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How I got stranded in Elk Island.
A thread.
A thread.
A friend offered to take me canoeing this evening but his vehicle broke down right at the Bison Loop where there happened to be about a hundred bison hanging out.
And where I also happened to step in a pile of bison waste which - side note - was super glamorous.
The tow truck company said we were not allowed to travel in the tow truck because - covid. So when a random car pulled up beside us my friend randomly asked them to take me to Sherwood Park so I could pick up my car (or so they could kill me - nbd 
).
).
These absolutely lovely strangers agreed to take me (masked up) to my vehicle. After speaking to him for a few moments it became apparent his wife may or may not have been acquired in a conventional way. No judgment. Just an observation.
So I spent the next 30 min being the most pleasant human who ever existed because I figured this was the easiest way to not die.
Also, I had to text my "person" to tell her the vehicle descrip and plate # of the car I had been traveling in at the beg of the night no longer applied bc I was curr in the back seat of an unknown 2 door car with 2 strangers & I for sure had no bloody idea what the plate # was.
And I was pretty sure someone would be wearing my skin as a suit soon.
The husband told me his wife needed to find a washroom. So I suggested the Starbucks in Sherwood Park would be open to which he replied she was "particular".
Unaware of the stigma of the Starbucks washroom and what "particular" meant, I waited in my car & waved politely until they drove away so I could sneak in and use it. Because - judgment.
Then I drove back to Elk Island to pick up my friend where we had a full on show down with a very angry bison.
It was a this point my friend shared the unhelpful information with me that bison can run as fast as a race horse, which I quickly calculated is faster than I can run.
We managed to get into my vehicle safe and sound and hit the road only to come across a moose standing its ground in the middle of the road.
Then, quite beautifully actually, the moose ran alongside my vehicle for a few moment's of time. Super cool.
Then, quite beautifully actually, the moose ran alongside my vehicle for a few moment's of time. Super cool.
Managed to get my friend home safe and sound and I am now home safe and sound as well - alive to tell the story; skin intact.
Moral of the story - this is why I don't do "nature".
Moral of the story - this is why I don't do "nature".
