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When I was 17, my mum sat me down after my first break up and said “as you get older, you’ll learn to love with a little bit less of your heart.” Here’s a thread with all the times that hasn’t happened
took a 20hr long Megabus to Paris to meet someone I’d met ONCE. Didn’t tell him til I got there. Didn’t book back-up accommodation.
tried to steal a guys t-shirt so I had an excuse to text him the next day, forgot to wait until he wasn’t in the room to do it though. had to pretend like I thought it was mine. Also this technique has literally not worked once...
...and I’ve ended up with a perfectly curated museum of people’s clothes they’d rather sacrifice than text me back. I’ve checked and some stuff is worth up to like £80
got so many Ubers to try to save a relationship my bank called because they thought I’d been hacked so I had to tell the whole story to a representative at Santander to prove it was me
went manic pixie for one exhausting month. Full method acting. Got into Belle and Sebastian, all that stuff. walked up to him at a party in character and asked him to colour my life with the chaos of trouble. That’s a line i stole from 500 days of summer. hurts to type that one
told a girl I loved her, got rejected and then let her use me as a cover so she could meet up with a guy she liked. Had to wave at her parents every morning when they dropped her off at the station…
…then sit in costa by myself for 7 hours until she got back from seeing him. then wave at her parents again as if she’d been with me the entire time.
went to a street dance class that I knew she’d be at. It was really hard. they made us learn a routine to Beyoncé’s Flawless and insisted we each perform it in small groups while they recorded it for Facebook Live – I ran away
hid behind a bin outside my house cos I knew she’d walk past
guy offered me a cigarette. I took it to seem cool. didn’t know how to smoke so I put it into my pocket STILL LIT
Smoked a joint to impress someone at a party, got paranoid there were old lady feet underneath my bedroom door, was found crying in my bed, face drained, clutching an oversized teddy bear
On a date I could tell I was losing her, so panicked and told her my dad died so we had something to talk about. Spent most of final year at uni trying to work out the chain of people who had now heard the lie
secretly got my belly-button pierced to impress a girl. It has been infected ever since. I am too scared to touch it
let a guy swing a punching bag at me at the gym as a joke to “see how hard it was”. It knocked me across the room. I had to pretend it was hilarious. It hurt so so so much.
dropped a gram of MDMA to impress a guy, ended up getting taken out of the club by a bouncer while I screamed “PLEASE, JUST LET ME BE SICK IN THE TOILET”
I’m the girl that’s pulled over onto the hard shoulder with her hazard lights on and her head in her hands, who really wants a McFlurry to soften the heartbreak but has to leave it a bit so the drive thru guy won’t know she’s been crying
Basically it’s either that or sit at home, staring at their name going online and offline, letting that moment fade away, and loving with less and less of my heart. Also, my dad died. Wait no he didn’t that’s a lie sorry. fuck. really got to stop doing that.
