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Lately I've been thinking about the line between bullying and fond teasing in TMA fanfic. The line can be hard to find. What looks like teasing to one person can look cruel to another. (TMA fluff contest spoilers, cw: ableism) 1/
I have nothing against the author of today's fluff contest entry. I think they were trying to write a cute moment & missed the mark in a way that was triggering to some people. What I want to explore is *why* scenes like that bother some of us, and how writers can avoid it. 2/
The biggest difference between teasing & bullying to me is, are you laughing at someone or with them? If someone laughs at their own mistake, laughing with them is generally fine. In the episode, Martin berates himself, and then Tim and Jon laugh together behind his back. 3/
Teasing is also something you do with people you like, and they tease you back. In the episode, I didn't get any sense that Tim and Jon particularly liked Martin. Martin didn't even realize Jon was amused at his mistake, and he certainly wouldn't tease Jon back at that point. 4/
They're basically just making fun of Martin's anxiety while doing nothing to alleviate it. This reminded me of some S1 fics where Tim and Sasha mock Jon for his neurodivergence and it gets passed off as teasing when Jon's not in on the joke. 5/
I know people who refuse to read S1 fanfic because they see how fandom treats Jon's neurodivergence: as a topic for jokes and eye-rolling. Some writers inadvertently treat neurodivergence as something to be punished by NTs. Which really sucks if you're ND. 6/
I have ADHD. Sometimes I laugh at the way my brain works. One of my favorite jokes is, "How many people with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?" "Oh look, a bike!" I'm fine when friends are in on the joke. 7/
I'm not fine if people joke about it behind my back, or treat it as evidence that I'm bad or wrong and need to change. I certainly wouldn't want people making a show out of it. 8/
So if you're writing a scenario where someone is teasing another character, I'd consider those things. Is the character in on it? Are they comfortable? Is it mutual, and built on affection and respect? 9/
Also, is the person being teased ND or disabled? In that case, really tread carefully, and consider getting someone in that group to read the scene. If you're writing autistic Jon and all anyone does is complain about his autistic traits...sorry, that's ableist as hell. 10/
As someone with late-diagnosed ADHD and poor social skills who's faced a LOT of bullying, this issue is really important to me. I would really love to hear other people's opinions on this matter. Thanks for reading. 11/11
