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If you’re a survivor of sexual violence & you’re approached by a magazine; think carefully about how your experience will be reported.
Will it empower you? Will your voice be rewritten? Why? Will it be overly dramatised?
You DO have a choice. Raising awareness is one thing.
/1
Will it empower you? Will your voice be rewritten? Why? Will it be overly dramatised?
You DO have a choice. Raising awareness is one thing.
/1
But often survivors can be used in ways we don’t expect.
Exploitation happens. Headlines often aren’t written by the reporter; they can be seriously distressing.
How will you feel if you come across a thread discussing you because of an article?
It can hurt. An awful lot.
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Exploitation happens. Headlines often aren’t written by the reporter; they can be seriously distressing.
How will you feel if you come across a thread discussing you because of an article?
It can hurt. An awful lot.
/2
If you decide to release your identity, you need to be prepared that other people will earn money from your story.
You won’t.
It will be expected that you’ll restate the crimes against you in different ways, so it can be branded as ‘original copy’.
That’s pretty traumatic.
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You won’t.
It will be expected that you’ll restate the crimes against you in different ways, so it can be branded as ‘original copy’.
That’s pretty traumatic.
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I’m writing this because it’s stuff no one tells you about.
Trauma deserves dignity & respect.
Reliving life threatening crime isn’t easy & journalists don’t see the impact after an interview or after a story goes live.
Sometimes, I’ll admit; I’ve felt pretty dirty later.
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Trauma deserves dignity & respect.
Reliving life threatening crime isn’t easy & journalists don’t see the impact after an interview or after a story goes live.
Sometimes, I’ll admit; I’ve felt pretty dirty later.
/4
Be aware that you may be used as a source to empower other survivors.
Your feelings about that are your own.
Just for me, it’s usually about working through a bunch of emotions that often are confused & even conflicting.
But keep in the front of your mind- you can say no.
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Your feelings about that are your own.
Just for me, it’s usually about working through a bunch of emotions that often are confused & even conflicting.
But keep in the front of your mind- you can say no.
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If you’re anything like me, saying no is really hard to do.
Part of the impact of serious sexual violence is that saying no never mattered. Consent applies to other people.
For most people, if they don’t want to do something, it’s a simple process.
No thanks. Done. Simple.
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Part of the impact of serious sexual violence is that saying no never mattered. Consent applies to other people.
For most people, if they don’t want to do something, it’s a simple process.
No thanks. Done. Simple.
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But, especially when I’m dealing with any authority figures (including journalists), there is a clear imbalance of power that triggers the same mechanisms of survival I needed when fighting off Aitchison.
That’s okay. It should be understood more.
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That’s okay. It should be understood more.
/7
You aren’t a commodity. You are a person who is allowed to draw boundaries & limits without having to justify them.
You don’t owe the survivor movement anything. You can decide the perimeters of what sharing your story means.
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You don’t owe the survivor movement anything. You can decide the perimeters of what sharing your story means.
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There are perceptions that if you’ve survived rape, you are obligated to help other survivors without thought for your own wellbeing.
You need to somehow be eternally understanding, empathetic & patient.
You need to be a noble heroic figure.
The truth is it’s impossible.
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You need to somehow be eternally understanding, empathetic & patient.
You need to be a noble heroic figure.
The truth is it’s impossible.
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I’m just an ordinary person who was unlucky.
I just muddled through, same as anyone else would do.
But I fucked up terribly, just like everyone else does.
I fucked up a career that was so close I could taste it.
I laugh at black humour.
I get mad with Phil.
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I just muddled through, same as anyone else would do.
But I fucked up terribly, just like everyone else does.
I fucked up a career that was so close I could taste it.
I laugh at black humour.
I get mad with Phil.
/10
The fact is that people will hate you, for a variety of reasons.
Some will be other survivors & it will hurt.
If you’re not ‘heroic’ you become a ‘villain’; and it’s unlikely you can defend yourself.
I don’t share abusive emails, DM’s & messages sent to Phil.
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Some will be other survivors & it will hurt.
If you’re not ‘heroic’ you become a ‘villain’; and it’s unlikely you can defend yourself.
I don’t share abusive emails, DM’s & messages sent to Phil.
/11
We don’t respond to abuse.
I admire women who confront it head on, but I will never, ever see myself as powerful with things like this.
The thing is, you have to just run your own race.
Feeling proud is something everyone feels wobbly about.
It’s okay to feel like a mess.
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I admire women who confront it head on, but I will never, ever see myself as powerful with things like this.
The thing is, you have to just run your own race.
Feeling proud is something everyone feels wobbly about.
It’s okay to feel like a mess.
/12
But articles don’t talk about all that stuff.
Stories about life threatening crime focus on one aspect of our lives; but 95% is far more mundane.
So remember that part when you’re deciding about speaking publicly.
No is a complete sentence.
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Stories about life threatening crime focus on one aspect of our lives; but 95% is far more mundane.
So remember that part when you’re deciding about speaking publicly.
No is a complete sentence.
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If you are treated badly or dishonestly, especially if you’re not being paid for your time, you can walk away.
Listen to your instincts.
Respect applies to you just as much as anyone.
I hope this is helpful; be careful out there.
Take care of you.
/end
Listen to your instincts.
Respect applies to you just as much as anyone.
I hope this is helpful; be careful out there.
Take care of you.
/end
