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This is real. I talk a lot about how we've broken the (tech) management role. They are essentially forced into behaving this way. https://twitter.com/mekkaokereke/status/1304074690781093888
Somehow managers have received the message that nobody should feel bad ever. And if someone does feel bad, then their job is to translate those feelings directly into negative feedback for whoever they are aimed at.
I'm not sure when or how this became the norm. But considering that most people who are thrust into management roles receive no real training, who knows where they get their ideas about what the job is?
It's certainly not from their bosses who are founders/executives. Those people are terrible managers. I tell managers that if they report to a VP or C-level or founder, they basically have no manager and they should plan accordingly.
Let's talk about the other half of the dysfunction that leads to the "perception bomb". Managers have also decided that they can't talk people through the details of what is creating negative perceptions about them. Because that requires telling you who has feelings about you.
You can receive the feelings as negative feedback. But you're not allowed to know who and when. As near as I can tell, this is out of some misguided idea of protecting the "privacy" of the same people who are allowed to drop emotion bombs on their coworkers.
There are some sticky things to navigate here. Sometimes if people know who is generating negative feedback for them, that can lead to retaliation. That's very real. But the answer is not to leave everyone to twist in the wind with vague negative feedback.
There is a key issue here that helps unravel these contradictions. Managers need to take responsibility for mediating interpersonal issues. They have to take responsibility for the feedback, and they have to take responsibility for rooting out and stopping any retaliation.
That's why I say we've broken management in many ways. This thing where managers pass secret "I don't like you" messages back and forth while taking no part in the resolution? That is the opposite of what people management is.
In order to be effective at mediating interpersonal issues, managers need to be trained and given tools on how to do that. Most managers are not prepared to handle the level of awkwardness and hard conversations. They often abdicate those responsibilities, and people get hurt.
However, the real damage is done when managers think their job is make everybody "happy". I've talked about this before. Not only is it impossible, it also obscures what the management role actually is. https://twitter.com/polotek/status/1165106767677800449?s=19
