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Okay, so I'm watching the twilight movies for the first time and it's amazing how transparently horny Edward is at the idea of dating a girl who keeps getting older? Like she keeps asking why he wants her to wait but he's too embarrassed to say, "because I want MILF pussy"
She's like, "I'm going to look so old!" And he just breaks into a somehow colder sweat and avoids eye contact
Like the transformers movies, these are a series of extremely dreamlike movies about humans that don't seem to be made by humans
I'm starting the 3rd movie and I can't quite explain what's happening but everyone's face looks different and I keep wondering if they're not the same actors even though I know they are
Ok serious question, did anyone actually go to school with the kind of kid who seems to be in all teen movies who walks straight up to the new kid and goes, "hi I'm Typewriter Timothy Timmons and I'm your teen journalist connection to what's happening in Holyoak High!!!"
I honestly can't imagine a worse hell than having to go though high school over and over again forever
Bella's parents are so reasonable and worried about her relationship with the horrible man who only makes her cry
Edward refuses to have sex because his demon dick and super semen will kill his pathetic girlfriend's mortal pussy
I'm like a decade late to this but LOL this virtuous volcel vampire
What's Cameron Bright up to right now? I hope he's having a good night
@cameronbright I hope you're having a good night
Why don't I hang out exclusively with a group of ripped boys who stand in formation and never wear shirts
I love the aging twink doctor dad I love him I love him he's been beamed into this movie directly from fairyland
These two boys keep reading each other's minds and being like... "Bro... why are you horny. You're so horny in your brain right now buddy!! I'm reading your brain and it's so horny in there!!!!"
Hey bro we were created by God to smash our big bodies into each other but I would probably be friends with you if you weren't so horny under those muscles of yours!!!!!!! I'm all in your thoughts bro and you're too horny it's making me want to take off my clothes and fight!!!!!!
Hey your scent is too strong bro I'm smelling you and OH WOW your thoughts are horny in there and your smell completely eclipses the smell of any girl... I hate you my guy come here so I can suck your dirty dick right off your body, that's how much I hate you dude
I love the werewolves they all share thoughts??? And they're always shirtless and they're all himbos???? And it's heavily implied that when one of them fucks they all experience it together as a group!?! BEST BOYS! HORNY BOYS!!!
Ok so there Cullens aren't always having orgies bc they're respectable or whatever but the Italian twink squad??? I bet it's wild over there. Their rooms *all* have beds, you know what I'm saying??
There are so many Evil Street Boys in the twilight universe. Can't walk outside as a girl without four-plus guys trying to rip your clothes off.
Ok I finished movie 3, done for tonight my head hurts
Starting twilight 4 and I'm already confronted with the fact that Bella's mom's boyfriend is a baseball player but maybe they couldn't get the same actor because we only saw his ear from behind
Bella's dad looks extremely depressed that she's getting married at age 18 to a man whose middle name is Masen and I fully agree
Is it part of the werewolf magic that their shorts transform along with them or do they rip a pair of shorts every time they transform
Oh no, Edward the vampire's big secret is that he sucked some guy's blood
Oh wait, he only ate murderers? Is this a problem?
Emmett can fuck me through a wall anytime he wants tbh
Emmett is 1000000000% a trans boy himbo
Bella's dad looks so depressed all the time and I have never sympathized with a character in a movie more
I know there's a whole other movie after this, so I have no confidence that I will actually get to see Bella get turned into a vampire for the next 2 hours
Jacob has a personality and that's why I don't like him
I do like that Jacob looked into Bella's eyes and made fun of her for not being able to have sex with her husband
Okay honestly, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you shouldn't have invited the woman whose husband was killed by werewolves who are going to be at this wedding
Vampire twink dad I love you come chastely hang out near me!!!!
Took a break from watching the 4th twilight movie to buy a lot of stuff from the leather archives rummage sale lmao
Edward I know you can't have sex with Bella but you can eat her pussy right? There's no reason you can't do that right? Your tongue won't kill her right?
Okay they're both naked this is definitely heating up*
*it's not
*it's not
Wait is she trying to lose her virginity in a lake?? A lake is the worst place to put the dick in for the first time
Wow his demon semen fucking destroyed this Airbnb
He feels really guilty because he gave her a tiny bruise during missionary sex
Bella, after having sex for literally the first time: "I can't imagine it gets any better than that."
