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Indian Joint family institution is deeply toxic institution. It amplifies both institutions of patriarchy and caste. Having lived in one I will never wish a joint family to worst of my enemies. A woman has to negotiate for each right with not one men, but multiple men.
From fathers to uncles to grandfathers. In my opinion, the institution is unnatural and source of trauma and mental harassment. Lack of privacy, difficulties in asserting agency are just a few to name. A woman hoping to have a work life will find it extremely difficult. It sucks
And I hate Bollywood for showing Joint families as these festival. Sooraj Badjatya and Rajshree films suck.
It is likely permanently living with that nosy uncle we all occasionally meet in weddings and make memes about. Imagine!
Education- In my career, each men in the house had opinion about usually forcing me to take up a caste based professional course, rather than my own choice. I was still the lucky one. The other families in my surroundings didn't even consider education to be important.
Kya karoge itna padhakar was a comment my mother heard when I was in 4th class and used to be enthusiastic about co curricular activities. Another occasion, my mother couldn't perform household work due to PTM in school leading to a huge fight in the house.
Jobs- My mother wanted to start her small business, couldn't because of comments, problems created by men in the house (and there are so many men). She faced problems for not being able to pay attention to duties of Bahu. Ultimately she left it.
Division of labour and women pitted against another- the institution puts women against women. That's why we have toxic jokes about Bhuas, and Chachis. To this day I have seen such rivalry in my house. There is strict division of labour. Fathers and uncles don't go to kitchen.
Choice of partner- Imagine negotiating about having a partner with so many people. There are multiple to put surveillance on women and enforce moral code. In my own house, sister has been socially boycotted for marrying as per her choice.
Control by men- strict enforcement of moral code. In my 4th grade my uncle commented on my weight and my jeans. I didn't wear jeans till college then. I still have body image issues because of that control mechanism.
Caste- the Brahmanical ritualistic practices are more strict and more stringently enforced in joint families.
It puts you to deep mental health issues. Origin of a lot of my issues lies in this blood sucking system.
It is difficult to dissent when you such control over your body, your mobility and your values. In my own experience, last year, one challenge came from my joint family. My uncles and Aunts made life of my mother hell with comments like- 'How come daughters of our
Hosur is speaking on sex and sexual harassment'. 'Do you have no control over your daughter that she spoke against sexual harassment so publically.'. 'It is your fault'.
