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Since it’s #WorldMentalHealthDay... Late this summer things were at a breaking point, and I started Ketamine Infusion Therapy for treatment resistant depression and C-PTSD - its been doing wonders for me.
Got questions about it? I’m here to help share my experience.
Got questions about it? I’m here to help share my experience.
I’ll start off by saying that in no uncertain terms, it saved my life. I’ll try to keep this thread and my replies to questions as untriggering as possible, but in the case that discussion of mental health struggles is a sensitive subject for you, please mute this thread now.
The jist of my treatment was having to do 6 infusions in under 2 weeks. Each time I’d go to the clinic, check my phone in at the desk, and talk with my doctor about how I was doing, and then be hooked up to an IV in a comfy reclining chair with pillows and blankets.
Before the first appointment, I talked with their doctor and filled out paperwork that allowed them to talk to my therapist to confirm my diagnosis and all that. It took about one day from when I called the clinic to my first appointment, which was... needed.
Once I was hooked up, they gave anti-nausea meds via the IV (though they offered anti-anxiety ones too but cautioned that if I didn’t need it, it was best not to take it), gave me headphones attached to an iPod with some instrumental music, a sleep mask, and started the infusion.
The dosage was adjusted to my body weight. The clinician left the room, but I was hooked up to vital monitors and had a camera on me where they could watch me the whole time, but they check on you once after a few minutes to see how it’s going and adjust your dose if needed.
The reason for this is that yes, you will likely trip the fuck out and the fewer things that can interfere with you in that state, the better. Everyone responds differently. For me it felt like total ego death, vivid hallucinations, and the feeling like I had no body.
My infusions lasted about 55 minutes, and afterward I was extremely dizzy, exhausted, and had a hard time keeping my eyes open for several hours afterward. Some people can work a little after. No one is allowed to drive until after they’ve slept/the next day.
My clinic has a success rate of about 80%. After about 4 treatments I felt like it was working, but it almost felt too good to be true. Like a bottomless pit that I’d been dancing on the edge of my whole life started getting filled in with cement. Seemed too good to be true.
I mentioned this to the nurses, who were all patients themselves, and they laughed - they’d felt the same way at the point I was at. Some people feel relief after one, some people start feeling it after all 6, and the minority 20% don’t ever feel it.
Ketamine treatment differs from SSRIs in a lot of ways. Here’s an explainer, but the jist is that it helps your brain regrow the physical structures that are weakened or damaged from depression/ptsd/things that mess with your wiring https://www.psycom.net/ketamine-depression
You’re not totally “cured” afterward, and still have to use tools like cbt or other coping mechanisms, it just makes it a million times easier to do so. For me, I completely stopped having what I call the “night dreads” where I had nightly panic attacks that kept me awake.
It’s not permanent. Commonly you need to go back for maintenance infusions (1-2) when you start to feel the void returning, often about 2-3 months later. I’ve been sliding downward again and the Night Dreads returned this week, so I scheduled my first booster. It’s been 3 months
This is easy to keep track of with my doctor, who gives me a daily text asking me to rank my mood and tracks it over time. He also sends monthly depression inventory questionnaires too. But you definitely can feel it, and it’s made me really appreciate how much it does for me.
It’s expensive, and most insurances are hesitant to cover it if they do at all. However there are a myriad of companies that offer payment plans for medical stuff that’ll cover it (woo America is wild). For me, it was cheaper than hospitalization (which wouldn’t have helped me).
Now that all the general details and logistical parts are out of the way (sorry if I’m forgetting anything please ask questions if you got em), here’s stuff in my personal experience that differs from what I googled before getting my first infusion -
I tripped out WAY harder than what I read led me to believe I would. I saw “mild dissociation” over and over while googling. Nah man. I felt my body melt into the fucking cosmos, sometimes if I felt like I had a body at all that my mouth was in a different zip code from my feet.
The shape the hallucinations took was inextricably linked to any thought I was having, and I don’t know which partner was taking the lead in the dance. Lots of Windows Media Player-esque visuals. Visions of wet black obsidian with symbols I didn’t recognize carved into it.
I felt like my mind was being folded in on itself like origami and dissolved into a room of breathing white muslin as it chewed on processing the loss of my father.
Basically everything was like Mars Volta lyrics, haha. But it was never scary for me. It’s scary for some folks.
Basically everything was like Mars Volta lyrics, haha. But it was never scary for me. It’s scary for some folks.
After a few treatments I had energy again, for the first time in years. I was able to just DO things rather than freak out about how much there was to do, how bad I’d be at doing them, or how pointless it felt to try because I felt like I didn’t deserve them or would fail anyway.
I found myself able to reach out to the people I love and my support network again, which is a big thing I struggle to do when my mental health tanks, and something anyone who has struggled KNOWS is crucial to pulling yourself out of hell by your teeth.
Also there’s some interesting side effects with boosting your neuroplasticity - I found my Japanese language studies improving, my memory retention (always been shit, thanks adhd) actually retaining things, and reconnecting to parts of my life and myself that I thought I’d lost.
I haven’t experienced any lingering negative side effects so far, apart from my arms looking like two giant bruises for a week after taking 6 IVs in such a short period of time.
But yeah that’s all I can think of. Ask any questions you might have if you’re considering it!
But yeah that’s all I can think of. Ask any questions you might have if you’re considering it!
Also: I know being open about severe mental health issues and medicating them can lead to judgement or derision but let me save any Pearl clutches some time: I seriously don’t care. this thread isn’t for you, it’s for anyone who is where I was in July.
another thing - I was really scared to try the treatment since I’d been following the research for a few years since SSRIs consistently failed me. It had always been the “maybe there’s hope I won’t have to feel this way”. The thought of disproving my last hope was... hard.
they didn’t allow phones in the clinic (thank god) but they let me have my switch which helped a lot with my anxiety about it. I’d play animal crossing til the K made it too hard to keep my eyes open. My regular nurse was into AC too and we’d excitedly chatter about our islands.
It should be obvious, and likely is to anyone who has struggled with mental health and treatment of it, but this is just me sharing my firsthand experience of a new treatment - not a recommendation to everyone or anyone. Don’t @ me or tell me to just try meditation or yoga.
For further context, I’ve tried Paxil, celexa, and Zoloft multiple times over a span of 15 years and either had no response or a v bad response. I’ve been in therapy for decades. I’m currently on diazepam (as needed, ~3 times a month) and adderall (daily), which both work for me.
Also in case your brain went there - recreational/street ketamine will not do all the things that ketamine infusion therapy administered by a physician will. On top of running the all the risks inherent with street drugs, the dose and administration are VERY different.
Since the question of “how do I ask my doc about this” has been asked a few times now - I didn’t ask my doctor. I reached out to a ketamine treatment clinic first and signed a bunch of paperwork to allow *them* to talk to my doctor for me. That was their standard protocol anyway.
The process was basically:
- Schedule a consolation with the ketamine clinic
- do the consultation (same day, I was in A Bad Way)
- sign paperwork to let them talk to my docs
- first appointment (included physical exam, talking with a psych, reviewing history etc & treatment)
- Schedule a consolation with the ketamine clinic
- do the consultation (same day, I was in A Bad Way)
- sign paperwork to let them talk to my docs
- first appointment (included physical exam, talking with a psych, reviewing history etc & treatment)
