This will be a thread on why I defend other intersex women who are XY, despite getting the "pass" due to my ovary and uterus. Why I focus on reproductive structures and how our bodies develop, rather then speculation of what gametes can come from undeveloped testes.

I've been accused of some awful things these last days on Twitter and Reddit "clones", so much in fact that it has taken a toll on my mental & physical health. I've felt anger, sadness and like someone just slammed a knife into my back after claiming to be a better ally.

I've seen it happen too many times, I speak of the slippery slope fallacy and get told I'm being dramatic and it doesn't happen. Numerous times I've seen it happen, I've seen GCs break their own argument to be nice despite making no sense. Then they reveal how they really see it

It starts with criticizing an intersex athlete who's had the majority of her medical details and business concealed. Interviews being taken out of context, conspiracy theories and baseless "evidence." This isn't the first time I've dealt with the frustrating 5-ARD argument.

So if I cave and say 5-ARD is always a bio male condition but Caster is a woman, I get sneered at and compared to a gender ideologist. A woman cannot be male, it goes against the very definitions of male and female.

Supposedly she passed an intrusive exam. People doubt it.

Feelings take weight over what would be facts, but the foundations shady history doesn't help things and the whole trans issue. Even if I were to say CS is a biological male, a man then what of her childhood? What of all the accounts of her being raised a girl?

Plus, the true ugliness in those debates starts to come when other conditions get pulled into it. Many people throwing these accusations claim CS has PAIS and then proceed to belittle and erase the womanhood of all those born with PAIS. It isn't like they chose to have PAIS.

This isn't just about 5-ARD and CS, this is about the treatment of women with XY chromosomes. This is about the treatment of women with 5-ARD, PAIS, CAIS and even my condition.. Swyer. I'm at the bottom of the slope and it doesn't take long for people to X out the ones before me

This horrendous treatment of Caster Semenya has effected intersex women as a group. It isn't just about sports, or about CS specifically it's about intersex XY women as a group. I've seen countless times how many GCs will not hesitate to call PAIS and CAIS observed female, "men."

So why do I, the woman with Swyer syndrome not just save my own skin? Well you see.. it goes back to when I was born. My parents were told I was suspected to have partial androgen insensitivity syndrome as a child. That's what the original diagnosis even said. I had this detail..

hidden from me as I grew up. My parents openly lied to my face and insisted I was just a late bloomer as I didn't change much in puberty and became more frequently ill. I was even scheduled for surgeries later on that my mother objected to and cancelled. She raised me no ...

different from my sisters and tried to push aspects of being a girl/young woman on me as I grew in age. It wasn't until I became older and started to openly voice my disdain toward "being girly" that my parents started hesitating with me and my mother even, as I discovered later

canceled the appointment I had to start hormones, so I couldn't develop like other girls. Obviously I went into this somewhat in regards to my father and his trans woman friend but this isn't the key take of this. Regardless I'm not here to talk specifically about my growing up.

I grew up believing I was female, I was a girl just "different" and I got pulled into transitioning because my body was different and I didn't develop like other girls. After I stopped taking testosterone, I lost sight of who I was and fell into the mindset that I did change sex

despite never undergoing any procedures for transition of which I did desire them because I didn't "want to be that weak little girl anymore."

As I grew older I questioned why my body wasn't really reversing, I was becoming sick again but I wasn't changing. Growing frustrated I

sought out medical assistance, with people insisting I was a trans woman, or non binary, or something else. It was a fight but eventually I managed to see a doctor who agreed to take my labs, she was horrified when she got the results. Asking me how long I produced..

practically no sex hormones and explaining to me the serious dangers and complications that can arise from having next to no testosterone and estrogen. She put me on a treatment to normalize my levels and wanted me to take a karyotype and it was that day I learned I had XY.

I remember seeing that and shaking, XY meant male... I was male? That means the doctor I saw at the institute was right. It shook me, it hurt me. I started to doubt my own being female after I regained certainty I -was- female again. I was angry, I was hurt, I needed answers...

I confronted my parents to which they told me everything finding out I was indeed intersex and I was furious with them. I called them vile names, told them I never wanted to see them again. I wished horrible, horrible things on them to the point my mother cried. I remember ...

slamming the door as I left, full of hatred and doubting my own existence.. my sex even. I was no different from those trans women who prattled on about their "dreams" of being "girls" in those LGBT groups. Despite being awkwardly there, uncomfortable how I described them.. I was

like them..? I went back to the LGBT community with my tail between my legs, explaining my circumstances and becoming used as a prop. I rejected this and went to a group of women who I thought would be understanding, immediately my XY chromosomes got used against me. I was a TW

to them. An infiltrator, an impossible.. a "man." I found it ironic and sad, as I desperately tried to become a man and now seemingly I was always one? I remember starting to lose my sanity from this. Falling back into the LGBT community with my tail between my legs. "Validated."

While also being kept in my place, I was constantly reminded how I was biologically different. That my existence proved transitioning was possible. Used, abused, taken complete advantage of. All because I found out I had XY chromosomes. I was just a "special trans woman."

It'd get brought to me how trans women were more female then me, why was I bothering to take treatment if I was so masculine? I was broken. As my doctor and I worked on investigating more of my body, my distress toward what taking T did, we discovered I had an ovary and had to

adjust my levels once again, it seemed to be constant. Eventually my treatment started getting conflated with transgender-based care to which I sought out a provider who was more familiar with intersex bodies. This doctor wanted me to take an ultrasound. To which screening

revealed I had an undeveloped uterus as well as a cervix, my ovary was completely confirmed at this point. This led to my doctor raising questions about my initial discovery of being intersex to which she and I investigated my medical records and discovered off the first

karyotype I had no SRY gene on my second chromosome. She told me I was falsely diagnosed with Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome and that I in fact seemed to have Swyer Syndrome judging by all the tests and screenings. She also heavily criticized the clinic that delivered me

As of this point suddenly on the change of my condition, I was a woman again? Not a fake woman? I was female, always female and what I did with my appearance didn't matter? Of course there were still those who argued my Y chromosome made me biologically male and stuck to it.

None of it made any sense. Why was I suddenly female again all because of a change in diagnosis? I still looked the same, still was undergoing the same treatment. Although some things did change, my reconstruction consult had suggestions pushed into it to properly create a path

to my cervix, which made the procedure more riskier then before. What initially started as a labiaplasty and a clitoropexy became more then that. Although spending more and more time in the hospital due to anxiety attacks from the distress gave me too much time to think...

I learned that XX intersex women had no issue throwing those of us with a Y chromosome under the bus to save their own skin. That XXY[Klinefelter] trans people kept using us to justify transition and being "intersex females." What made a girl, a girl? A woman, a woman?

The only thing that changed about me was my diagnosis, this treatment would have ended the same regardless. So what made me female? What made a PAIS woman.. a "male?" Was it the gonads? No one even knew my gonads until it was investigated. I doubted my "femaleness."

That was until I stumbled on a group for detrans women I was recommended to, who helped set me on a path to accepting myself again as female.. regardless of that Y chromosome. Pretty sure my doctor nor I expected what happened after years of treatment, or maybe she did...

Generally speaking, my body somewhat works.. I have cycles, I sadly seem to deal with mittelschmerz and I've even had a traumatic incident involving my womb after an unfortunate incident. I've been shaken up through my discovery and "understanding" of my body.

These experiences are what I think of when I think of female, for sure.. but for me they only started in my later twenties. So what made me female before that? Why is a PAIS or CAIS woman a male? This is why I defend other XY females. I've been there and to this day...

It still doesn't make any sense, I don't think it's supposed to. Most people aren't even familiar when total SRY deletion can occur on a XY female.. or when uterine tissue can be discovered in CAIS/PAIS. The few successful assisted pregnancies of CAIS women.

Medical science is severely underfunded when it comes to intersex conditions and given some cases of XY female were only discovered in very situational cases, who's to say the same isn't for XX male when the SRY attaches to a X chromosome, leading to male development.

It has been an insane journey for me and I question if it's truly over, I've been encouraged to seek out a very indepth medical analysis that I have no prayer of affording presently.

I've cut out some aspects as they didn't hold too much relevance, like my second karyotype.

My own case is that of a "fluke" although a documented fluke and with the CS case it's hard to say whether we're all being tugged on a string or this is just more proof that intersex research is severely neglected.