I have used the phrase, little by little, with trauma victims for many years. It is little by little you learn deep breathing so that you actually taste for short bits what it is like not to have anxiety and a racing heart.

It is little by little you learn that you are now safe in the dark so you can sleep. Little by little you learn that aerobic exercise can in fact keep you from cutting yourself and drinking enough alcohol to put you on the floor.

It is little by little that safety, respect and predictability begin to bring a sense of value, a bit of mutual trust, and the honoring of voice. Little by little the ancient ruins in your life are rebuilt and instead of shame there will be tastes of joy.

‘Little by little’ is absolutely necessary for dealing with being overwhelmed–otherwise help becomes overwhelming. It is also necessary for learning new skills that are unnatural and at times a bit frightening. A new way of life, that is safe and good, IS possible.