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Today is #WorldSuicidePreventionDay 
and I am left thinking about my experiences with feeling suicidal and attempting suicide, what those have meant for me, and how we could better help others. Sharing my experiences comes in the hope that it unburdens even one person of shame -->
and I am left thinking about my experiences with feeling suicidal and attempting suicide, what those have meant for me, and how we could better help others. Sharing my experiences comes in the hope that it unburdens even one person of shame -->
It's easy to say that there should be no shame in feeling suicidal, thinking about suicide, acting on suicidal impulses or plans, in talking about suicide. But there is shame, people feel shame for how they are, I felt viscerally ashamed - that cold wash of shame became an ocean.
Nobody chooses to feel suicidal, dwell on suicide, enact suicide plans. So there ought to be no guilt in principle about "doing a bad thing". There ought also to be no shame for "being a bad thing". So where does it come from, the shame that really really does exist?
Well, it comes from all around us, even if the shame is manifest in individual lives. Society upholds silence, is unwilling to sit with emotional pain, and judges the subject as distasteful. The collective silence about suicide makes the subject one of private, personal pain.
This combined with the lack of spaces in which to be in emotional pain and that be OK - not something to shut down, be fearful of, respond to with escalation, judge as "too much" - makes for pushing blame and shame on to the person who is already battling to just survive.
That burden is too much. That burden is what can tip someone over the edge, as much as the suicidal thoughts and feelings. For me, feeling suicidal has been awful, terrifying. But the true horror which has really put me at risk has been the responses of others to my experience.
Sometimes that has been mental health services not being able to respond to crisis. Not feeling heard by people. Being trivialised when I was in danger. That has been the real danger, and the fear and pathologisation of my emotional pain has made me even more fearful of it myself
It's not enough to tell people to talk about suicide when they think about/are in pain w it. The burden must be on the rest of us in our RESPONSES -listening, empathy, holding, not judging. Basic stuff which doesn't require specialist knowledge but a heart, however unsexy that is
Believe me, people experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings are doing their very best to prevent suicide, often for a very long time. Even if that is using unhelpful coping mechanisms, even if that is in silence. They are doing their bit in suicide prevention by keeping going.
This is about the rest of us. It is a privilege to wake up and not feel suicidal. Are we aware of that? Do we share out our resource and privilege and offer that emotional support, non-judgemental space and listening ear to people? Do we hold others when we have space capacity?
We also have to ensure that this element of human experience isn't packaged away into a specialist area so that the rest of us don't have to be aware of it or deal with it. Suicide is not a niche issue, in any way.
So let's take on some of the burdens of suicide collectively. Let's educate ourselves, me more aware, and create a better climate where this subject is not kept under the carpet or talked about in hushed tones. It could save lives.
Let's see the person who discloses their current struggles with suicidal thoughts & feelings as in need of help - not just from specialists but from us too. Let's also see them as brave, celebrate their courage, see the strength that they've shown in enduring this, not weakness.
We can prevent suicides. We will prevent suicides. But we have to be willing to play our part and not leave it to experts, mental health specialists or charities to deal with. We have to deal with it individually be equipping ourselves, and together by creating a better society.
