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After Bobby killed himself, I went into a fog of depression. I don't remember more than half the things I did, said, or choices I made that first year without him. There are even articles I don't remember writing. I was on auto pilot & had no energy. Didn't leave my bed most days https://twitter.com/elleduncanESPN/status/1304174810654748672
Bobby was a firefighter who struggled with the things he saw. But he never spoke of it because everyone deemed him the strong one, the funny one, the glue that held everything together.
And when he hinted at his discontent it was always "you're a leader. You can't be weak"
And when he hinted at his discontent it was always "you're a leader. You can't be weak"
Bobby never felt comfortable being "weak" and I lost him because of it.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't low key part of the problem at the time.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't low key part of the problem at the time.
Years after he died people still say things to me like "you're tough. You can take it" or "wow. You're so strong" or "keep it together. You've been through worse"
Yes, I'm strong. Yes, I've been to the darkness and back.
BUT there is only so much a person can take.
Yes, I'm strong. Yes, I've been to the darkness and back.
BUT there is only so much a person can take.
Sometimes I need to be held. That's ok.
Sometimes I need to be left alone. That's ok.
Sometimes I need people to give me a break from the sass and sarcasm and just be real and raw. That's ok
None of this is better or worse and doesn't make me or anyone else less of a leader.
Sometimes I need to be left alone. That's ok.
Sometimes I need people to give me a break from the sass and sarcasm and just be real and raw. That's ok
None of this is better or worse and doesn't make me or anyone else less of a leader.
Being a leader means being honest with yourself about how you're feeling mentally, physically, and spiritually.
If you hide everything, you'll never get to the root of the problem and it will consume you.
If you hide everything, you'll never get to the root of the problem and it will consume you.
