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SO YOU ACCIDENTALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY: a thread on planning multiple weddings without remortgaging your house.
First things first: how many weddings/blessing/parties do you need? You know your people; you're the only one who can answer this. We had people in multiple places with young babies, physical disabilities, etc, who couldn't travel. We wanted to celebrate with them.
Once you have that- here is your biggest, most important money saving step: throw your expectations and visions out the window. Each of y'all (the two getting married) pick ONE THING to be precious about. Pick relatively small, insignificant things, and set them in stone.
I wanted to get married in blue suede shoes. Himself wanted ceilidh dancing at the reception. Those were our non-negotiables. Every other thing- EVERY THING- was gonna be budget-dependent.
Now, the biggest expenses with a wedding usually go something like this: venue, rings (including engagement), dress/clothes, food, booze, flowers, cake, and then like, the rest. I'll go roughly in that order.
so, venues! two of our venues- the chapel where both of my sisters got married, and the chapel in France where generations of his family got married- were things we didn't want to negotiate on. One, we only had a blessing in (us, priest, tog, certain relatives).
The other chapel we got a discount on due to my parent's jobs. The reception for that wedding was at the museum I worked at for three years. The final venue- we shortlisted a few that we could get discounts on and picked one.
Detour! Let me name the events to make this easier- in order: Rome (where my parents live)(church wedding)(not Italy); Hatfield (near his parents, legal wedding); Bresles (his dad's hometown)(church blessing). Rome and Hatfield were full events, Bresles was not.
Anyways, each of these venues came with some perks that made things cheaper later down the line. On to rings. My engagement ring is opals and black sapphires and one of our friends made it in her kitchen. Our wedding rings were from Etsy.
THE DRESS. yes, singular. One dress, one suit. He got a new suit and then wore it to work for the next year. I got one dress, a nice but not stupid one, from a Major Wedding Chain. Luckily it didn't need alterations, but mom was prepared to do it herself.
Now, stuff happens, so disaster prep. My mother and I are the Exact Same Size, so we got mom's dress cleaned and I took it to England earlier in the year, just in case mine got lost in transit. Or, as actually happened, I ripped a hole in it during ceilidh dancing.
We had one of my sister's dresses ready for back up back up (the short genes are strong), but luckily we only needed Mom's for Bresles.
I accessorised differently each time. Borrowed the Rome veil from my sister, hair up. Hatfield- hair down, with my sorority Big's badge in it. Bresles- mom's veil. Same shoes though.
Did my own make up. Rome- had my hair done, Hatfield- my sorority big and one of my bridesmaids did it, Bresles- did it myself.
Wedding party! This is where tossing expectations out the window begins to be relevant. We couldn't afford to buy their outfits, and they all had budgets, too. So we gave them a colour scheme and general style and set them loose.
Yes, there are two different wedding parties. We didn't put any pressure on anyone to travel- a few people did, many could not. Again, this has got to be negotiable.
Love your people, and by doing that, don't push anyone to spend more than they can afford. One of my bridesmaids got her dress off Amazon. One of them skipped the hendo. Do what you gotta.
Now, everything from this point on becomes guest list dependent. The more guests, the more expensive. So, in short- you do not need to invite as many people as your venue will accommodate. Do not feel pressure to invite someone. You can care about somebody and not invite them.
It's your wedding. Nobody is owed an invitation. Nobody other than y'all gets to choose who is invited. Tell your parents to get back in their lane. YOUR wedding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Food! Buffet style is like, half the price of plated. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Buffets. Not only that, but then you can avoid seating arrangements, if you want to- which means no nametags, less paper stuff- overall, cheaper.
If you have ANY food connections, now is the time to use them. Half our Rome food was Chick-fil-A, do not @ me. The rest was catered by.... (drumroll please) the cafeteria staff from Dad's university! It was delish.
CAKES! Cakes are hecking expensive. Mom made our Rome cake (she did my sister's years ago, swore she would never do it again, and then.... did), and our Hatfield cake was made by one of our friends. Bresles cake came from the family bakery in the village. Chuck your expectations.
Booze! The cheapest way to do booze is to not have booze. Second cheapest way is to have a very limited selection of types. We had a mimosa bar (with prosecco) in Rome. I've seen people do a signature cocktail and a small selection of wine.
Flowers! Toss your expectations along with the bouquet. Some flowers cost more than others. Tell the florist what you need, your colour scheme, and your total, non-negotiable flower budget. Let them go forth. Pick a scheme that works with green- greenery is cheaper.
Stuff that is in season is cheaper. Stuff that is easy to grow is cheaper. Our Bresles bouquet was basically wildflowers. You do not need flowers on every pew- every third or so will look fine.
Post-wedding, give table flower arrangements to people who were helpful/did something at the wedding. Ours went to the minister; the cake friend; the lady who hosted my bridal shower; this particular bridesmaid, etc. Saves you getting separate thank-you gifts.
Now. Everything else- the more you (and your friends with S K I L L Z) can do- the better (and cheaper). Pinterest is finna be your best friend here. Beg, borrow, make. I saw this at my friend's wedding three months prior and left with it (I did ask first dw).
Dad made 200 paper cones and filled them with dried lavender to toss (Rome). He tied ribbons onto 200 different bubble tubes (Hatfield). He is still guilt-tripping me for both of these.
You see those speckled candle type things? I made them. For both Rome and Hatfield. Around 300 total. Raw supplies cost about £30 total; took around 20 hours total.
Dad also tied these.
Getaway car? Overrated. That's a museum golf-cart, with my brother-in-law driving it.
Absolutely none of these were perfect. They are homemade and they look homemade. They are not what I would have imagined in planning my dream wedding. But they were affordable.
And they meant we got to celebrate with all the people we care about, without anyone having to spend money they don't have on transatlantic flights. Because they were both small weddings as well, with small wedding parties...
we made a point of including as many people as possible in small but important things. The friends who set us up did one of the readings. My college roommate sang the unity song in Rome. The friend who first guessed we'd get married said the Grace at Hatfield.
OOP just realised I forgot the favours. S/o to my American bridesmaids for making these.
And, yeah. Like so much else in life, it comes down to letting people help you and do things for and with you. Our honeymoon joint? My best bro's parents' lake cabin. Those 'posh' rooms we did pre-wedding photos in? Literally my parent's living room with the furniture out.
The museum I used to work at changed the artefact china on exhibit to match our wedding colours. They replanted some of the flowers to match. I did not ask them to do that, it was a tiny thing, but made such a difference.
Ask people for help and accept that none of it will be perfect or look how you dreamed. Let people help in the way they're able- the one who couldn't make my hendo DID pack half of my suitcases.
And, ultimately- just make sure at least one wedding is legally binding in the country y'all plan on living in. (fin)
OMG I FORGOT PHOTOGRAPHERS SORRY
they are also expensive. kiiiiinda worth it? Rome- used the same tog that had done my sister's weddings. Bresles- one of my friends who was looking to build up her portfolio. We didn't have a videographer- we ain't gonna watch that, ever, so....
they are also expensive. kiiiiinda worth it? Rome- used the same tog that had done my sister's weddings. Bresles- one of my friends who was looking to build up her portfolio. We didn't have a videographer- we ain't gonna watch that, ever, so....
if photos are super important to you, then make sure you have at least two togs (most wedding photogs always have a second shooter anyways), but if you really need to budget crunch, find a student looking to build their portfolio.
