What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. O'Toole appoints the Average White Band to all fill 127 CPC shadow cabinet positions.
2. Pierre Poilievre retains role as Finance critic after misunderstanding what a wealth gap and poverty levels are. That's it. That's the funny part.

3. Doug says COVID levels are really only a problem in places where people live.
4. Lecce inspects 27 school parking lots and confirms there's no sign of COVID in any of them.
5. Ford indicates he's considering appealing court's decision to quash pretty much all his policies.

6. Kenney government plans to cut support for those with disabilities and instead spend $112M a year on Alberta police. Says homelessness will increase, so there must be police at the ready.
7. Adriana LaGrange enters the Witness Protection Program after school starts in Alberta.

8. Doug says COVID is still around so people have to stop partying and attending weddings. Ends presser with a shoutout to Stan Cho for hosting such a great wedding event three weeks ago.
9. With cases spiking again, Elliott says Ontario will hold back on planning Ford Fest 2020.

10. O'Toole says Canada is the best country in the world and when he's PM he'll fix that right away.
11. Court rules against private healthcare in BC, stating that the supporting research from tHe fRaSEr inStiTutE was presented in a crayon colour that was impossible to read.

12. Kenney government defends decision to spend $112M to create Alberta police force, saying RCMP is not providing enough round-the-clock protection to tax-paying Albertan statues.
13. Rempel appointed Health critic and gets a pretty pink handgun case all in the same week.

14. O'Toole says as PM he'll ensure Canada always come first and is outraged the CRTC is trying to promote Canadian Content.
15. WE Charity folds Canadian operations after not receiving any funds from government. Alberta O&G folds Canadian operations after receiving many funds.

16. Word on the street is Liberals' throne speech will focus on supporting innovation in green tech and universal basic income initiative. Conservatives outraged by the focus on people and the future.
17. O'Toole says he's for the working man and Trudeau doing CERB was all wrong.

18. Woodward publishes tapes of Trump admitting that COVID is no hoax, very bad, and transmitted through air. Trump says tape recorders invented by Antifa.
19. Trump says he'll ban Antifa from living in suburbs. Says they burn down their own houses and have Biden garden gnomes.

20. AP style guide changes rules on interchangeability of 'less' and 'fewer' and now has millions of lesser users.
21. CPC's Whip says semi-virtual Parliament is like governing via Tinder. Says Michael Cooper is upset everyone is swiping left every time he appears on Zoom.

22. Asked why private schools, like his alma mater St Mike's High School, are equipped with health and safety systems far outpacing public schools', Ontario's Ed Minister Lecce says wealthy children have the right to keep their Personal Shopping Assistants safe at school too.

23. Erin O'Toole proves he's a man of the people; watches Raptors game on a 27-inch monitor while sitting on the other side of the room in his freshly-pressed suit and shouting, "You must take the ball back, Canadian team!"
24. Stornoway gets $170K update: Top Gun design motif.

25. No matter how you look at it, or who you decide to hold to account for the back-to-school planning debacles - frontline public education staff are totally given'r.

Thanks, Teachers, Admin, Facilities and Health peeps.

We see you.