Read on Twitter
A sex-positive, educational thread about KINK. I'm not an educational, health, nor sex work professional; just your friendly neighborhood kinkster.
I'll cover consent, how to find a kinkster (& red flags to avoid); & discussing interests/setting boundaries.
I'll cover consent, how to find a kinkster (& red flags to avoid); & discussing interests/setting boundaries.
The first rule of kink/bdsm is AFFIRMATIVE CONSENT. Real kinksters only want to play with consenting peers.
Affirmative consent means a very clear "YES." Yes means yes. No means no. Maybe means no. Indecision and uncertainty mean no. A lack of response means no.
Affirmative consent means a very clear "YES." Yes means yes. No means no. Maybe means no. Indecision and uncertainty mean no. A lack of response means no.
Consent can only happen between peers.
Consent is impossible when there is an unfair power dynamic. Consent is impossible in pedophilic and zoophilic situations, and when someone is unconscious or in a chemically altered state (too drunk to drive = too drunk to consent).
Consent is impossible when there is an unfair power dynamic. Consent is impossible in pedophilic and zoophilic situations, and when someone is unconscious or in a chemically altered state (too drunk to drive = too drunk to consent).
Consent is rare and fraught between age peers who have power differentials between them. That's why abuse is so likely in boss/subordinate, professor/college student, clergy/churchgoer, and similar situations.
F1fty Sh@des does not show a healthy, consensual relationship.
F1fty Sh@des does not show a healthy, consensual relationship.
How do kinksters find each other? We require consent and respect boundaries. If we get a good sense of each other, then we just straight up discuss it.
A good way to tell if you're talking to a genuine kinkster is if they discuss it in terms of themselves, what they like and what they're willing to do. Real kinksters don't put any expectations on anyone else.
So it's a major red flag if someone opens with "I'm looking for a sub." Even worse, if they dive into a detailed kink-related conversation without getting affirmative consent first.
Kink is about TRUST and EMPOWERMENT. It is not about being a Big Jerk Who Seizes Control.
Kink is about TRUST and EMPOWERMENT. It is not about being a Big Jerk Who Seizes Control.
How do kinksters figure out mutual interests and boundaries? We discuss this stuff openly before a scene starts (regardless of whether the scene is in person or just sexting).
Sometimes these talks are called "negotiations" because all involved parties make it clear what they want to give & hope to receive. But while other negotiations have compromises, respectful kinksters never want a partner to do what they don't enthusiastically desire to do.
By the way, this level of open and forthright communication guarantees that vanilla (non-kink) interactions are also amazing.
Decent rule of thumb: if you can't openly discuss an act & how to do it safely, you probably aren't ready to try it.
Decent rule of thumb: if you can't openly discuss an act & how to do it safely, you probably aren't ready to try it.
Anyway. This is really a high level overview type thing. Ask me questions here or on cc (my link is in my bio) and I will try my best to answer you or get you good resources.
