My children have just asked me for a sardine sandwich for lunch, and they have absolutely no idea what they’re in for- so standby for this very very short thread where I document the making and not eating of the aforementioned sandwich.

Let’s start with these diced preserved lemons, because of course I’m going to add lemons to them. Stir in mayo because something has to hold it all together.

“That smells good!” says 3.

She’s a pathological liar.

This is going to need some tang. So I make some quick pickled onions, toss it in with the chopped sardines, add some capers, and fresh grind some black pepper.

I have the undivided attention of both kids. They ask to eat some coriander seeds and like it so I know they’re hungry.

Add some chopped parsley and mix well together, but don’t break up the sardines too much.

Tada! We’re done here. Serve it with toasty crunchy bread.

Points for presentation. But what will the judges say?!!!

The judges have awarded me high marks for presentation and plating.

I have just tasted it and it’s really really good.

I await the judges’ decision.

3 refuses to even touch it. “You have to try it at least once” does not work. She leaves the dining area.

5 is going to eat it.

5 takes a bite. Her face...spasms.

She has been conditioned to never spit out food, and it shows as she rushes to chew it all up and swallow it. The crumb on this bread is really really chewy.

She grabs her water and chugs to wash it all down.

“No. No more.”

/end thread.