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Should I watch Cuties from the perspective of a former competition dancer who knows what the dance scene is actually like
Kk I’m watching now and will live tweet.
the dubbing job is HORRIBLE and would be way better with subtitles in the original french
my plan for this is to watch until I feel as though I'm going to be added to a list--will mark the timestamp.
2 mins in I must say the makeup and costuming job is very good.
we are five mins in and Amy (main character) has spotted her preteen neighbor dancing in skintight pants while doing laundry. A budding friendship.
Amy is now ironing her own hair with a clothing iron so she can be like her neighbor. We've all been there.
THE PRETEEN NEIGHBOR IS WEARING A CROP TOP AND A TIGHT SKIRT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHAT IS THIS DO THEY NOT HAVE DRESS CODES IN PARIS
THE PRETEEN NEIGHBOR IS WEARING A CROP TOP AND A TIGHT SKIRT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHAT IS THIS DO THEY NOT HAVE DRESS CODES IN PARIS
why are multiple girls wearing crop tops TO GO TO SCHOOL
first of all they look cold
first of all they look cold
the cropped top girls are being dragged to the principal's office.
Amy has made her not-crop-top into a crop top and she's trying to learn how to dance. Again, we've alllll been there.
ooooh and we've got a polygamy subplot.
ooooh and we've got a polygamy subplot.
Amy's dad has married a second wife and is bringing the second wife to Paris and Amy's mom is very upset about this and so is Amy. And so am I.
Amy is doing the grocery shopping for her family while her preteen neighbors, who don't appear to own shirts, are frolicking around the grocery store together.
14 mins and the Cuties are doing their debut performance of the movie. They're afraid to be watched by Amy? Which is...a choice? They throw rocks at her.
AMY STEALS HER LITTLE BROTHER'S SHIRT BC IT'S SMALL AND CAN BE WORN AS A CROP TOP hahahahha this is actually amusing. Her brother is yelling that it's too small for her.
Amy is doing the classic switcheroo wearing a bigger shirt over the crop top.
Amy is doing the classic switcheroo wearing a bigger shirt over the crop top.
Amy's dad sends his kiddos (and his *wife*) clothes for his second wedding. they're beautiful. the mom is, understandably, destroyed.
WHY DO NONE OF THESE PRETEENS OWN SHIRTS AND WHY ARE THEY DUBBED BY ACTRESSES WHO ARE WAY OLDER THAN 11.
they don't sound like 11 year olds and I think this is why it's freaking me out.
they don't sound like 11 year olds and I think this is why it's freaking me out.
wow the Cuties should be called the Meanies they are being very rude to our friend Amy and stealing her stuff.
the head Cutie, the original preteen from 5 mins in (Angelica) is suddenly being nice to Amy and has stolen something from someone.
i bet we're about to get a 'this is how you twerk' montage
God i hope I'm wrong
i bet we're about to get a 'this is how you twerk' montage
God i hope I'm wrong
I was wrong PTL.
Amy, who somehow owns a smartphone, is now looking at Angelica's 'gram. and taking selfies of herself looking like a grownup. (we've all been there.) and publishing them to her own 'gram (we have not all been there at that age mostly because IG didn't exist)
OH MY GOD THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT PENISES AND ORAL SEX IN THE BATHROOM THEY ARE 11
THEY'RE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF NAKED MEN WHAT
THEY'RE LOOKING AT PICTURES OF NAKED MEN WHAT
They're instructing Amy to take a picture of a classmate's penis and she TRIES TO and oh My God where are the adults at this school
Angelica is over at Amy's apartment. Angelica has yet to have a covered midriff in this movie. They're jumping on a bed and having a pillow fight.
and I don't know how to describe this but the camera just zoomed in on them having a hands-free gummy bear eating contest on the bed
and I don't know how to describe this but the camera just zoomed in on them having a hands-free gummy bear eating contest on the bed
I made my roommate watch that scene (thank you for your service) and, uh, yeah she's equally weirded out.
It just...zoomed in on them shoving their faces into the bed and showing them with a mouth full of gummi bears laughing.
It just...zoomed in on them shoving their faces into the bed and showing them with a mouth full of gummi bears laughing.
Amy apparently stole the phone?
THE TWERKENING BEGINS
THE TWERKENING BEGINS
Angelica and Amy are watching "some bitches called the Sweety Swags" dance and uh, one of the Sweety Swags just flashed her nipple at the camera.
"they have a lot of likes," says Amy.
well that was certainly a choice made by the film.
"they have a lot of likes," says Amy.
well that was certainly a choice made by the film.
The Sweety Swags are apparently in their division but I...cannot imagine this is the case.
the little brother has flooded the house when Amy was supposed to be babysitting. (we've all been there)
Angelica is now teaching Amy about makeup and says her "crop top is dope"
Amy is now the Sweeties videographer
Angelica is now teaching Amy about makeup and says her "crop top is dope"
Amy is now the Sweeties videographer
first round of Sweeties dancing is pretty typical hiphop. Nothing out of the ordinary tbh.
Not even really twerking, just regular hiphop that wouldn't be out of place at a competition. They're saying Amy has a flat booty with makes me sad :( She's 11!
as an aside: didn't france ban child beauty pageants bc exploitation
so far the moral of this story is Smartphones Are Evil
there's a dance contest poster, "open to all."
Some boys try to hit on them, and they did the classic lie of "we're 14" when they're actually 11.
Some boys try to hit on them, and they did the classic lie of "we're 14" when they're actually 11.
oh okay the 11 year old just blew up a USED condom she found like a balloon.
"AIDS People have sex with that! You're going to get AIDS!"
"AIDS People have sex with that! You're going to get AIDS!"
the girl who blew up the condom didn't know what it was, but the rest of them did. theyre now washing her mouth out with soap to disinfect her.
the 11 year old preteens are now webcamming with a guy.
they're asking the guy if he wants to touch their tits...and accidentally turn the camera on. The guy freaked out when he realized he was webcamming with literal children.
they're asking the guy if he wants to touch their tits...and accidentally turn the camera on. The guy freaked out when he realized he was webcamming with literal children.
Jasmine (Yazmin?) has a mom, who seems to care about her, but like....why doesn't she make her 11 year old dress like an 11 year old for school?
Angelica attempts to kick Jasmine's ass. Angelica still is wearing a croptop.
Amy offers to take Jasmine's place in the dance group.
HERE COMES THE TWERK MONTAGE -_-
Amy offers to take Jasmine's place in the dance group.
HERE COMES THE TWERK MONTAGE -_-
Amy is now doing part of the WAP challenge after showing relatively tame moves to Angelica in their laundry room as her audition.
AMY is teaching them how to twerk!? Precious sheltered Amy?
we are 43 mins in and Y I K E S Y I K E S Y I K E S
YOU CAN RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT THE HYPER-SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN WITHOUT REPEATEDLY FRAMING THEIR TWERKING REAR ENDS ON THE SCREEN
okay after the scream break I have turned the movie back on.
It went from after school hip hop class to adult content in like FIVE MINUTES.
it's very jarring to see them go from posing with their fingers in their mouths to laughing which i guess is good directing.
It went from after school hip hop class to adult content in like FIVE MINUTES.
it's very jarring to see them go from posing with their fingers in their mouths to laughing which i guess is good directing.
Which like, I get it! These are still small girls who are acting like very big girls!
Angelica does not see her parents much, which I guess explains her half-shirts.
Angelica does not see her parents much, which I guess explains her half-shirts.
Angelica just wants her parents to see her dance and she wants them to tell her that she's good 
Amy's dream is that her dad never comes back.
Amy's dream is that her dad never comes back.
Amy is now being taught how to be a woman by *making the food for her dad's second wedding.* She's being told to peel everything and chop stuff and that's a lot for an 11 year old! I'd rebel too.
Amy slices her hand chopping onions and gets blood all over her pretty dress.
Like a bizarro-superman she runs through the streets and rips off her clothing to reveal her crop top dance costume.
It's the first round of the contest and the rest of the Cuties are struggling.
Like a bizarro-superman she runs through the streets and rips off her clothing to reveal her crop top dance costume.
It's the first round of the contest and the rest of the Cuties are struggling.
THE SWEETY SWAGGS ARE BACK and they do not appear to be 11
Amy gets her period, Amy's grandma(?) tells her that when she was her age, she was engaged. And that she wants Amy to have the same fate.
Amy, understandably, is not enthused about this.
Amy, understandably, is not enthused about this.
Amy has joined the Crop Top Crew in earnest. The Cuties are mad that Amy missed the first audition for the contest. Angelica is mad. They're giving miss Amy the silent treatment.
They have snuck into a laser tag....arena? House? Idk what to call it. They're miming their own very slow deaths because, well, they're 11.
and they get caught and the laser tag manager is threatening to call their parents.
and they get caught and the laser tag manager is threatening to call their parents.
they're calling the manager a pervert and a child molester for trying to kick them out.
"Your friend was trying to grope us."
"Your friend was trying to grope us."
The Cuties got into the finals. And now Amy is twerking for two grown men at the laser tag place.
so they just...recorded a music video performance? And the camera zoomed into the little blonde girl's groin area when she was doing a tilt in short shorts.
this is a tilt
it's a 100% normal dance move but I've never in my 29 years of existence seen a video recording of one with the crotch zoomed in and in focus.
it's a 100% normal dance move but I've never in my 29 years of existence seen a video recording of one with the crotch zoomed in and in focus.
a questionable directing decision for sure!!!!!!!
Amy's video of her posing with her legs spread gets constant likes and stars on the instagram type app. BARF.
Amy is wearing what I assume are Angelica's skintight pants and crop top from earlier in the movie. The girls are excited about her "Cleavage."
WHERE ARE THE GROWN UPS AT THIS SCHOOL
WHERE ARE THE GROWN UPS AT THIS SCHOOL
oh Oh OH the Sweety Swags go to either that school or a nearby school. A confrontation between the two dance crews ensues, with Amy pulling someone's hair and the swags PANTSING AMY.
we just saw Amy's undies.
we just saw Amy's undies.
just a totally normal slow-mo montage of a bunch of preteen girls running through the streets of Paris with bras and underwear on over their clothes that descends into a slo-mo montage of the same preteen girls biting their fingers and gyrating totally normal nothing wrong at all
Amy stole money from her mom and possibly hocked her dress? and bought her little brother a drone as a hush payment.
this would have been a perfectly effective film without the ridiculous number of scenes that involve zooming in on a preteen's rear end and crotch.
apparently everyone is talking about the video of Amy's undies which is again what
the person who the phone belongs to has confronted Amy about stealing the phone so she...starts taking her clothes off? what?
the person who the phone belongs to has confronted Amy about stealing the phone so she...starts taking her clothes off? what?
Amy ran away to the bathroom, took a shot of her own private parts, and uploaded it to...somewhere.
what the what the what the what the what the
what the what the what the what the what the
Amy, who is dressed in something me, a grown woman, would wear going out, gets her butt slapped by a classmate.
"but she's the one putting up nude photos of herself online... you're the slut not me"
So Amy stabbed him with a compass.
"but she's the one putting up nude photos of herself online... you're the slut not me"
So Amy stabbed him with a compass.
Amy's mother is pissed, threatens to kill her, which, honestly, all things considered is a relatively tame reaction.
Amy's mother and grandmother(?) are doing some sort of ...i don't even know...and it involves throwing water on Amy, who is wearing a tank top and underwear and gyrating.
perhaps theyre making her dance until she collapses? i'm honestly not sure. this is very weird. we didn't need to see her rear end zoomed in.
The fellow Cuties are very mad that Amy posted a nude online because it "ruined their image." Amy says she wanted to prove they weren't little girls.
The other Cuties say that men are asking them for nudes now too.
E L E V E N.
The other Cuties say that men are asking them for nudes now too.
E L E V E N.
they apparently arranged for the Islamic version of an exorcism who says that there's no evil spirit in Amy.
Which I guess, that's good.
Which I guess, that's good.
We are back in the Laundry Room. Angelica and Amy are not friends and the rest of the Cuties are mad at Amy for the nude.
if there's one good thing about this movie it's that these children are shockingly responsible at laundry at a young age.
if there's one good thing about this movie it's that these children are shockingly responsible at laundry at a young age.
Angelica kicks Amy out of the Cuties, Amy tries to...bear hug crush Angelica?, Angelica runs away.
it is (second) wedding day!
:(
:(
Amy runs away (relatable) and goes to her hidden stash of dance costumes (less relatable)
where did these come from
like how did these poor french children acquire matching dance wear
where did these come from
like how did these poor french children acquire matching dance wear
Amy steals someone's purse and shoves her in the water. She maybe drowns? But appears to be okay?
HOOO BOY IT IS THE FINALS OF THE MOV'UP DANCE CONTEST
the Sweety Swags just went. The Cuties are waiting on Jasmine who is MIA, but Amy is there in costume and with hair and stuff all ready to go. Jasmine's hair is more purple than the rest.
the Sweety Swags just went. The Cuties are waiting on Jasmine who is MIA, but Amy is there in costume and with hair and stuff all ready to go. Jasmine's hair is more purple than the rest.
oh good now we're on the scene that went viral
for clarification's sake, absolutely none of this is normal for competition dance. Some moves are, but all of this combined is absolutely not the norm.
hahaha a mom in the audience just covered her daughter's eyes and honestly same
Please tell me this was a dream sequence please tell me this was a dream sequence please tell me
the grandma/Great aunt(?) tells Amy she's wearing "the clothes of a whore."
It does not appear to have been a dream sequence.
The mom does stand up for Amy after the grandma figure goes OFF on her.
It does not appear to have been a dream sequence.
The mom does stand up for Amy after the grandma figure goes OFF on her.
Amy's mom tells her it's fine if she skips the (second) wedding, which, honestly, same.
the costumes worn by the Cuties (the blue metallic ones) are pretty standard competition wear fwiw. I hated it because, well, I have boobs and it was impossible to wear a normal bra with them.
Amy, in western clothing (but age-appropriate, like a long sleeved shirt and jeans), walks by the wedding scene, and starts jumping rope with women dressed in Senegalese wear.
and then the movie ends.
and then the movie ends.
okay! we're done! we're done! we're done!
that was absolutely not a commentary on sexual exploitation of preteens.
that was absolutely not a commentary on sexual exploitation of preteens.
it reminded me of the movie Thirteen, tbh. Similar framing and idea, and similar bizarre ending. "Onze," I guess we could call it.
I enjoyed the parallels of the movie--the blue dance costume vs the blue traditional dress for the wedding, for one. but yowza, it was not necessary to have all that it did.
The first third was fine, the middle third was questionable, the last third was...not great.
The first third was fine, the middle third was questionable, the last third was...not great.
Honestly this was more of a commentary on Why Children Shouldn't Have Phones and Schools Need Dress Codes
