/retraumatizing events
It’s normal for people who have trauma to struggle with adjusting to normal life and relationships, our brains have become wired to chaos and survival. This can manifest as a desire for self destructive situations
Experiencing safety and comfort can be unsettling for trauma (specifically abuse) survivors, because we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We don’t know how to navigate healthy relationships as well
This sense of disconnect from healthy relationships results in a gravitation towards familiarity in the form of people who treat us poorly. This generally is how revictimization happens.
It is normal to feel this way, and it is possible to break this cycle. It takes work and effort to relax into a healthy dynamic. But it is infinitely rewarding.
Beyond craving unhealthy relationships, it is also common to crave other traumas such as injury, death of yourself or a loved one, natural disasters, being attacked/abused, etc.
It is my personal experience that this stems from a sense of devaluing one’s own traumas and regarding them as something unworthy of emotional response.
In other words, you see your trauma as something that you should be over already. You don’t feel that your emotions are valid and crave a new trauma to justify your feelings of grief/anxiety/anger/ect.
Fundamentally, you do not truly crave terrible things happening to you. You crave catharsis and the validation that your feelings are appropriate. You crave the comfort and attention and support that would follow such an event. These cravings do not make you a bad person.
So what do we do when we have these impulses? The first step is recognizing it when you gravitate towards self destructive relationships/events. Next, contemplate why you do that. Are you craving familiarity? In need of validation? Ask your loved ones for support.
You are not alone in these feelings. Deconstructing unhealthy impulses takes a lot of emotional energy. Let yourself rest. Be patient. I believe in you. You are doing so well. You are loved. You are strong. You are worthy of healing. You are capable of healing.