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ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS LET'S INJECT SOME DARKNESS INTO OUR VEINS AND WATCH 31 SCARY MOVIES FOR NO GODDAMN REASON #31DaysOfHorror
COULD I SPEND THIS 45-50 HOURS MORE PRODUCTIVELY? YES! WILL I REGRET IT? ONLY SLIGHTLY! TIME IS A CONSTRUCT AND EXISTENCE IS MEANINGLESS! MIGHT AS WELL GET SPOOKY! #31DaysOfHorror
Kicking things off with Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, which is... not great! Donald Pleasence is visibly exhausted in every frame, the cannon fodder teens are meh and Michael's mask makes him look like a giant baby. But Danielle Harris is compelling! #31DaysOfHorror
12-HOUR SHIFT is twitchy, blood and morphine-soaked fun, with the always welcome Angela Bettis elbow-deep in Arkansas organ meat, written/directed by the absurdly talented Brea Grant! I am biased, but support indie horror anyway! #31DaysOfHorror
LA LLORONA: a Guatemalan slow-burn gothic ghost story inspired by real events, where the real horror is people. It's gorgeous, unsettling and best watched not knowing much about it. Thanks for the rec @carolynklarecki! #31DaysOfHorror
DEMONS 2: you're not here for story, character or acting. You're here for great practical gore FX, like the demon baby puppet (who claws his way out of a demon kid!) that legit made me laugh every time he showed up. 10/10 just for him. #31DaysOfHorror
THE LODGE was like sitting in a walk-in freezer quietly for an hour and a half, but in a good way? Like, that freezer is creepy and has good sound design, but also Riley Keough is staring at you from behind the lettuce. #31DaysOfHorror
For a movie about the Marquis de Sade's possessed noggin box, THE SKULL had very little sadism, but had plenty of Brit class, courtesy of Cushing AND Lee, plus fever-dream visuals and a near-wordless finale. #31DaysOfHorror
The best part of SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II are the musical numbers and there are more than a few! Plus, Crystal Bernard is in it, for all you WINGS-heads. (Sorry if this pic is too scary for people.) #31DaysOfHorror
TERRIFIED makes the strong choice as a horror movie to just make every single thing in the movie scary in some way. Drains, cracks in the wall, hearing aids: all scary! There's a scary glass of milk! A scary chair! (Also, this guy.) #31DaysOfHorror
FROM BEYOND is somehow both very horny and creeped about sex. Pretty much all the monsters are dicks with teeth and there's lots of ooze. I learned a lot. #TheMoreYouKnow #31DaysOfHorror
CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD answers the question: "If you're smooching, but your gal's intestines come out of her mouth, what do you do?" The answer, of course, is "Nothing. You get your brains ripped out of your skull." Sorry dude. #31DaysOfHorror
SEASON OF THE WITCH isn't scary at all, but it's a thoughtful 70s feminist-ish take on middle-aged suburban ennui. The closest it gets to horror is bridge parties and a dorky sociology professor who calls sex "balling." Ewww. #31DaysOfHorror
WE ARE WHAT WE ARE is the most exquisite movie about cannibals I've ever seen. But don't watch while you're eating for all the obvious reasons. #31DaysOfHorror
APRIL FOOL'S DAY's VHS box had fascinated me since I was a kid: could you strangle someone with your hair? Or would it break? Is the knife a Plan B? The movie answered none of these questions. #disappointed #31DaysOfHorror
Turns out TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 is actually a documentary about America and how the unhinged and depraved make money by turning us into meat for each other. #31DaysOfHorror
POSSESSOR (UNCUT) is a beautiful, brutal mindfuck, but to be clear, I am using the term "mindfuck" VERY literally. Condolences to the many parents who brought kids to the drive-in last nite and had a lot of explaining to do on the way home. #31DaysOfHorror
FRIDAY THE 13TH, PT 6 opens with a James Bond parody and Horshack getting his heart ripped out. There are three deeply corny Alice Cooper songs. These guys are in it. It is, dare I say, zany? #31DaysOfHorror
THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN is unsettling "true crime" pulp, well-shot, great period design, with a legit creepy villain. Also, someone gets killed with a trombone knife. This movie contains multitudes. #31DaysOfHorror
COLD HELL: the Austrian serial killer/Thai boxing/feminist rage movie I'd been waiting for. Violetta Schuralow can break your nose and/or heart just by staring at you. #31DaysOfHorror
The poster for CAT O' NINE TAILS is a lie: no cat with any number of tails shows up. The movie starts out solid, but loses the thread in the middle and is only scary like twice? But dreamboat Karl Malden still gets nine meows from THIS viewer! #meow #HotKarl #31DaysOfHorror
Every time I thought I had THE MORTUARY COLLECTION figured out, it got weirder, gorier, funnier, etc. It pulls off being both a spooky/funny haunted house movie and a full-on splatterfest. And the very scary @barakhardley and @leitepreto are great in it! #31daysofhorror
CAT PEOPLE isn't scary, but it's consistently unnerving, even in the normal scenes. Everything is just a bit off, like in a real nightmare. You don't know why you're scared, but you know that something bad is in the shadows. (It's a cat. And it hates you.) #31daysofhorror
GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR: body horror, but the body is a house with a shitty guy living in it. The moral: old pipes and clogged drains are gross, but misogyny is grosser. #31DaysOfHorror
Having now seen HAUSU, I am dividing my life into Before HAUSU and After HAUSU. It's Douglas Sirk + TikTok. HAUSU is perfect. There is only HAUSU. We are all HAUSU. #31daysofhorror
ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK: just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not also in a Satanic cult. #31daysofhorror
MANIAC COP is... kind of great? Lustig and Cohen serve 80s NYC grime and gore like true creeps, Tom Atkins shows up all rumpled and pissed off to drink and get to the bottom of things, and for once, Bruce Campbell's jawline is not the biggest one around. #31DaysOfHorror
MY BLOODY VALENTINE is truly awful, but this dead-eyed ghoul shoving his rotting hands into democracy's chest cavity is worse. (And to be clear, this was a very bad movie.) Just melt into goo already, Mitch. #31DaysOfHorror
KNIFE+HEART: gorgeous giallo slasher set in the gay porn scene in 1979 Paris. Deeply weird, completely absorbing. (ALSO GO DODGERS - i watched the movie in the daytime which felt weird, but I'm okay with it b/c it was great!) #31daysofhorror
TERROR TRAIN was half right: there is a train in it! #31DaysOfHorror
HELLRAISER: INFERNO took the formula of sadism+philosophizing+ripped apart faces and added stuff like 'guy getting karate kicked by long-haired cowboys' and 'the secretary from WEST WING with no eyes.' And it works! #31DaysOfHorror
PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS rules! Fool belongs in the pantheon of GOAT horror protagonists, you got Big Ed and Nadine from TWIN PEAKS as perfect creeps & the satirical elements are still way too relevant. Psyched for the @JordanPeele-produced remake. #31DaysOfHorror
SOUTHBOUND was scary as hell AND had pals like @ThatSusanBurke, @mattpeters and @DrDavey on board? It's a goddamn Halloween miracle to finish out the month. #31daysofhorror
