Between 2017-2020 I did over 200 shows as a solo act, not including Tribe shows, interviews & meetings, events I planned, art exhibitions, & studio sessions. Though I gained a lot of knowledge from this experience, I’m not doing that ever again until I’m internationally known /1

Even with doing all that footwork, rehearsing 2x a week for 2-3 shows every week...the pay out & opportunity wasn’t enough. Burn out & depression hit me hard. I felt like I was pouring so much into shows, tweaking arrangements, pushing my body pass it’s limits for nothing. /2

This year, even before COVID-19 hit, I decided to black out, focusing on my dwindling energy & body. I knew I needed to take that time to face things I was running from. Ask myself those hard questions that graced my mind, eliminate the self limiting beliefs that cap my shine. /3

But when everything was being shut down, it hit me that I was too attached to egocentric ideas of myself and my name. That I had some entitlement issues to handle. I know I deserve more yet I also see the ego traps I laid before my feet. That I was limiting myself to 1 space. /4

Pittsburgh has a way of creating a delusional world for artist. It’s very much a “if I didn’t hear of you, you aren’t shit” place. But when you go beyond these city limits, people are excited to hear from new people. They want to be ahead of the wave, not on it. /5

Reflecting on my experiences here, remembering moments I felt that my work should be recognized more, appreciated, validated or acknowledged truly made me see that I’m in the wrong headspace. Everything is a form of relationship. Even your environment is apart of that system. /6

Taking time to truly ask: “why do you make music? Do you enjoy what you do? If no one hears it, will you be satisfied? What if there is no purpose other then freeing yourself?”, I was reminded of why I do this & why I felt so burnt out, miserable really. /7

I wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Even though the content, promo, and expression is all authentic, I WASNT BEING AUTHENTIC. I was doing this because I thought I wasn’t going to live long, I was pushing myself because I felt that life was going to leave me soon /8

I lost myself in that feeling of being forgotten so much that joy slipped from the very thing that gave me life in the first place. I cried when I fully realized that. Now I feel immense relief. Grateful that no matter what, I am creating bc I am art. I am music. We are one. /9

Remembering that art is not just for mass consumption/capital/status/validation is VITAL. It’s challenging to remove that chip when the world around thrives off of all of that. Pulling myself away with fasting & and silence brought that into full view. Express bc you exist! /10

Everything we do isn’t meant for everyone. Just like everyone isn’t meant to like you. Don’t feel so entitled to that bc you poured your authenticity into expressing yourself. The more authentic, usually the more rejected.
Stay w/ it, keep going. What’s for you is yours! /11

I knew these things but I didn’t see how they formed and found deep pockets within my mental and heart space. Blk folx often feel our worth is measured. So it’s easy to slip into a capitalist/scarcity mindset when doing something you love /12

All this to say, create for you to bring in the light we all need. The more authentic you’re to your creativity, the better this world will become. Fine tune your intuition as much as possible. Trust your soul. Everything will align in due time. I’m learning along w/ you homies!