Thread by @libelluleluci, a lot of friends drift. what if bakugou develops, branches out, gets [...]

a lot of friends drift. what if bakugou develops, branches out, gets really tight with todoroki and deku and...leaves behind kirishima who still feels stuck where he was. but now without the guy who was once his world

by the time it's third year, they're just classmates at best

kirishima thinks he's moved on. he's pretty sure he's moved on. he's a third year, he's eighteen, it's been so long! and he also scrolls through his old photo album of him and bakugou late at night, and cries.

but he hasn't done that for a year. he's fine.

bakugou doesn't hang with the squad anymore. at all. anyone can tell him and todoroki and deku are a trio, and they dominate the year without trying, people call them this year's big three. and it's not just that. bakugou can talk to everyone now.

he goes on shopping trips with yaoyorozu, he gives tokoyami regular spar training as someone whose quirk makes light, he made asui the biggest fluffy jumper with inbuilt heating perfect to combat hibernation.

bakugou's changed. still loud, still aggressive, but he smiles more. reaches out more. listens more.

and kirishima doesn't think /he's/ changed one bit since first year

it's not that bakugou avoids them. kirishima does catch bakugou talking to mina or denki or hanta sometimes, but individually, casually. bakugou doesn't really talk to kirishima. but kirishima's pretty sure that's mostly his own fault.

bakugou doesn't approach him much in general, but kirishima can't even hold a conversation. he's not sure why.

and he hates the way his brain has given him animosity towards midoriya. /midoriya/. it's like he can't help himself from being a little curt around the guy, a little ruder

like payback for all the times his heart sank last year when he saw midoriya and bakugou looking so happy hanging out together, and he probably feels some of that towards todoroki too. it's horrible. /kirishima's/ horrible.

"if ducks could wield hammers i'd be done for," denki says with wide eyes when they're in the changing rooms after training, and kirishima bursts out laughing. "what if they had opposable thumbs? how powerful would they be?"

"we had this exact same conversation about cats last week, denk."

"YEAH BUT DUCKS ARE LIKE SUPER STRONG. YOU THINK THEY'RE ALL CALM WHEN THEY'RE IN THE WATER BUT THEIR LEGS ARE ACTUALLY MOVING LIKE A MILE A MINUTE? HOW DO I COMPETE WITH THAT?!"

"...there is literally no reason for you to need to compete with ducks, bro..."

"yeah but that ain't the problem here. i just don't want my parents thinkin' i ain't got game," kirishima hears, and he seizes up a little as three people walk past him, already dressed. "i could have fucking game."

"then get a lover."

"I DON'T WANT ONE!"

"i'd dress up as a girl for you to show off to your parents, bakugou," todoroki says completely solemnly and bakugou elbows him into the lockers.

"i'm bi, idiot. and i don't want you-"

"i see how it is. i'll do it, kacchan," midoriya sighs, slamming a hand onto the lockers by katsuki's arm before squinting up at him, and bakugou stares.

"are you...trying to kabedon me?"

"mhm. am i sexy yet?"

there's silence for a moment, before they all burst into laughter, bakugou's cackles ringing through the room as midoriya curls into a ball on the floor and sobs, "I'M NEVER SAYING THE S WORD AGAIN" and todoroki crouches down to pat his back, still chuckling.

"they're funny," kirishima laughs lightly, and denki looks back, face scrunching up a little as he mutters, "i guess. anyway, let's go."

they do, denki bounding a little bit ahead when he catches sight of hanta and mina. kirishima follows suit but midoriya gets up right at that moment and head butts him

"KIRISHIMA! I'M SO SORRY!" midoriya panics, arms thrashing about as kirishima shakes his head, giving a fake smile.

"i hardened on instinct, i should be asking if /you're/ okay."

"i'm fine i'm fine! are you sure you're o-"

"izuku you have blood coming out of your head," todoroki says, and midoriya immediately brings his hand to his head as kirishima screeches, "WHAT?!"

"i'll take him to the infirmary, c'mon squirt," bakugou says as he takes hold of midoriya's arm, and he looks at kirishima who holds his breath. "you comin?"

"u-uh...with you?"

"with deku."

"oh, i- you guys've got it under control, haha, i'll just go. i'm so sorry, midoriya."

midoriya just smiles at him, a wordless 'it's fine' cause he's one of the loveliest guys ever. kirishima hates himself so much. /he/ could've been better friends with midoriya if he hadn't put this one-sided grudge between them. midoriya doesn't deserve anyone hating him, ever.

everyone stares when kirishima rushes forward and pulls midoriya into a hug.

"sorry," kirishima says again into deku's shoulder, and midoriya laughs, sounding a little hysterical but mostly happy as he squeezes kirishima.

" don't be sorry! this is so nice!"

kirishima's on a roll, as the instant he lets go of midoriya, he latches onto todoroki. todoroki's right hand sets on fire in surprise.

"it /is/ nice..." todoroki murmurs in awe as he rests a hand on kirishima's head.

it's probably pretty suspicious when kirishima pulls away and doesn't even look at bakugou. but he smiles at the others, reaching out to squeeze their hands, then he throws bakugou a glance but the guy's taken a great interest in the wall.

that's...kirishima's cue to leave

"what took you so long?" denki asks curiously when kirishima finds him and the others waiting outside. kirishima just shrugs, as they head on.

"oh, you're going back to school?" hanta asks when kirishima starts going in a different direction, and kirishima nods.

"gotta get some work done, go back without me!"

"mannnn, you should rest but alright. good luck!"

they wish each other goodbye before kirishima heads off. he thinks hard, then decides he should try and find a computer room, because he needs to type up at least /some/ of a literature essay he has due tomorrow

he walks through the halls, turning a corner and then he finds a computing lab, /nice/

he settles, dropping his bag beside the seat he chose before logging onto a computer and waiting for it to load. he daydreams a little as he looks out the window

he wonders what it would be like to fly. to be in the air, have one of those quirks that sends you up there - his is only limited to ground combat.

apparently, that was speak of the devil, as someone with a quirk exactly like that decides to open the door just when the computer finally logs kirishima in. and his jaw drops

"wha-"

his mouth snaps shut when bakugou raises a finger to his lips, before looking over and his eyes widen a little when he notices the person is kirishima. kirishima blinks, wondering if he should wave, smile? but bakugou keeps the finger to his lips and kirishima gets the memo

he watches curiously as bakugou hops up onto the desk in front of a computer and fiddles with the overhead wires. then he smirks, slipping something that looks like a...water balloon?....behind them

before rolling out extremely thin string attached to it, then he leans down to rest the end of the string carefully on the chair. then he jumps back to the ground

"that's where todoroki sits in his next lesson. when he sits down, he's gonna get the shock of his life," bakugou grins at kirishima, whose face burns a little. when was the last time bakugou ever smiled at him...

"i love this petty shit, i'm never blowing up something again if i can make someone slip on a banana peel or something. they only /fall/ so how is it so FUNNY."

bakugou was only just discovering the appeals of pranks? oh man, that's cute.

"pranks are my lifeblood, dude, i'm glad you're having fun with 'em."

"fuck yeah. finally get why you losers were so obsessed with them," bakugou says as he takes a seat on the table in the middle of the room so he's facing the guy but there's still so much space between them,

and kirishima's smile becomes strained. 'loser' used to sound so affectionate out of bakugou's mouth but now he doesn't know what it means.

"that's super cool."

"mhm"

kirishima flashes another smile that he hopes to god isn't awkward before turning back to his computer. his brains too muddled to really focus as he clicks randomly, too caught up in the fact that he's alone with a guy like bakugou, but he jolts when he hears, "how was your day?"

kirishima whirls around, eyes wide as he's about to ask if that question really came out of /bakugou's mouth/, but the words are caught in his throat when he sees the guy, his chin resting in his palm, eyes narrowed but maybe not narrowed...hooded? well, they're /warm/

he looks so relaxed, cool, and soft. kirishima's in awe.

he wants to be relaxed too. he wants to smile. but now he's just wondering if that's the kind of question bakugou asks now. if that's the kind of question he asks todoroki and midoriya

"it was okay," kirishima says tentatively, and bakugou nods. it really feels like all his attention is on kirishima and that hasn't happened in...years. "um, my ma sent me my favourite dessert so i ate that! uhhhh and me 'n denki 'n mina went to the pond at lunch. denki fell in."

"'course he did," bakugou snorts and kirishima giggles, arguing light-heartedly, "in his defence, he was really really sure that this one duck was out to get him!"

"geez, why?"

"denk said and i quote: 'HE KNOWS I ATE HIS MOTHER.'"

"...'cause we had duck for dinner last nigh-"

"'cause we had duck for dinner last night!" kirishima cries, and bakugou full-on bursts into cackles. "i tried to ask him - how do you know it was his mother and kaminari yelled, 'HE HAS THE EYES OF A MAN WHO HAS LOST HIS SOUL' and then he fell in trying to hug the duck.

then me n' ash almost fell in while we were laughing. horrible."

bakugou's eyes, so much softer than they used to be but still oh-so dynamic, are twinkling. "why in the heck were you lot going to the pond in winter."

"because we can do what we damn well want, dude!" kirishima explodes immediately in defence, slamming a fist against the desk and he's shy but so glad when bakugou grins, shaking his head in disbelief.

kirishima's /not/ about to tell him that they went because they were dumbasses who believed sero when he said he saw the lochness monster.

"you're a fucking riot."

"my hero name?" kirishima asks confusedly, and he doesn't know why bakugou snickers again but it doesn't matter. bakugou's laughing with him. or...at him but whatever - he's laughing /because/ of kirishima. he really is

"anythin' else?"

"um, not really. i worked out this morning!"

"you always work out."

"nuh-uh and i went to the gym for real, i mean! and it was really good, and then i had class, then the pond thing, then training, now i'm here."

"why are you here?"

"trying to type up an essay but /someone/ disturbed me," kirishima teases, and bakugou smirks.

"you haven't even got up word yet."

kirishima looked at his computer, before turning back to bakugou to yell, "i just got here!"

"it's been twenty minutes since the bell rang, better get a move on."

"twenty-?! why didn't you tell me earlier? this is all your fault katsuki oh my god-"

kirishima freezes. well, it more feels like the world freezes.

bakugou is staring at him with eyes alight, surprised, but his brow is pinched in worry. "kirishima?"

shit.

kirishima can't do this.

"sorry," kirishima quickly says as he gets up, grabbing his bag, not even bothering to log out. "i meant to say bakugou and, uh, gotta go, h-heard someone calling for me."

bakugou blinks as he sits up straight. "kirishima, wait-"

"NO!" kirishima accidentally yells, and he pauses from where he's reaching out for the door handle. he looks back in fear, but bakugou's staring down at the table, head hanging like he'd just been slapped

"i'm so sorry," kirishima whispers, so there's no way bakugou could hear him, then he runs

now he knows why he can't keep up a conversation with bakugou. because his brain knows it'll become too familiar, too friendly, and doing that with someone who used to be his most best friend in the entire world would be too painful for him

oh god. kirishima misses him so much that it's hard to breathe. scratch that - it feels like he's been holding his breath for two years, and he's finally realised how badly it's clawing at his chest

is it beyond repair, by now? is that why it still has to hurt?

/'why did you leave me?'/

- we're back in business - https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

they don't talk about what happened

obviously.

they meet eyes in the common room at dinner, but they quickly look away, and that's it. kirishima wonders if bakugou wants to say sorry but he can't tell - and bakugou doesn't need to say sorry anyway. it was just kirishima's own patheticness

he just wishes so hard that bakugou feels at least /something/

he's so deluded.

"kirishima, you okay?" a voice asks that makes kirishima choke on his water, and then a strong hand is quickly smacking his back to help. "oh no!"

"haha no i'm f-fine," kirishima laughs as he coughs a little, throat clearing before he warily smiles up at midoriya, and todoroki is still leaning over him just in case, hand warm on his back. "why?"

"oh not much reason! you were just staring into space so i-"

"oi, nerds, come on!" a voice yells and kirishima bites his lip, preparing himself to say goodbye. but midoriya straightens up, glares at bakugou who's waiting at the bottom of the stairs, and says, "we're talking to kirishima."

there's moment of heavy silence for a second, as kirishima's eyes widen

that was...so cool. midoriya would rather make sure kirishima was okay than go with bakugou?

oh fucking hell, he was /such/ a good person.

"i can get you more water if you'd like," todoroki says as he takes a seat next to kirishima who smiles, shaking his head and midoriya perches on the sofa armrest, gasping, "but your glass knocked over! let me get a cloth."

"it's okay," todoroki says as he holds a hand out and warms up the ground so the water evaporates. midoriya 'oooooooh's as he claps, and kirishima's amazed too. he also doesn't really know what's happening

hold on. did...bakugou tell them about what happened?

but midoriya and todoroki don't mention it as they mindlessly chatter, and kirishima finds himself easing into the conversation. kirishima laughs loudly at something todoroki says, and todoroki stares at him in wonder for so long that midoriya has to whisper something in his ear.

"sorry if this guy's being weird. truth be told he said he wants to hang out with you more because he can't get over the fact that you hugged him yesterday," midoriya laughs, and todoroki slowly brings up his arms to hide his burning face when kirishima looks at him in surprise.

"aw my sweet dude i'd hug you anytime!"

"it's more than the hugs," todoroki says quickly, before bowing shyly. "you're also very- very nice. i like your smile."

kirishima stills for a moment, before he slowly turns to stare at midoriya and midoriya blinks in confusion before kirishima's implication dawns on him, and his jaw drops. "WAIT NO HE DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU! THIS IS JUST WHAT HE'S LIKE!"

"ohhh...hey." kirishima pats todoroki's head, and smiles at the guy as he straightens up. it's painful, though. cause kirishima isn't nice. he's jealous, bogged down by things he should've let go years ago. "thank you for thinking that, man. you can come talk whenever you want."

"does that offer extend?" midoriya asks, chirpily hopeful and kirishima swallows, but still manages to weakly nod.

"s-sure."

"i can also bring bak-"

"well, we should be off!" midoriya interrupts, and kirishima misses the warning look midoriya sends todoroki. "we'll see you around."

"goodbye."

"bye!"

kirishima waves, still a little windswept, before letting out a heavy breath as hanta and mina and denki crowd him from where they were watching things unfold. "you okay, bro? they didn't do anything funny, right?"

"apparently, they wanna be closer to me as friends," kirishima laughs, his chest feeling punctured. "how am i meant to do that. bakugou's glued to them - i /can't/ do that but they're so lovely..."

"this feels like a trap," hanta frowns, but kirishima throws his arms in the direction that midoriya and todoroki had left.

"didn't you see how adorable todoroki was?! i don't think they were lying but i'm more worried about bakugou thinking i'm stealing his friends..."

"well, it's deserved," mina says casually, and denki and hanta nod. kirishima looks at them with wide eyes, yelping, "hey you shouldn't say-"

"whether he did it on purpose or not, he left you without trying to stay. left us. you can /be angry at him/, ei."

"being angry doesn't do anything...and i don't wanna talk about this. it's been too long, what's the point?"

"the point is that you're not /over/ it by now, man," denki says sadly, jumping onto the couch so he can hug kirishima. "you keep seeming okay then you don't and we just want you to /be/ okay."

"just a few more months," kirishima breathes, closing his eyes. "a few more months then i'll be outta here a-and i won't have to see him every day anymore. i'll be able to heal /completely/ then."

the others flop on him to hug him as tight as they can, and kirishima can feel all of their hurt as clear as day. they all miss bakugou - they all miss teasing him, laughing with him, messing around with him, /being/ with him

they lost a pivotal part of their squad two years ago - and that shit sticks

what hurts the most is that they miss bakugou so much while he's usually /right in front of their eyes/. they even talk to him. they're not completely isolated

and bakugou seems fine.

-

kirishima's going to his room after school when he hears people. he hides around the corner.

"you can apologise, kacchan. i know you can, cause you've apologised to /me/."

"are you going to let history repeat?" todoroki's low voice sounds.

a door slams. midoriya sighs.

-

"what do you think about this equation?" tetsutetsu asks kirishima at study hall, and kirishima looks over. then he nods.

"looks very nice. 10/10. i love the way you write your 'f's."

tetsutetsu gives him the worst look. "not the way it /looks/ dude, i meant what does it MEAN?!"

"OH. no clue"

tetsu groans, shinsou pats his back without even looking up from his work, and kirishima accidentally flicks his pencil across the room

studying sucks.

until midoriya and todoroki sweep over and sit opposite the three, even with bakugou yelling at them in the background, and midoriya asks with sparkling eyes, "can we sit here?"

kirishima's about to say sure, until tetsutetsu holds up his book. "/only/ if you can tell me what this equation means."

"ah- that's the equation for frequency! l stands for length, T stands for tension 'n that funky greek letter stands for mass per unit length. that's the density of a string, i'm pretty sure."

tetsutetsu gasps as he looks back at his book. "oh my god. /oh my god/. holy shit man you can sit here forever."

"i could've told you that," shinsou deadpans, and tetsu yelps, "you wouldn't pay attention to me!"

"sorry about them. they're just, you know, best friends but tentatively," kirishima laughs, and midoriya grins back, while todoroki looks very at peace. though they all jolt when a hand slams down onto their desk. then bakugou calmly sits down.

"did you have to do that?" midoriya asks, unimpressed, and bakugou just puts his whole hand on midoriya's face to push it away, making midoriya yell as he falls back into todoroki's arms. "OI!"

"get your books out, morons, we're here to study. you're the ones interrupting these lot," bakugou says, gesturing to kirishima and tetsutetsu and shinsou

and midoriya narrows his eyes at him the whole time he gets his books out of his bag, slamming each one onto the table with fervour, and bakugou stares back. "you wanna fight?"

this is a normal occurrence.

bakugou and kirishima catch eyes, and kirishima's already smiling at the encounter and it's hard to stop smiling now, so he grins bigger at bakugou. bakugou lowers his eyes, smiling the tiniest bit at his open book

and it feels so cliché that kirishima would be tucking his hair behind his ear if it wasn't gelled up

he kicks tetsutetsu under the table to stop the guy from staring frantically between them like he's watching a tennis match.

"i heard it was goin' to rain- ouch," todoroki winces when bakugou thwacks his head.

"this ain't the time for small-talk!"

"oh...but...i just heard that it would be raining pretty steadily for a week...that is interesting, no?"

"oh man a /week/? how are we gonna train?"

"they'll still make us. a villain can appear in any weather, y'know."

"that's manly i guess."

"do you say 'manly' instead of 'fair'?" bakugou asks incredulously, and kirishima nods, clarifying, "being fair is manly!"

"damn, you've got even worse."

kirishima processes. and processes. and he almost develops an angry tick from the words. but instead he just smiles sweetly, and says, "yeah, that's not something you're allowed to say"

bakugou whips his head up in surprise, eyes wide, as midoriya and todoroki clutch each other in worry and tetsu whispers 'ohhhhhh shiiiiiiit'. even shinsou looks up.

"i didn't /mean/ anythin' by it," bakugou argues, eyebrows furrowed and kirishima raises his own.

"you sure did, dude. if we were friends then it would've been fine, but?"

bakugou's jaw sets. "the fuck d'you mean?"

"you can't tell me i've got 'worse'," kirishima hisses, "if you should've been around to see it happening but you weren't. and what's worse even supposed to mean? am i supposed to take that light-heartedly from someone i don't know?"

"/you know me/," bakugou growls, and kirishima scoffs, crossing his arms

"i fucking wish. i /knew/ you, bakugou."

"g-guys, hold on," midoriya says nervously, but he shouts when bakugou's left hand casts off an explosion, then he's getting up, reaching over to grab kirishima by the collar

"do you want a fucking fight? is that it?!"

"well maybe that'll be better than not acknowledging things for two years," kirishima seethes, suddenly so tempted to spit in bakugou's face. until he notices the hand grabbing his shirt is shaking. and it's hard to tell if bakugou's face is scrunched up out of anger or sadness

"why now? why are you only getting this worked up now?"

"'cause i don't care anymore. this' /always/ hurt too much to ignore, but so soon i won't have to see you like ever again, so i don't care what i say!

and don't let midoriya and todoroki try to befriend me just 'cause you're too much of a coward to talk to me, man!"

midoriya gasps as todoroki says sadly, "that wasn't why-"

"I KNOW, I'M JUST MAD RIGHT NOW!" kirishima yells, squeezing his eyes shut. "AND I KNOW YOU GUYS AT LEAST...you're at least trying to get bakugou to do /something/. but he won't. and i don't fucking care."

bakugou lets go of kirishima and flips the table

and while everyone's freaking out about their books and pens being spilled and a commotion starts up in the room, bakugou grabs kirishima's hand, and runs out dragging kirishima with him.

will update again cause kirishima's day is almost endin n i cannot quite leave things this way before i sleep (top) https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

"what are you doing?!" kirishima yells breathlessly, and bakugou's hold on him just tightens. fuck, and now kirishima wants to cry just because bakugou is holding his damn hand.

that used to be their /thing/, grabbing each other's hands whenever they could, for any reason, or no reason at all. because kamino was reason enough

he realises bakugou's taking him outside when they pass too many classrooms to count

are they really gonna fight?

he keeps yelling bakugou's name, trying to pull back, but bakugou's too adamant, too strong, and maybe...maybe kirishima does want to see where this is going. because this is still more than he's got in years

but the instant they get outside they pause, because wet. rain crashes down on them like it's trying to attack them, and kirishima yelps as he quickly pulls up the hood of his jumper, but bakugou's just in his blazer

todoroki said, didn't he...

bakugou growls, but he intertwines his fingers with kirishima's now, clamping down tighter before he runs again. kirishima's about to ask him if he's crazy but his breath stutters from the hands, the fucking //hands// and soon, they get to a clearing

they just stand there for a moment, breathing heavily. then kirishima tears his hands out of bakugou's hold, livid as he bites out, "what the HECK, man?!"

bakugou opens his mouth to talk, already bringing up his hands but kirishima immediately slaps them back down. "we're not gonna fight, you idiot!"

"hah? what else would we do?!" bakugou yells, though his anger seems misplaced, he's more genuinely confused and kirishima grimaces at him

"i just know that there's no point of duking this out. it's not that kind of problem. and god, i know you don't like words but /that's/ the kind of fight i was picking, bakugou. we need to talk."

pause. then bakugou says, "i don't want to."

/'don't get mad don't get mad don't get mad-'/ "why not?"

"'cause i'll probably fuck things up even more."

right. fine. kirishima would take that. "then...can you just let me talk?"

bakugou looks at him warily. "there's more than all the stuff you said back there?"

kirishima nods. "so much more, dude. that was the angry part - but i'm not even that angry about this whole thing."

"you're so..." bakugou doesn't finish the sentence. he just closes his eyes before murmuring, "go ahead."

"you used to hate the rain...you sure you wanna stay out here?"

"it's fine."

"okay. okay, geez, i don't even know where to start, i- i should've done this earlier."

"that's not your fault. it's been...complicated" bakugou mutters, and kirishima nods desolately.

"very. i guess i'll s-start with..."

kirishima trails off when it dawns on him, and he groans. he doesn't want to start with /that/. he doesn't want to start off with the forefront of bakugou's incredible development but his development is honestly the whole reason they...

right. he needs to do this.

"ever since you apologised to midoriya," kirishima sniffs, wiping his wet face, "which I was so happy about, by the way, /so happy/.

but since then, since you started bonding with todoroki, since you started branching out because you got better, you got so much /better/, i was...you left me behind."

bakugou's silent. just standing there, letting the rain soak him to the ground, and kirishima still has his urge to protect. he wants to get under shelter, keep bakugou safe from the storm, but it matches their feelings so well that he doesn't think to move

"i think...i was your first friend," kirishima says, voice cracking. "i thought i was your best friend. i thought I made you happy. you made /me/ so happy. but i get it, i-i was just a...stepping stone.

i helped you socially, and once you became better and even more awesome, you didn't need me anymore. and i honestly get it. you were never the type to belong with me, anyway."

bakugou finally moves. it's a flinch, a hard flinch, as if he's been electrocuted. kirishima clenches his fists.

"but I loved you a lot," he whispers, taking steps forward

"i always hoped you loved me too. and every time i think about what we used to be, about how we drifted, it hurts, it hurts too much and i thought by now it would just become hollow pain and maybe it has but it's still /strong/. because our bond was, too."

kirishima looks down at his fists, and slowly unclenches them. "i thought we'd be together forever. that after UA, we'd- we'd get an apartment together, we'd be hero partners, we'd just- just have /forever/"

he closes his eyes, swallowing as he braces himself for whatever would happen to him now. and god, it would be so bad for bakugou to leave him again even after he'd said all that, but it's the only thing that can happen

except, a hand presses against one of his, and another flicks his hood down so rivulets of raindrops drench his hair in seconds.

kirishima looks up with a sharp breath, and is met with bakugou's piercing gaze, eyebrows furrowed and hair dark and dripping with water that runs down his bold features that just look weary now. the definition of bittersweet

and kirishima spirals.

"but that doesn't mean you did anything wrong!" he yells, grabbing bakugou's hand tighter as bakugou's other hand traces the raindrops falling down kirishima's neck. "or well, maybe you did...just, it happens to people all the time, friends just sometimes drift!

it's normal as people grow and different things happen and then there are like- like different, uh, outcomes! and friendship is just crazy hard and strange, dude! i probably could've tried harder too, and it didn't mean that-"

kirishima freezes when the hand on his neck slides over his mouth, clamping down. his eyes grow wide, and he stares at bakugou in question as the guy finally meets his eyes

"I'm bad at this," bakugou says, voice quivering. "you weren't my first friend. 'n you're not the first friend i've lost, either. that was deku. so i put so much time and effort into being his friend again cause i'd managed to get him back, i felt guilty, and i /wanted/ to.

i didn't know how to make space for both of you. i...i hoped you'd teach me how, but you let us drift."

kirishima frantically tries to argue under bakugou's hand, but bakugou silences him with an understanding nod

"i know. it's not your fault that /i'm/ fucking incompetent." bakugou clenches his fist, lowering the hand over kirishima's mouth to rest on his shoulder.

"but I've regretted every day since i managed to let you, the nuisance who never seemed to leave me be, go. you weren't a fucking- /stepping stone/, what the fuck, eijirou!"

"oh," kirishima breathes, eyes welling up more. "m-my name..."

"should've never started callin' you kirishima again," bakugou mutters. "just thought you'd want that."

"i didn't. no, it-it broke my heart a little," kirishima laughs, and bakugou watches him.

"you still laugh through pain."

kirishima abruptly stops, his laughs dying in an instant. but then he forces out a chuckle

"i haven't changed much, man. not like you have. i've just been stuck in the same place, and i don't really feel eighteen."

"god, shut up. look at you, all your muscles, 'n don't you have that new move where you can turn into fucking /diamond/?"

"i haven't perfected it yet," kirishima says, swelling in pride as his smile slowly becomes genuine. and katsuki points right at it

"right there. that smile is new. it says 'i know what i'm capable of and i'm proud of it', cause you've upped your confidence tenfold by now, that's so /new/. and it looks so, so fucking good on you"

"i- wha- really?!" kirishima yelps, squishing his own face and bakugou nods firmly.

"you're still disgustingly pretty, you know. and i'm...mad that i hadn't been around to see you grow."

"oh, no, dude-"

"eijirou," bakugou murmurs, saying the name with so much care, and kirishima's heart flutters.

"yeah?"

"i'm sorry"

those words break the dam. no, they're not enough, not yet, but they're still words that kirishima's been waiting for for so long, and he bursts into tears

bakugou's face creases watching him, kirishima hears him say a hoarse "fuck, please don't" as he brings his hands up to tremble under kirishima's eyes

kirishima shouldn't let him, but his hands are so warm. still familiar, even with new bumps, new callouses...kirishima wants to learn all about them, all over again, and he cries harder as bakugou holds his face like he's holding porcelain

"i miss you," kirishima sobs, and bakugou says a raspy, "ditto", and maybe those are tears falling from the guy's eyes but kirishima can't tell in this rain. he doesn't care

he just reaches out, and holds onto bakugou for the first time in a long time. and it feels like he's finally starting to let out that breath he's been holding. it's oh so painful, it's trying to deny the fact that it's finally being set free. but he's breathing again.

- songs that you wonderful people have told me this thread reminds you of:

https://open.spotify.com/track/1qDrWA6lyx8cLECdZE7TV7

https://open.spotify.com/track/7szuecWAPwGoV1e5vGu8tl

https://open.spotify.com/track/6WnYONkaYOchkMXUz0Eu0W

https://open.spotify.com/track/3S73WiRmw3nowr7ZC6Bmkp https://open.spotify.com/track/5naar7XewEOAjOywIp6Jjq

Remember When - Wallows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huCSle_6Nyg

back for the last round (top) https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

https://twitter.com/libelluleluci/status/1317094113687314432?s=20

"i'm so fucking sorry," bakugou grits, knocking his head onto kirishima's shoulder. "i didn't know how to keep you - i didn't know you were hurting this much, i just- fuck- i thought you might not want me anymore too, i-"

"i'm /always/ gonna want you!" kirishima cries, bringing up an arm over his face. "and that's the worst part 'cause i-in what world am i supposed to let you back in? in what world am i supposed to forgive you when you've torn me apart for so fucking long, what world-?!"

kirishima lets out a strangled sob before he drops to the ground, crouching as he covers his face fully with his arms, and bakugou's warmth leaves him

"in what world am i supposed to still love you?" kirishima laughs, so bitterly. "and why do i?"

he senses bakugou slowly crouching down in front of him, but he doesn't remove his arms, and bakugou doesn't try to touch him

"kirishima," bakugou says, and kirishima seizes up. why kirishima again? "i never thought i was good enough for you."

"...what-"

"when i started getting...'better' like you said, it started breaking me. 'cause, i started seeing how shitty i was. wondered how the fuck you put up with me. it hurt so bad, and this, this whole thing with becoming friends with deku and todoroki, it-"

bakugou sighs, shaking his head. "it also seemed a good way to get you away from me. not that i actively tried to do that 'cause fuck i loved you too much to let you go but it just...happened along the way. 'n i thought, it's for the best."

"that doesn't add up. why wouldn't you think you're not good enough for midoriya and todoroki?" kirishima asks warily, though that, that was the rawest thing he's ever heard bakugou say. bakugou admitting that he's terrible, admitting he's not good enough...it felt so satisfying.

"'m still making it up to deku, todoroki was just part of the deal. but come on kirishima, you're fucking amazing. the best person i've ever met. i don't think anyone's good enough for you let alone a defect who's planning to repent for a bunch of stuff for the rest of his life-"

"you're just selfish," kirishima says in disbelief, scoffing out a laugh as he drops his arms. "i /wanted you/. you were my best friend, my- my /world/, and what, you left me 'cause it hurt too much to be with someone so 'good'?"

bakugou looks so defeated, and for a split-second, kirishima hates it. bakugou's made to win. he always wins. he's not supposed to look beaten...

but it also feels so good

"yeah, but, i was worried. that i'd hurt you real bad one day. and that preventing that by staying away would be better than-" bakugou cuts himself off with a loud groan, clutching his head.

"i don't wanna keep giving these fucking excuses! it makes sense to no-one but me anyway and i just - i'm just /sorry/-"

kirishima reaches out, and takes hold of bakugou's hands

bakugou blinks, looking up to stare a him in amazement, and kirishima says softly, "every time these hands blew up at me, i never left. every time you snapped at me, said hurtful things because you didn't know any better,

i stayed. so how could i have been hurt by even more than any of that if you got /better/? i don't think you would've hurt me. and if you did, now you know how to say sorry. leaving me is the worst way you could've ever hurt me, bakugou, and you did it."

"i never wanted to," bakugou says hoarsely. "please- at least believe that"

"it's hard," kirishima says, voice ridiculously tender for what he's saying, "to trust strangers."

bakugou sobs

and stranger or not, kirishima still pulls him in close and hugs his shaking body tightly. god's sake, kirishima doesn't know why he's being he bigger person right now. wasn't this supposed to be an apology? isn't he the one hurting the most?

but his heart's still breaking seeing someone cry. seeing bakugou cry. it doesn't feel good anymore.

"if...if you spend the rest of your life making up for it or whatever you said, would you come back?"

bakugou stills, before he whips his head up, eyes wide. "you still want me?"

"said i always will"

"i'll try so so fucking hard. i'll keep you," bakugou promises, hands digging into kirishima's. kirishima just clocks how cute that last sentence really sounds

"i don't know how we'll do this but-"

"nights."

"what?"

"sleepovers. spend the night with me at least, i don't know, four times a week," bakugou says firmly, and kirishima's so surprised as he slowly nods. "i'll spar with you again. go to the gym with you. and lunch

i'll take some lunches to eat with you, and your squad who i- should also apologise to, fuck."

"this is so good, dude."

bakugou nods, resting his forehead on their intertwined hands, exhaling deeply. "i'll stay. i'll /stay/. we don't have much time before school's out, i gotta do so much to make sure you know i'll-"

"i'm trusting you, katsuki," kirishima says, biting down on his growing smile. "i am. you'll stay this time."

he says it like he really means 'you'll stay or i'll bloody rip you to pieces' and bakugou chuckles raspily, wiping his face with an elbow but it doesn't help, they're both soaked through and coated in tears

nonetheless, kirishima watches bakugou, warming up a little from seeing him laugh

then bakugou gets up, gently pulling kirishima up with him, and keeps one of his hands in kirishima's as he jerks his head in the direction of the alliance

"let's get out of this hell."

"you /do/ still hate the rain!" kirishima cheers as they sprint towards the dorms hand-in-hand, and bakugou grins over his shoulder at him, squeezing kirishima's hand as they run.

-

it's been a giddy few days.

kirishima feels like an infatuated kid when he leaves his dorm in the morning to find bakugou waiting for him, or when bakugou grins when they catch eyes across a room - his heart beats fast, the dumbest smile spills over his face and he keeps asking himself if this is /real/

"you're treating him like he's some sort of celebrity," mina snorts at lunch.

"well i mean, he's in the big three..."

"but he's just bakugou! and he still kinda sucks if you don't remember-"

"hey," a voice says as a figure sits down by kirishima with his bento, and denki screams, "OH MY GOD WHY IS BAKUGOU HERE" as he throws his banana at hanta who yells too and launches it at mina who screeches while lobbying it across the field

who's treating who like the celebrity now?

"you spending lunch with us?" kirishima asks brightly as bakugou's arm slips around his waist, and bakugou nods. "couldn't find you for ages though. didn't know you ate outside"

"well obviously you wouldn't, you don't know a thing about us, mister," mina snuffs. bakugou shrugs

"i know. but i'm gonna. gonna learn everything, again. 'cause i want you lot back in my life 'cause i miss everythin' that we used to be and when it happens 'cause i'm gonna try /so hard/ to make it happen, i'm not letting go again."

"ooh, did you rehearse that?" kirishima teases and bakugou sticks his tongue out at him before they both look back at the others. only to jolt because they all have tears in their eyes

"BAKUGOU, YOU BIG WAD, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" denki wails as he scrambles forward and falls on bakugou who catches him in utter confusion, before yelping when mina goes over to hug him from behind and hanta throws an arm around his shoulders

"YOU IDIOT, YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKIN UP FOR THIS EVEN WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR GRAVE, D'YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE'VE MISSED YOU? /DO YOU KNOW/?!

"well...i know /now/," bakugou mumbles, looking wide-eyed at kirishima who smiles a little sadly, and gestures for him to do something

but bakugou just reaches an arm out to him, and kirishima could've cried as he takes the hand and lets himself be pulled into a mess of bodies cuddling the life out of each other.

and that same night, bakugou turns up at kirishima's door at nine pm with blankets and a pillow, already yawning. kirishima's heart officially bursts

"should've come earlier. will next time," bakugou mumbles once kirishima lets him in, flopping onto the bed immediately and closing his eyes. "just got carried away with homework"

"only you could do that," kirishima laughs as he lies down next to bakugou. there's considerable space between them by instinct but it's still small, and kirishima props himself up on one arm to smile down at

bakugou who already looks asleep, fist curled in front of his face and soft breaths leaving his nose. it's way too early for kirishima to sleep - /way/ too early - but he doesn't mind this.

then bakugou slowly unravels the fist, and kirishima blinks, wondering what that means. tentatively, he rests his own hand against it; and bakugou makes an appreciative hum

he opens his eyes a little, just staring at kirishima who tries way too hard to keep the eye contact and his face gets redder by the second before he eventually breaks and has to cover his face. "stooooop."

"i'm just looking."

"i know but - it feels like one of the first times you've really looked at me in years," kirishima mutters, about to curl into a ball until bakugou pulls his arm away and fixes him with a /fierce/ stare

kirishima blinks at him, expecting him to say something, but when five minutes pass with no words uttered he groans and pushes bakugou's face away. "STOP IT!"

"but i gotta make up for all the times i could've been looking at y-"

"DO THAT WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING!"

"ok. sure. i'll become a stalker for you," bakugou says without a second's hesitation, and kirishima's about to scream. but bakugou closes his eyes then and buries his head into kirishima's pillow a little, and it's so soft that maybe kirishima will keep his tantrum for later

"so how was your day..."

"i can tell you that tomorrow, man," kirishima laughs, and bakugou frowns but kirishima presses gently on the lines that form on his forehead. "none of that, you're just sleepy so sleep"

"that's not what i /came/ here for," bakugou growls, bordering on a whine, and kirishima snickers as he grabs bakugou's blanket and throws it over both of them, because it seems big enough. then he shuffles a bit closer, so his head can rest on the same pillow as bakugou's

bakugou opens his eyes a little at the commotion, though they widen when he sees how close kirishima is

"have you told todoroki and midoriya that we're sorta good now?"

"yeah. deku cried and hugged me for hours. todoroki's super happy 'cause he thinks he 'can be friends with you with no obstacles' now"

"i don't know how the hell he took a liking to me," kirishima giggles, and bakugou watches him poignantly, murmuring, "i do. 'cause who doesn't"

kirishima smiles, shy. "i guess i'm pretty cool."

"fucking hell, that doesn't cut it, but i love that you can admit at least that"

"i love it too," kirishima agrees even as his ears flash pink. "'n i bet you're happy that you can get a piece of this again."

bakugou bursts into cackles, choking out, "fucking /wow/," as he leans closer, their foreheads brush, and bakugou absently brings kirishima's hand to his face while they're distracted. kirishima's mouth drops open

"wai-"

"before i sleep, i'll just say," bakugou mutters against kirishima's hand, squeezing his eyes shut, "i'm always gonna be scared of hurting you again. just- just remember that. i might find some things hard. i might find it /hard/ to stay but that doesn't mean i won't"

kirishima smiles understandingly, booping bakugou's nose. "gotcha, sleepyhead. and i mean, i'm still hurting, so sometimes you'll gotta excuse me too. we'll work through this together, my dude."

"you're too fucking sweet."

"i've already got all my anger 'n sadness into the open. only have sweetness left to spread"

"nah. you're always sweet. always good. i'll become worthy of you."

"you sound like some knight, katsuki"

"fuck...i want you to say my name a million times..."

"wha- katsuki!"

"nice," bakugou nods dreamily, and kirishima deduces that the guy's probably just falling asleep so his filter's leaving him, but he's still amazed. "eijirou"

oh. ok. kirishima understands bakugou now

it's probably the dumbest thing for them to whisper each other's given names at each other until they fall asleep but in the moment it feels silly and perfect and their laughs mingle when they mix them up at some point and soon, bakugou's snoring, and kirishima feels sleepy too

they'll slowly come back to each other with every word, every name, every night, and kirishima's airways will open up again. he knows it 'cause it's already happening

until then - he looks over at bakugou sleeping, soft and safe with kirishima, and smiles softly.

- the end oh my god

thank you for all the lov on this thread it has been overwhelming n im huggin all of you who relate or hav cried (i am also huggin you people who resent the fact that this has a happy endin cause i kinda do too but kirishima deserves it :')

THANK YOU <3

beautiful art made for this thread to make you cry https://twitter.com/cevuru/status/1317834806848225282

https://twitter.com/cevuru/status/1317834806848225282

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