ok I would like to talk about something that happened at the start of my stream today. for those of you who were not there, I will tell what happened. I had been live for 2 minutes and was explaining to chat that I wasn't feeling particularly mentally well today and

I was looking forward to cheering myself up with some games with friends. I then looked over at my chat and saw someone insult me about my looks. Usually it wouldn't have bothered me because, hey we're meant to accept these kind of messages online, right?

however since I was having a bad day I told chat 'I'm just going to take a minute' I then set my obs to my 'brb' screen with no webcam or audio. The next thing I see in my chat is the same guy making sexist remarks insinuating I'm a slut.

the thing that really gets me is, the guy was a sub. I banned him and cried it out for a minute. when I came back to my screen I decided to talk to my chat about it as they obviously knew what had happened. and I just let it all out. here's what I said:

I'm so sick and tired of having to defend myself online. at least once a week I will receive some kind of insulting or sexist comment. I love my friends dearly and most of them always have my back. but sometimes some of them really have no idea what it's like to be a woman online

there's been times where someone has tweeted me something horrible and I retweet it saying 'hey, fuck this guy' and I get a message from a guy friend saying 'hey that was too far' or 'he didn't deserve that'.

If someone says something to me ONLINE. then I'm going to reply to them ONLINE. how does that put me in the wrong? If they didn't want to get called out then they shouldn't have said anything in the first place. simple.

there's been more occasions with me receiving dick pics so much that it got to the point where I had to start posting them and calling the people out just to get them to stop. I was told that 'people don't want to see that on their timeline'. I don't want to see it either??

do you not see that that's the problem? the fact that I have to draw everyone's attention to it just to get it to stop? because public embarrassment is the only thing that works on these men. not me saying privately 'please don't do this' or even blocking them. It still continues

Until they see that I've been calling others out, they don't want that embarrassment. so they stop.
for a long time I've felt very alone. alone with having to stick up for myself every week. and I know other women feel the same way

Teo made the point that in the 12 years of him being online, he hasn't received the same amount of hate that me or his other online female friends receive in a month. a lot of men don't understand or see that.

Feminism isn't just about the wage gap or sanitary product (none necessity) tax. it's about the constant day to day sexism and harassment and the fact that women have been conditioned to accept it rather than men being conditioned to change. It's just so fucking normal??

and if we stick up for ourselves then we're overly emotional. I saw a few people say that about me today when I cried on stream talking about it. In my chat and teo's. Its so easy to say 'don't let it get to you' or 'move on' when you have no idea what it's like.

I'm almost stopping myself from typing about it right now because I'm so scared of sounding like a victim. that people are just going to think waa waa here she goes again. But no. I need to stop thinking like that. Because this needs to be said.

men. do better. change.
if you have female friends, stick up for them at every possibly situation that you see. don't let them battle it alone.

for the rest of you that aren't assholes, thank you for being so lovely about this whole situation. I know it's not nice to see me rant like this, but I just need to say it. special thank you to @TeosGame and @FGamesNemesis for your support today. It means the world to me

Love you guys xx