X : Would you like to speak at our event?
Me : Sure, why not ... oh, wait ... it's a physical event?
X : Yes
Me : I'm not planning physical events.
X : It's 2021.
Me : Sorry, my bad. I'm not planning physical events ever. What's wrong with virtual? Also, are you in an office?

X : Yes, I'm in an office.
Me : You're in a zoom meeting in an office?
X : Yes, that's the story of my life these days.
Me : Wait ... you go to an office to spend all day on zoom calls?
X : Yes, yes and yes.
Me : Does your company hate you?

X : What's the alternative?
Me : Take a picture of the office, set as your background and go work wherever you want to.
X : Does that really work?
Me : In 2006, my CFO lived in South Africa, my COO lived in Canada and one engineer lived on a mountain in South Korea. This is 2020.

X : But I also need access to systems that aren't available remotely.
Me : They are available on your PC in the office?
X : Yes.
Me : And you're dealing with national security issues? Counter terrorism?
X : Oh, god no. It's accounting information.
Me : Your company hates you.