The Onion takes a closer look at the nation’s 50 worst states. https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun Fact: Alabama has chosen to opt out of all state rankings for a few years while it figures some stuff out. https://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Mississippi this election cycle:
Seceding from the union is pretty much always on the table. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Biggest race in Texas:
Henry Falmouth vs Georgette Banks (Conroe School Board): The two candidates are engaged in a brutal battle over which version of the Bible should be taught in public schools. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: Quantum Leap actor Dean Stockwell resides in Los Angeles, California http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: Sun Valley, Idaho is a popular resort region whose stark remoteness inspired Ernest Hemingway’s most famous self-inflicted shotgun wound. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Kansas this election cycle:
Abortion: Legislators are considering comprehensive reforms to ensure pregnant teens have easy access to churches in their area. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Maine this election cycle:
Deforestation: Roughly 50,000 acres of Maine woods are harvested annually to become Stephen King's newest manuscript. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Biggest race in Georgia:
Alabaster Downes IV vs. Nathan Holcomb (Suitors): Their competition for the heart of Miss Abigail Saunders has become the talk of all Savannah. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: There are no fun facts about Nebraska. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Missouri this election cycle
What To Do: Between work and waking up the next morning, most Missourians just kind of stand around. The weekends are even worse. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Biggest race in North Dakota:
Doug Burgum vs. Shelley Lenz (Governor): Who gives a shit? Click on another state. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: If Alaska was placed on top of the contiguous United States, it would stretch from Florida to California and crush countless millions of Americans to death. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Arizona this election cycle
Scorpions: They’re everywhere. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: You will grow old and die in Florida. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: Gary, Indiana is the only town in America to have been named after someone’s stepdad. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Iowa this election cycle
Piracy: Illegal pirated copies of corn sold on the black market cost the state an estimated $600 million annually. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: Sucks. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing New Mexico this election cycle
Illegal Immigration: The scourge of illegal aliens pouring across the Mexican border is more horrifying than any statistical evidence to the contrary. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: South Carolina was declared a UNESCO cultural heritage site in 1994 due to its diverse array of over 100 varieties of bigotry. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Most critical issue facing Tennessee this election cycle:
Rain A-Comin’: Paw’s trick knee done say so. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: With an active volcano and the contiguous United States’ only rainforest, Washington sounds way cooler than it actually is. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: Wisconsin is the country’s largest producer of indigestion. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn 

Fun fact: White privilege was created in Rhode Island during the first modern game of polo played near Newport in 1876. http://bit.ly/31Q8mkn