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1/ Yesterday, @Brock_Banks_ shared Grindr messages from some poz chasers which made him feel gross. Brock, an emotionally intelligent person, recognizes that those gross feelings are related to the bullshit and the stigma related to living with HIV.
2/ If you want to know about HIV stigma, you can ask literally any HIV positive person about the bullshit they have had to put up from HIV negative folk.
3/ Folk weighed in with what I would call a version of “Don’t yuck the yum.” Credit goes to @Tim_DrakeXXX for introducing me to the phrase, but I’ve seen the idea in various kink spaces for years.
4/ I have my kinks; you have yours. We don’t have to share them. But don’t ridicule or mock my kink because it’s not yours. Don’t yuck my yum. It’s an ask to show compassion for someone else’s kink.
5/ 
Then we get to race play, which is probably close to scat in terms of social acceptability.
6/ Caveat for the next two sentences: I am not a person of color.
I am willing to bet that race play makes most POC feel gross. I’d also bet that POC would recognize that those gross feelings are related to the bullshit and stigma related to living with Racism.
I am willing to bet that race play makes most POC feel gross. I’d also bet that POC would recognize that those gross feelings are related to the bullshit and stigma related to living with Racism.
7/ If you want to know about Racism, you can ask literally any POC about the bullshit they have to put up with from white folk.
7.1/ (Or better yet educate yourself, because POC do not exist to do the emotional labor of teaching you about their oppression which you benefit from. Ask me how!)
8/ Kinks and fetishes all have an aspect of transgression to them. You aren’t supposed to do that. Our Puritanical forefathers would be appalled, and that’s part of what makes it hot.
9/ Poz play and race play are, theoretically, hot because we are transgressing on HIV stimga and Racism. But HIV stigma and Racism cause harm to people. HIV stigma causes trauma to HIV positive folk. Racism causes trauma to people of color.
10/ Fetishizing the source of someone else’s trauma can be a reinforcement of that trauma.
That is not to say that trauma can’t be fetishized.
That is not to say that trauma can’t be fetishized.
11/ As someone who survived childhood physical abuse, impact play, has been a mostly constructive way to play with my trauma. Re-exerting control, choosing to experience the pain without a harmful intent, was personally a beneficial way of defusing my own trauma.
12/ If someone who is HIV positive wants to engage in poz play, if a person of color wants to engage in race play, I believe that it can be done in a constructive way, that takes the hurt out of the trauma.
13/ If you have a kink that is associated with an entire communities trauma, be respectful, and don’t unpack your kink on the first community member you see.
14/ Fetishes and kink are transgressive. A few fetishes, poz play, race play, are associated with trauma. “Don’t yuck the yum,” asks that we have compassion for kinksters. Basic human deceny asks that we have compassion for people who have suffered trauma.
15/ If you are a fetishist who can’t muster up the human decency to have compassion for the people you are fetishizing, then you aren’t a kinkster; you’re just an asshole.
