I’ve been thinking a lot about singleness lately (big surprise lol), and I want to lay it bare a lil bit, if you’ll allow.

Being single, esp a single woman in the church can be so heavy at times that I think I might break, esp these past months

We’re told from such a young age that God’s path and grace leads toward marriage and family, and everything we do is built on that: small groups, Sunday school, etc etc.

When I was growing up no one ever said that any other path for life was Blessed. It was all colored as somehow lesser, somehow something to be endured not enjoyed.

We’re told that it’s better to marry than burn with passion or w/e, but what happens if no one wants to marry you?

What does one do as a woman in a church where your value rests in being a wife and mother if no one wants to marry you and you have no children? If people only pity your lot, offer platitudes or “advice”

I love my church family, but at my lowest I wanted to tend my garments and howl with anguish whenever another well intentioned person told me they pitied me, that one day someone would see my value and elevate me to the role of wife, mother

What do you do when God withholds the one thing you want most in the world, this thing you’ve been told is what gives you value??? You become bitter and wretched. At least I did.

I was so fixed on the idea that being loved by a man would give me value that I missed the truth that I have infinite worth because my Lord and savior deemed me worthy of a priceless ransom. I was blinded by pain and insecurities, with no one to help me

Full disclosure. I’m a 25 y/o woman and I’ve never been asked out, not once. Not to a school dance, not coffee, nothing. And the people i held dearest found this unfathomable, pitiable because we’ve bought the lie that we gain value bc of our relationship to other people.

I only started to find freedom and peace when I realized that I, myself have an intrinsic value and worth that no one can ever take from or add to. It took 21 years for me to hear that message. 21 years in the church.

Even now I wrestle with God about why, when, how, but that’s okay! God invites our darkness and struggles; so why doesn’t the church.

If I ever talk about the struggle of singleness, I’m shushed with those tósame dumb platitudes; of course you’ll find someone! Don’t worry! As if that is at the heart of my pain. As if romantic love is a guarantee or reward for spiritual maturity.

If you want to serve the singles in your life? Acknowledge their pain. Don’t promise things God never does. But most importantly, but the church. Make sure we don’t feel forgotten or abandoned, as if we somehow don’t count bc we don’t have a family to care for us.

When possible, let us into your homes! Not just to babysit, but to just BE. Don’t divide your church by life stage or whatever, let us be together. We just want to be part of the body, use our gifts, have a family!!

And don’t act like we’re just waiting for marriage. I live my life, I cannot wait on a hypothetical man to live for Christ; I will not wait, please don’t ask me to.
The Lord has placed the lonely in families: your church family, how are you making that true?

Also please check up on your single missionaries, they probably would love an encouraging word from home, it’s hard

Anyway, tl;dr let’s be the body of Christ please. (Also not a great look to tell someone you pity them for something that’s not a problem )