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There’s one piece of therapy that I learned in school, but have never once seen in practice. And none of my peers have seen it either.
When I started, I was doing court-ordered, with some family therapy packed in. A lot of domestic/child abuse, because it was the 90s.
When I started, I was doing court-ordered, with some family therapy packed in. A lot of domestic/child abuse, because it was the 90s.
So when I say that parent was being abusive to their kid(s)/spouse, it isn’t just my opinion, someone was worried enough to call in the disturbance, the DA issued a charge, and the court agreed it was abuse.
Even back in the 90s, the idea of reparative therapy existed. Reparative in the context of family violence is actually pretty simple: it starts with a real apology, and then making real amends, and altering behavior from anti-social to prosocial.
In family violence, it means a parent telling the child they’re sorry for beating them, and doing the work to never do it again, and earn back the kid’s trust.
It never happened. Not once.
It never happened. Not once.
Authoritarian parenting is SO broken that even when the court ordered a parent into therapy, on pain of going to jail if they didn’t? The authoritarian parent could never find the humility and self-inquiry to start the process.
I’m seeing it again today.
Many people do not like being told they have been abusive.
It may be subclinical abuse. A church may endorse it. The court may not have time for it, but that doesn’t make it less abusive.
Defensiveness & insults are almost always markers of abusers.
Many people do not like being told they have been abusive.
It may be subclinical abuse. A church may endorse it. The court may not have time for it, but that doesn’t make it less abusive.
Defensiveness & insults are almost always markers of abusers.
Addendums:
Yes, teenagers can, and do, get violent towards their parents. It’s incredibly rare for that violence to appear out of nowhere. There are good studies that show teen violence is predicated on corporal punishment, neglect & emotional abuse.
Kids act as they’re shown.
Yes, teenagers can, and do, get violent towards their parents. It’s incredibly rare for that violence to appear out of nowhere. There are good studies that show teen violence is predicated on corporal punishment, neglect & emotional abuse.
Kids act as they’re shown.
The best way to prevent teen violence is to not be violent towards your child. And to not permit others to be violent towards your child.
And without a time machine, you may not be able to undo past actions.
But there is restorative, reparative therapy.
And without a time machine, you may not be able to undo past actions.
But there is restorative, reparative therapy.
Oh, and I RESENT THE HELL out of the asshat fundies who stole the word reparative and tainted it with their homophobia.
Phooey on them.
Reparations and restorations build better. They are not destructive.
Phooey on them.
Reparations and restorations build better. They are not destructive.
