"Where does the rank Lance Jack and Full Screw come from? It goes back to Roman times when a group of farmers, tired of being pillaged and slaughtered by the Roman troops in Britain decided to fight back.

They made a plan to form a rebellion and someone noticed the lack of leadership. Asking for volunteers to be leaders, Lancius Jakus and his older brother Fuullus Screwus put their hands up.

As the force grew in size, a natural leader emerged called Tharge who later went on to kill the marauding Roman leader with his own big stick, called a staaf. He adopted the name Staaf Tharge in recognition of his win.

As tactics evolved over time, Staaf Tharge noticed the Romans adopted a 'swarming technique' used by ants. He studied them closely and he made him self the War Ant Officer. For every battle that he won, he added a number.

Unfortunately by the time he got to War Ant Officer Two he had to retire because of the then undiagnosed 'Irritable bowel syndrome' and he spent a lot of his time as a Loo Tennant.